How long have I greedily lusted after the famed crabby patty? For as long as I can remember, since the time I drifted into Bikini Bottom. The fact that the patty is larger than myself does not daunt me. I like my buns bigger than life.
Then there is that imbecile pirate wanna be Mr. Crabs. He would squeeze his own mother dry for a penny. How I hate him with his big claws. ME! The evil genius , I don't even know what sex I am. I am helpless against the tide, and I don't even know what I will be. I might even be a stupid muscle when I grow up. I might reproduce asexually. *sniff Damn you Crabs with your superior size! You use your size to keep me from the secret recipe. I just want to eat man! *sob *sob *sob
I think these Bionic Implants might be Government Surplus.
By Colonel Steve Austin.
To: Oscar Goldman, OSI Chief of Operations.
From: Colonel Steve Austin.
Cc: Jamie Summers, (the Bionic Woman)
Oscar,
What in the living hell is going on here?!?!?
I have been complaining about these Bionic Implants for 3 years now, and nothing has been done to rectify the situation.
Better, Faster, Stronger, my ***!
I don't know what dope smoking, 400 dollar hammer, Pentagon Government surplus fly by night operation you got these implants from, but I'm not seeing 6 million dollars worth of parts here Chief.
In fact, if I were to hazard a guess, I would bet you got this stuff from the Soviet Union.
For one thing, as I have told you several times in the past, these Bionic legs you put on me actually slow me down. It's like I'm running in ******* slow motion! Son of a ****, I was chasing this guy the other day, and it took FOREVER to catch up with him.
It was like I was running in quicksand.
The Bionic Arm you put on me, makes an irritating grating "eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh" sound, whenever I punch someone, and it's also slow as hell. They got all the time in the world to duck before that slow *** piece of **** arm of mine makes it to their head.
And the Bionic eye thing is NOT working. As I have explained to you, many times, the cross hairs are driving me crazy. Sure, it's neato to be able to see miles up ahead and all, but having stinking cross-hairs from a fregin gun sight scope on one of your eyeballs is irritating as hell. It's there while I eat, while I shower, while I watch t.v.
Distracting as all get out!
And thank the Dickens I don't have Bionic Hearing.
I was talking to Jamie, and she said that her Bionic Ear is sub-standard, that she could have done better with a generic hearing aid purchased in any drug store. She says when she homes in on people with her "super hearing", it makes this echo like sound that distorts everything, and that's it's real pisser!
And we just found out this last week that our implants are Nuclear powered.
Nuclear powered!!! What the ?????
Who in the hell came up with that? I got nuclear material in my system, powering these Bionic implants and you guys think this is acceptable? Maybe you think that having a radioactive slug less than 4 inches from my brain is just fine and dandy?
I guess you think that cancerous tumors, low white blood cell count, genetic mutation, blood protein damage and birth defects are worth the risk, huh?
WELL I DON"T!!!!
I want these things removed and something better put on, I expect an answer on this post haste.
My mind meld with a Rock, did not go so well.By Spock
Simple Logic required that I mind meld with the Horta, a silicon based life form the Enterprise encountered on Janus 4.
(((eh, I got nothing. Not in a writing mood today. It's too nice outside, I'm going to go out and watch birds. I will come back later someday and finish the story, but for now, I will let it sit. Got the idea for the story title, then filibustered out. ))))
LMAO! Yep. Dave had to be one of my brother's in a past life. Grant, Sherry and Whidden Von Trapp. He passed the singing test too. 
09-07-2005 04:16 AM
