BILL O'REILLY- Next up on the factor will be special correspondent Geraldo. He is on board the plane after having just left the summit to end world poverty in Sydney.
GERALDO- Bill can you hear me?
BILL- Yes Geraldo but remember this is a no spin zone..
GERALDO- ha ha ha. Right you are Bill. Well I am here on the plane after attending a fabulous summit to end world poverty. So many of Hollywoods greatest stars turned out to participate. Jennifer Anniston is in first class but sadly I am further back in the plane. Fox didn't spring for a first class seat for me, so what is a reporter to do? ha ha ha .
BILL- Geraldo the factor moves quickly, so can you please tell our viewers what you have discovered?.
GERALDO- Oh Bill guess who sat down next to me? Paula Abdul, judge of American Idol. Paula how did you think the summit went?.
PAULA- Can you take your hand off my leg? .
GERALDO- ha ha ha.
PAULA- it was so beautiful and moving. Everyone looked just amazing..
BILL- That doesn't tell me what happend at the summit. Trust me Geraldo, you don't want a lawsuit for harrassment. .
GERALDO- We heard a most moving speech from Brad Pitt about the plight of the famine victims in Africa....
PAULA- still on my leg. .
GERALDO- totally an accident Paula. I thought you would want me to move it "straight up". a ha ha ha. Well as I was saying. whoops. We are having a bit of a rough flight..
PAULA- stewardess can I get a burbon? Geraldo, that is my thigh, remove it please. Stewardess, make it a double..
GERALDO- ha ha ha well Bill it was just a moving night and
wait .....
BILL- Geraldo are you there?.
GERALDO- *whispers just chug it Paula. YES BILL, I'M STILL HERE .
PAULA- serimously get your hand off my leg *hic and off my burbon *hic You're worse than Simon during amoditshones.
GERALDO-The fastent seatbelts sign has lit up. It appears that we are ..... turbulence.....
BILL- can we have the techs try to boost the signal? I can't make out what he is saying..
GERALDO- Oh my God it appears we have lost control of the plane. We are going down. The oxygen masks are out and remember you heard it on Fox news and the .
(huge metal ripping sound)
ahhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggggg......
BILL- Geraldo? Geraldo? Folks it appears that a tragedy has befallen the passengers of this flight. This is a no spin zone, so I am not going to lie to you. I think that an inquiry needs to be done about airline safety. Please stay tuned to Fox news for exclusive details of the emergency.
Smoldering wrechage fills the beach of this unknown island. People slowly start to emmerge from the wreck.
GERALDO Oh thank God my cameraman survived. Bob get up and get this on tape. a hem o.k. and shoot
This is Geraldo Rivera. Behind me is the undenable tragedy of giagantic proportions. Most of Hollywoods most beautiful people were on that plane. I've seen gore and tragedy in Iraq and Afghanistan, and I am numb from the sene behind me.
*walks around and spots a leg sticking out from underneath a row of seats.
I know that leg!
*heaves off the seats.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have just singlehandedly rescued Paula Abdul.
PAULA oooooo
GERALDO Paula baby speak to me?
PAULA what happened? where are we?
GERALDO we crashed.
PAULA but I wasn't even driving?
GERALDO Oh my God, she has a brain injury!
Bob the carmea dude dude she's just drunk
GERALDO Are you sure?
*camera bobs up and down
Cut tape Bob.
TOM CRUISE oh my head hurts. I'm bleeding. Wait! I can heal! I'm not hurt. I feel no pain. Surviving the plane crash is a miracle. I must have reached a new level of Scientology.
Paris: Like wow. Ok. Alright. I think the plane crashed.
Ana: eaheaheaheehaaaawwwwwaawwwwwwwaaaa......
Clint: Lets build a fire, do something constructive, search for water, build a fort, I think I see some things in the crash remains that could help us.
Paris: I hope we get rescued soon, I have a shoe show in Madrid and like this sun is already sooooo hot, it's really hard on my skin.
Clint: I will use this wheel bearing and this blown rod and hammer us a side peg for a lean too base, until we can get something more solid up. You there with the dog, get some small long sticks, not to thick, and about 4 feet longs, tree branches will do nicely, we will get some old luggage bags on top of that and get a fast shelter up, and then....
Paris: Like wow, I thought I saw a fish jump out there. It was shiny on it's fins when the water sparkled off of it. So pretty.
Ana: eaheaheaheehaaaawwwwwaawwwwwwwaaaa......eaheaheaheehaaaawwwwwaawwwwwwwaaaa......It's been seven years since I've had sex. (lears at Clint)
Clint: You girls alright? You hit your heads in the crash? You all are acting a little goofy. Maybe you should sit down on that log, get a load off, get some air, calm down.
Paris: I'v seen you on T.V., you are that old cowboy guy with the guns and the old wrinkle look and stuff. Thats HOT.
Ana: It's very expensive to be me. It's terrible the things I have to do to be me. eaheaheaheehaaaawwwwwaawwwwwwwaaaa......the log is dirrrrrrrrty. ewwwwwwwwwwww. the log is so dirrrrrrrrrrrrty. I can't sit on that. I don't drink as much as I use to could.
Clint: I'm going to go see if there was a doctor in the crash, you girls are messed up. You two stay right here and I will see if I can get you some help. Just sit on that log, and think happy thoughts.
Brad Pitt: What in the hell happened to the plane? I wonder if there are any orphaned children from the crash. I better go and check, and see what I can do to take care of them. Angie will love a few more children, especially if they are needy.
Jennifer Aniston: He hasn't even been away from that twit, Angelina, for more than 24 hours, and he's already trying to round up more children for their stupid family. I've got better things to do.
*sees Geraldo, and his camera man off in the distance*
Oh Geraldo... Geraldo... I'll give you and exclusive.
*sees Geraldo with a passed out Paula Abdul*
What are you doing, Geraldo? I want to give you a personal exclusive.... the truth about why Brad and I split.
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
Jennifer Oh stuff it, Paula. You're nothing but a dried out, has-been, singer (if you can call what you did, twenty years ago, singing). Don't you have another bottle to drown yourself in?
*looks at Geraldo and smiles*
Now, where was I? Oh yes... the truth about me and Brad. Well, I know what everyone is thinking... Brad left me, because I didn't want children. Well, that's NOT true. The truth of it is that he has never even TRIED to have children. Him and that Tom Cruise-a-long friend of his... they are both bumper buddies, if you know what I mean... and have moved on, to other women, to make it LOOK like they are straight. But, they aren't. Do you THINK that it's a coinsidence that they were both on this plane, together? No, I don't think so.
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
Geraldo *brushes down his moustache with his hand.
Oh Jenn, I always knew I was the only real man on the plane. You are too good for him. You are a goddess, let me worship at your feet. You do have very attractive feet you know.
*looks up
Damn it Bob cut tape!
Bob *mumbles his viagra supply will run out in a few days, thank goodness
Jennifer Geraldo, are you flirting with me? You know, I've needed a realy man *walks over to him, and runs a finger down his chest* for years. Can you point me to one?
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
George Carlin what the hell are you ladies doing with Skippy the Couch freak and Mr. Capotes Failure? You two guys grow a pair and go get some wood for a fire. Freakin' pansy boys.
Paula you haul your sweet buns over here and give me some of what you are drinking. Jenn, you just stay there and look pretty.
Brad: Tom, I have something that needs healing... and you're just the man I've had in mind for that 'repair' job.
Jenn: SEE? I told you! They can't even stop after we've crashed on some island, who knows where. How in the hell will I get my latte now? Someone better get that espresso machine, up and running, or there will be hell to pay.
Brad: Knock the crap off, Jenn. Espresso machine, on a deserted island? I knew that you had no brains, but I just throught that was because your face was always planted in some pie. What's your excuse now?
Jenn: Bradley, you're walking a fine line, mister... and it's not a straight one. Why don't you go play doctor with that scientologist freak. After all, that's what you said you were doing when I came home early from my filming, and found you two in the bedroom. OUR bedroom!
Rosie O'Donnell: Oh my god.... Tommy and Brad?! My sweet Tommy, and that delicious Brad, are knocking the boots? I knew it... that's why I couldn't get Tommy to stay the night with me after he was on my show.
Jenn: Rosie, here's a donut... go eat it, and shut up.
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
PAULA help!!!!!!!! Anna Nicole is stealing my booze! Those are my bottles! I took them out of the plane. So help me I will deflate your silicones if you touch that mini-bar!
Geraldo oooo me likes it when the ladies fight.
TOM Brad let's go look for some wood for the fire.
George Rosie I'll give you my donut if they come back with anything other than two stupid smiles on their faces
Brad: Oh Tom, I think that there is a lot of wood out there to be found. Let's go... this could take awile.
Rosie: Thanks for the offer *finishes stuffing the donut from Jenn in her mouth* but I think that we know that there will be no fire tonight if we leave it up to those boys.
Jenn: I told you... and now *she looks around in the 360* Oh my... who's that handsome man over there... he almost looks like a pirate. *drool*
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
*seeing Paula and Anna Nicole fight over a bottle of vodka
Caesar the Dog Whsiperer Tssst! *hits paula and ana with a pressure point kick.
Paula you can not let her get away with taking your stuff. You must assert your dominance. Show her who is in control. Don't make eye contact with her. You must be in control.
* Tssst! smacks Ana
Like this now you try
Geraldo yeah Paula show her who is dominant!
Caesar the Dog Whisperer Don't let her rip your blouse Paula! Be dominant.
BILL O'REILLY- Next up on the factor will be special correspondent Geraldo. He is on board the plane after having just left the summit to end world poverty in Sydney.
GERALDO- Bill can you hear me? 
PAULA- Can you take your hand off my leg? .
.
05-08-2006 10:56 PM
Bob the carmea dude dude she's just drunk 
TOM CRUISE oh my head hurts. I'm bleeding. Wait! I can heal! I'm not hurt. I feel no pain. Surviving the plane crash is a miracle. I must have reached a new level of Scientology.
Brad Pitt: What in the hell happened to the plane? I wonder if there are any orphaned children from the crash. I better go and check, and see what I can do to take care of them. Angie will love a few more children, especially if they are needy.
Jennifer Aniston: He hasn't even been away from that twit, Angelina, for more than 24 hours, and he's already trying to round up more children for their stupid family. I've got better things to do.
George Carlin what the hell are you ladies doing with Skippy the Couch freak and Mr. Capotes Failure? You two guys grow a pair and go get some wood for a fire. Freakin' pansy boys.
Rosie O'Donnell: Oh my god.... Tommy and Brad?! My sweet Tommy, and that delicious Brad, are knocking the boots? I knew it... that's why I couldn't get Tommy to stay the night with me after he was on my show.
Caesar the Dog Whsiperer Tssst! *hits paula and ana with a pressure point kick.
