It's been a question I've been personally asking myself for quite some time now.
I was a Waitress at a Local Restaurant, but I had recently quit. During the last day of work, I had this really weird, deep connection with one of the customers. It wasn't only Physical--but the chemistry was so... strong, it was insane. I've never had such great chemistry with any guy before. ever. We Connected in almost every Level, and we're so Alike. I mean who ELSE do I know has the same passion as I do with Scuba Diving? No one! And then there are the small things like: the same taste in music, the same life goals, the same Aspirations, etc. It was almost as if I was looking at my "other half"--dare I say soul mate?
The problem was, he was visiting from Thailand, here to visit family in Texas. He originated in the town I'm currently living in, in Texas--graduated in the same high school that I was in. So I personally know some of his family members. But he went off Adventuring, and now has a Temporary Job as a Divemaster in Thailand. (And he's going to Peru soon.)
He had only 3 days left before he had to leave for Thailand the time we met, so we only got to meet once, on New Years Eve. (romantic, much?) And That. Was an AMAZING. Experience. Never have I felt such deep connectivity with anyone--jinxing each other's thoughts and sentences, such strong attraction for. And comined with this weird connection, and physical intimacy... well... It was mindblowing.
I've dated around, been around the block, sometimes I'd be dating dating multiple guys (the max I went was 6 during this one week...) so I've been around. But this. I don't know what it was.
He left, almost crying--so was I, but it hadn't really hit me. It was weird, and amazing.
We've been keeping in touch for around 3 weeks now. It's been hard but it's only been 3 weeks!!! He's since commited himself to me the moment he left the parking lot. And so have I--ceased all the dating, the guys. But it's so HARD. I don't know how LDRs are supposed to work.
And the problem is, I still have 3 years to finish College, and he says he wants to be with me at least til then, and maybe even further than that! He's been hinting at marriage--at such an early stage in the relationship. And... you know, it's not like the relationship is all about sex and lust because we havn't had any!
Knowing all that: Is it worth it??? I don't know if I should stop it now. Or see where it takes me.
Also, he's suddenly become severely ill, so communication in the last 2 days have been almost nonexistant--and I'm going CRAZY with worry, and anxiety. I don't know what to do! I don't know what's going on. I don't know if he's suddenly decided that he doesn't want this anymore. Or if he's just sick. And it makes you realise how important communication in an LDR is. So it takes a hell of a lot of devotion, and commitment, and more work than a normal relationship. And, it's making me GO INSANE.
I'm personally pretty cynical about long-distance relationships. It's hard to make them work.
I'm also extremely cynical about "love-at-first-sight" and "soul-mates." Sometimes you meet someone you get along with really well, but there's nothing magical about it-- it's just two people hitting it off.
You should always be a little leary when someone is talking about that kind of commitment (marriage) that soon. Sometimes this can be a sign that a person is abusive.
Not necessarily though. He could just be feeling the same vibe that you are.
If you really like the guy and want to try a long distance relationship, why not? Go for it! But don't worry that you might be passing up your One Chance to be with your "One True Love." That's a romantic thought, but it's delusional. If things don't work out between y'all, you'll feel this same vibe with someone else down the road.
I used to think exactly like that. That LDRs are impossible. That "love at first sight" and "soul mates" is just a stupid idea some lovesick fella thought up. Maybe it's not. But I've never hit it off with someone this well. Sure, I get along with a lot of guys, but this was surreal.
I don't believe that I'm passing my "ONE Chance" with my "one true love." (I'm more cynical than that.) Ultimately, I don't think I'd want to get permanently involved at the moment. But it was too amazing an experience for me to give up easily.
It is folly to punish your neighbor by fire when you live next door.
Publilius Syrus
Views from the other end of the spectrum:
Love at first sight? No. I don't believe in that. Love comes after time spent bonding. But what most people who believe in it would probably call love at first sight (more like knowing there's something different about this person and just having something click inside your head) I do believe in. Mostly because it happened to me. (I thought it was a possibility before, but now I <i>know</i> it happens.)
I believe in soulmates too, but I have no real proof of that, just knowing (or "knowing" if you prefer) I've met mine, so I'll just say that I don't think you should give up on this guy not because of that, but because you've hit it off so well and felt there was something special about him. Maybe it'll end up where he's thinking, maybe it won't. But either way, it sounds like something you should explore and enjoy while the oppurtunity is there.
As far as the LDR thing goes, I'm in a 2 1/2 year LDR with my fiance right now. It's not as extreme as your case, where he's off in another country and you'll probably only get to see him once in a great while, but up to this intensity at least, it's bearable. It hurts sometimes, but after a while you fall into a kind of groove where you're just happy to hear their voice, or read the notes they left on your lj. Once you physically separate, there's a kind of recovery time where you have to come to terms that he's not gonna be there all the time. Then you get over the bump and that's when you're mostly content with just phone calls and such. My bump is after three weeks, but your mileage may vary.
So far as the recent communication cutoff goes- don't stress yourself. You're being suspicious and that's not gonna cause anything but hurt if it turns out to be wrong, which is a very good possibility. Give him some time. If possible, try to get hold of someone else on his end and see if they know how he's doing. But don't jump to conclusions and fret over it. It's been 2 days. It's not like he hasn't called in two weeks or anything.
Actually, if you want support from another LDR-er, message me and I'll give you my AIM so you'll have someone to listen and offer advice when applicable whenever the worry hits.
"You're disturbing...yet intriguing. Like couscous. I'm gonna call you Couscous from now on."
01-24-2008 05:18 AM
