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esskay
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Handling telemarketers post #1  quote:



1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on
telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing.


Old Post 03-19-2004 07:22 AM
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Dekka00
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post #2  quote:

quote:
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.


This on a Seinfeld episode. Another one from Seinfeld that I liked was


"Hello would you be interested in [blah-blah-blah]?"
"Yes!" *hang up*


Old Post 03-19-2004 08:14 AM
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Nymphadora
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post #3  quote:

Those are too funny, I've actually used a couple.
2, 6, 7, and 17

I like 18, I'll have to try it.


Old Post 03-22-2004 06:46 PM
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chodder
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post #4  quote:

My friend always screwed with them. He would answer the phone and say "yes we have bananas" and hang up. He was weird like that...

Old Post 03-23-2004 12:45 AM
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esskay
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post #5  quote:

Mine is "cheese". Yes, I like cheese. What? All kinds of cheese. Do you like California Fresh cheese? Oh because I like cheese. The moon ain't cheese you know. And it's not really good for mice though people seem to think it is. I think there's a lot of cheese ignorance going around these days. So do you like cheese? who me? yes, I like cheese..

.. one time I got some chick to go, "what the f**K!? - oh my god I'm totally going to get busted for that - *click*"

ho ho ho.


Old Post 03-23-2004 02:42 AM
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chodder
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post #6  quote:

You Funky Monkey that you are

Sean - Is that your eye?


Old Post 03-23-2004 02:49 AM
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gaboman
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post #7  quote:

*grabs needle and start poking it into Sean's eye*

damn... dented the screen...

No, chodder, it seems to be a photo of an eye...


Old Post 03-23-2004 02:53 AM
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chodder
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post #8  quote:

But is it a photo of Sean's eye? You just don't know...

Old Post 03-23-2004 02:56 AM
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esskay
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post #9  quote:

no, that's just my virtual eye. In reality, my eyes contain no trace of brown - but thank you for asking

Old Post 03-23-2004 07:23 AM
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adityamahesh
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post #10  quote:

Yeah, he looks at us through that virtual eye....

Old Post 03-23-2004 05:20 PM
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chodder
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post #11  quote:

Technically he does

Old Post 03-24-2004 12:29 AM
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adityamahesh
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post #12  quote:

quote:
Sean Kelly said this in post #9 :
no, that's just my virtual eye. In reality, my eyes contain no trace of brown - but thank you for asking


So they are green then?


Old Post 03-24-2004 01:44 AM
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chodder
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post #13  quote:

I'm gonna bet my money on blue

Old Post 03-24-2004 02:00 AM
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adityamahesh
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post #14  quote:

I was just pointing out the color of the eye in the avatar.

Old Post 03-24-2004 02:01 AM
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Anomaly77
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post #15  quote:

Back when I lived at home, I had my own phone line. Nearly every day I used to get calls from MCI, about switching to their friends and family plan. I finally changed my out going message on my machine. It gave some choices, "To have dancing monkies sent to your home, please press one", etc. After a few options I said, "If this is MCI calling in attempt to get me to change my long distance service plan...PLEASE HANG UP!"

I never got another call from them.


Old Post 03-24-2004 02:15 AM
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Anomaly77
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post #16  quote:

quote:
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "


I have used this one in retail stores when I just want to shop and not be bothered by salespeople. It really works! It really is wrong though...I used to work in retail (commission) sales.

Another telemarking idea that I heard once and have used is; immeadiately interrupt them and ask them if they could hold for just a minute. Set the phone down and walk away. Eventually, they will hang up, you will here the phone-off-the hook noise, and you can hang up. This is good becasue it benefits others as the telemarketer will waste at least a minute or two, "holding" before they place their next obnoxious call.


Old Post 03-24-2004 02:21 AM
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adityamahesh
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post #17  quote:

quote:
Anomaly77 said this in post #15 :
Back when I lived at home, I had my own phone line. Nearly every day I used to get calls from MCI, about switching to their friends and family plan. I finally changed my out going message on my machine. It gave some choices, "To have dancing monkies sent to your home, please press one", etc. After a few options I said, "If this is MCI calling in attempt to get me to change my long distance service plan...PLEASE HANG UP!"

I never got another call from them.


Oh man, I can't believe you did that. Quite original.


Last edited by adityamahesh on 03-24-2004 at 03:17 AM |
Old Post 03-24-2004 02:22 AM
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esskay
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post #18  quote:

quote:
Anomaly77 said this in post #16 :
Another telemarking idea that I heard once and have used is; immeadiately interrupt them and ask them if they could hold for just a minute.


Oh man I like that a lot. I'm just going to put `em on hold here at work. Our phone system auto-detects dropped carriers, so we can have some in-office betting on how long it will take them to hang up and just wait for the hold light to go out.


Old Post 03-24-2004 02:54 AM
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