CelticDragon
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Registered: Apr 2004
Local time: 03:52 AM
Location: That's a good question...
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This piece of parody just popped into my head one day, and I was wondering if I could get some opinions on it. Feel free to criticize! I'll take no offense. There's always room to improve. 
The Fifth Age
At the end of the Third Age and the beginning of the Fourth, the Elves passed rulership of Middle-Earth to Men.
But that didn't last long. What with all the action they'd seen, Merry and Pippin got bored of sitting in their little hobbit holes and doing nothing but eating, drinking, and smoking pipeweed. After the two became generals, they didn't want to go back to being just the Heroes of the Shire. They wanted to rule something dang it!
Merry, being the bright one, remembered how Aragorn never really wanted to be king; so one day, he sat down with Pippin and talked things over with him. The next day, the two were headed off to Gondor to have a chat with him. Little did they know, those dreaded Sackville-Bagginses were hot on their trail and sticking their noses where they didn't belong.
Aragorn and Arwen welcomed the two friends into their home. Merry began to tell Aragorn about how restless they were. He and Pippin wanted to rule something and the Shire didn't see much action, so why not Gondor? After all, you got pushed into this king job. It must be awfully boring for you sitting in your nice big warm palace when you could be wandering the cold, dank woods up north. Aragorn readily agreed and the next day, he and Arwen packed their things and left to go take up residence in Rivendell.
Merry and Pippin, much to the chagrin of the Gondorians, proclaimed themselves co-rulers of the land. Unfortunately, they could do nothing about it because the two were heroes and all. Although, they did have to be careful about being stepped on (sometimes purposefully) when they went walking through the streets.
Eventually, they got tired of avoiding large smelly boots, and Pippin ordered Faramir to carry him around on his shoulders whenever he went in a crowd. Merry,not really wanting to ride around on Eowyn's shoulders (I mean, she did give him a ride to the battle), bought a little horse, who was descended from Bill, the loyal pony that only had a brief cameo in the FOTR movie, and named her Portobello.
After a while, Merry and Pippin began to quarrel about trivial matters and decided that they should break up. Merry and Eowyn rode to Rohan to have a talk with Eomer. Somehow, they convinced Eomer to turn over ruler-ship of Rohan to Merry, and Eomer rode back to Gondor with Eowyn so the two could catch up on things.
Merry and Pippin felt much better about ruling two separate kingdoms and with all the tension gone, their friendship continued on, undamaged.
Meanwhile, the Sackville-Bagginses grew jealous of the nice big palaces Merry and Pippin were living in. They knew they could never convince the peoples of Rohan and Gondor to back them in a takeover, so they took up residence in Mordor and convinced the few orcs that were left that they were Sauron's family. (Not really that hard to be believe. Plus, orcs aren't the brightest things in Middle-Earth.) They bided their time and every once in a while, waltzed into Rohan or Gondor and stuck their noses to the windows, hoping Merry or Pippin had kicked the bucket. They always got thrown out though. (It must have been the smell that made them so easy to find.)
Back in the Shire, the hobbits decided that Sam, although unwilling, should be their king. Aragorn happened to be passing through when this took place, and Sam pleaded with him to take over, but Aragorn suddenly remembered that he had left the oven on and had to return to Rivendell. Sam didn't think Aragorn was telling him everything, but there was nothing he could do about it because Aragorn had already left. But, with the Sackville-Bagginses gone, ruling the Shire didn't take that much effort, so Sam eventually accepted the position.
Legolas and Gimli went journeying around Middle-Earth and one day stumbled into the Entwives. It seems they had formed an Amazon-like tribe because they were tired of the Ents sitting around doing nothing and taking so long to say 'Good morning.' - Never mind the insane amount of time 'I love you' took. But when an Elf and a Dwarf, who appeared to be best friends, showed up on their doorstep and told them that Saruman had turned evil and the Ents had kicked some serious wizard butt, they were ready to believe anything, and agreed to return to them.
Thus having said all that, it seems that the Fourth Age was the shortest in all of Middle-Earth's history and that the Fifth Age would last a while.
And they all lived happily ever after- except for the Sackville-Bagginses, who are still brooding about not living in a palace- and the orcs, who have to put up with a stench much greater than their own.
The end.
"You're disturbing...yet intriguing. Like couscous. I'm gonna call you Couscous from now on."
"Quit existing!" |
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05-03-2004 04:54 AM
