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helen55
In the Now Guru

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Registered: Apr 2003
Local time: 06:03 AM
Location: RV - USA
Posts: 1216

Talking Science jokes post #1  quote:



Two atoms were walking down a sidewalk and one bumped into the other.

The first atom asked the other, "Are you ok?"

"Yes, but I dropped an electron," replied the other.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive."


Old Post 09-23-2003 10:43 AM
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helen55
In the Now Guru

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post #2  quote:

"Eat, eat eat - and always stay thin!"

The MIRACLE of this pre-war dieting ad, banish fat without fancy diets or exercise.



However, today's consumer might find the recommended remedy a little hard to swallow.

A huge yummy breakfast with a small sanitized tape worm pill.


Old Post 09-23-2003 10:49 AM
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helen55
In the Now Guru

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Registered: Apr 2003
Local time: 06:03 AM
Location: RV - USA
Posts: 1216

post #3  quote:

Mathematics is not a spectator sport

A mathematician is a person who says that, when 3 people are supposed to be in a room but 5 came out, 2 have to go in so the room gets empty...

The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people.

OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just go off on a tangent

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, who gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing it to an earlier riddle.

Q: How many topologists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It really doesn't matter, since they'd rather knot.

Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: This should be determined using a nonparametric procedure, since statisticians are NOT NORMAL.
A: One to hold the bulb and one psychologist, one economist, one sociologist and one anthropologist to pull away the ladder.

Q: How many mathematical logicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can't do it, but they can easily prove that it can be done.

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems"
"Weak coffee however is only fit for lemmas"

There really are only two types of people in the world:
those that DON'T do MATH,
and
those that take care of them.

Epsilon less than zero

Math Riots Prove Fun Incalculable

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe)

The graduate with a physics degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with that?"

Math is the language God used to write the universe.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those who don't.

Blonde: I'm confused! What's the difference between the radius and the diameter?
Wiz: The radius

A mathematician is showing a new proof he came up with to a large group of peers. After he's gone through most of it, a voice interrupts him: "Wait! That's not true. I have a counter-example!" He replies: "That's okay. I have two proofs."

Yeah, I used to think it was just recreational... then I started doin' it during the week... you know, simple stuff: differentiation. Then I got into integration by parts... I started doin' it every night: path integrals, holomorphic functions. Now I'm on diophantine equations and sinking deeper into transfinite analysis. Don't let them tell you it's just recreational.

A: Divide 14 sugar cubes into 3 cups of coffee so that each
cup has an odd number of sugar cubes.
B: 1, 1, and 12
A: 12 isn't odd!
B: It's an odd number of cubes to put in a cup of coffee

Logic is a systematic method for getting the wrong conclusion with confidence.

"I can't explain this. I think it's obvious, though."
- an MIT Algebraic Geometry professor, March 17, 2000

7 out of 5 people do not understand fractions.

Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes. They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope results.

Descartes announced, "I think 2 + 2 = 5; therefore it does." However, others objected that his argument was somewhat less than totally rigorous. Apparently, Fermat had a more rigorous proof which was to appear as part of a book, but it and other material were cut by the editor so that the book could be printed with wider margins.

Between the fact that no definitive proof of 2 + 2 = 5 was available and the excitement of the development of calculus, by 1700 mathematicians had again lost interest in the equation. In fact, the only known 18th-century reference to 2 + 2 = 5 is due to the philosopher Bishop Berkeley who, upon discovering it in an old manuscript, wryly commented, "Well, now I know where all the departed quantities went to -- to the right-hand side of this equation." That witticism so impressed California intellectuals that they named a university town after him.

It's got to be pointed out that 2.4 + 2.4 = 4.8 so rounding to the nearest integer, 2+2=5.

What's the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic?
A psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5.
A neurotic knows that 2 + 2 = 4... but it worries him!

In the Garden of Eden, God is giving Adam a geometry lesson: "Two parallel lines intersect at infinity. You can't prove it but I've been there."

Adam: "If parallel lines meet at infinity - infinity must be a very noisy place with all those lines crashing together!"

Problem from a course on combinatorics and discrete mathematics:
T: Calculate the number of ways 30 identical objects can be distributed among 5 numbered containers with all containers nonempty in such a way that containers 1, 3 and 5 contains an odd number of objects, and containers 2 and 4 contains an even numbers.
You have 10 seconds to solve the problem
..........
..........
..........
..........
..........
T: And the answer is? ... ..... S: ... 0 ??
T: Anyone else?? .. ..
T: S is correct, it can't be done!

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Physicists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make any connection ...

The four branches of arithmetic - ambition, distraction, uglification and derision. (Lewis Caroll: "Alice in Wonderland")

ANAGRAMS
A DECIMAL POINT = I'm a dot in place.
ONE PLUS TWELVE = Two plus eleven.
INTEGRAL CALCULUS = Calculating rules.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Actually, if it ain't broke, they need to take it apart to find out why.

Anyone without a Sense of Humor Is At The Mercy of The Rest of Us.

Is math practical in real life?
If A=B and B=C then A=C is true ... so if Julie loves Nick and Nick loves Sara then Julie loves Sara is true? Yes, assuming that...

If you want to see practical applied mathematics, read chemical engineering.
If you want to see theoretical applied mathematics, read electrical engineering.
And if you want to see pure math, read economics.

The prof was writing on the board X sub i Y sub j... and a student asked: "Don't you mean X sub j Y sub i?" The Prof looked at the board a bit, then erased the marks with his sleeve, and said: "Yes, you are correct. Quite often I will say one thing, write another, and be thinking a third. What I am thinking is correct, and you will be tested on that."

Mathematicians do it associatively.
Mathematicians do it by numbers.
Mathematicians do it commutatively.
Mathematicians do it continuously.
Mathematicians do it discretely.
Mathematicians do it exponentially.
Mathematicians do it in fields.
Mathematicians do it in groups.
Mathematicians do it in imaginary planes.
Mathematicians do it in n dimensions.
Mathematicians do it in numbers.
Mathematicians do it in theory.
Mathematicians do it over and under the curves.
Mathematicians do it parallel and perpendicular.
Mathematicians do it partially.
Mathematicians do it rationally.
Mathematicians do it symmetrically.
Mathematicians do it to prove themselves.
Mathematicians do it variably.
Mathematicians do it with imaginary parts.
Mathematicians do it with linear pairs.
Mathematicians do it with odd functions.
Mathematicians do it with prime roots.
Mathematicians do it with relations.
Mathematicians do it with rings.
Mathematicians do it with real parts.
Mathematicians do it without limit.
Mathematicians have to prove they did it.

Suppose a mathematician parks his car, locks it with his key and walks away. After walking about 50 yards the mathematician realizes that he has dropped his key somewhere along the way. What does he do? If he is an applied mathematician he walks back to the car along the path he has previously traveled looking for his key. If he is a pure mathematician he walks to the other end of the parking lot where there is better light and looks for his key there.

Mathematicians
....don't sin, they sine.
....always have a tan.
....are always going off on a tangent.

The story around Harvard was that there was a graduate Math course whose final always consisted of "Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts."
-
Then one year, a student answered as follows (using Common Lisp notation):
#1: The exam is: Make up an appropriate final exam for this course and answer it. You will be graded on both parts.
The answer is: #1#
-
His reasoning was that since that was the best exam the professor could write, it certainly ought to be good enough for a student.
-
He got an A.


Old Post 09-23-2003 04:29 PM
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