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Lawless
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Helpful Diet Information post #1  quote:



HERE IS SOME IMPORTANT HEALTH INFORMATION.... ESPECIALLY GOOD THIS TIME OF THE YEAR!


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?


A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans .. another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets. Now go have a biscuit........flour comes from wheat, which is a veggie!


Finally ; if swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Oh, and one more thing... "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt."


Old Post 06-04-2004 05:28 PM
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Jarells_Honey
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post #2  quote:

^^lmao I showed this to my track coach and he was like "Shante go sit down somewhere" but he was laughing about it. This was too funny KJ

Old Post 06-05-2004 08:41 PM
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Lawless
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post #3  quote:

Thanks kiddo... it is funny, isn't it!

Old Post 06-05-2004 11:04 PM
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Morion
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post #4  quote:

I also find this site www.2000cal.com. You can here calculate your everyday calories. As for me, the idea is excellent!

Old Post 05-03-2007 10:48 PM
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trailmix
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post #5  quote:

These are all awesome sites, thanks!

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TheShadow
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post #6  quote:

Hahaha I love the last one about whales.

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