My personal favorite Kevin Smith movie. In it, Loki and Bartleby are two angels who were cast out of heaven to spend eternity in Wisconsin, until an opportunity to return to heaven presents itself. Due to a loop-hole in the Catholic religion, on a certain day, if Loki and Bartleby pass through the arch-way of a particular Church, their sins will be forgiven, thus allowing them free-passage into heaven when they die.
The only catch is, it'd bring down the fabric of space, time and all of that, effectively destroying the universe.
Enter Bethany, a receptionist at an abortion clinic, one of the last descendants of Christ, and the only person able to stop Loki and Bethany. Assisted by her kooky side-kicks Jay and Silent Bob, and with the help of the Metatron and the thirteenth appostle, Rufus, Bethany must make the trek across America and save the world.
O' course God woulda done it himself, but he's MIA.
Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or... or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, "Do it - Do it and I'll f****** spank you. "
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Serendipity: I have issues with anyone who treats faith as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it.
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Serendipity: When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denomination's nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up.
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Metatron: So once he's done with the firstborn, Loki takes his friend Bartleby out for a post-slaughter drink. And over many rounds, they get into this discussion about whether or not murder in the name of God is okay. Now, Bartleby can run circles around Loki intellectually, not to mention that Loki's already half in the bag. And in the end, Bartleby convinces Loki to quit his position and take a lesser one that doesn't involve slaughter. So - very inebriated - Loki tells God he quits, throws down his fiery sword, and gives Him the finger. Which ruins it for the rest of us, because from that day forward, God decreed that all angels could no longer imbibe alcohol. Hence all the spitting.
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Bethany: Jesus didn't have any brothers or sisters. Mary was a virgin.
Rufus: Mary gave birth to CHRIST without having known a man's touch, that's true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he'd have stayed married to her all those years if he wasn't getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin Mary, those are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? Well, that's just plain gullibility.
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Rufus: I'm telling you, man, this ceremony is a big mistake.
Cardinal Glick: The Catholic Church does not make mistakes.
Rufus: Please. What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade?
Bethany: And its platform of noninvolvement during the Holocaust?
Cardinal Glick: All right, mistakes were made.
The Metatron was awesome. The thing that made me wanna see this movie originally was the scene where he appears in Bethany's room with the fire and all, and she gets him with the fire extinguisher.
Don't find it that funny anymore, really.
"I'm for it so we can put Nuclear power plants up there, and then beam the power back to earth on a laser beam." ~ Whidden
Watched this with the wife over the weekend. She thought it was okay. As soon as she saw Jay and Silent Bob jump in, she laughed at me, shook her head and said "of course", but she watched it because she recognized almost everbody in the movie.
I, on the other hand, hadn't watched the movie in years. Was surprised by how excessive the language was, though I really shouldn't have been. The story was still cool and fun, but what's wrong with me? Did I get old and not realize it?
"I'm for it so we can put Nuclear power plants up there, and then beam the power back to earth on a laser beam." ~ Whidden
Nah, sometimes I get that way. I'm in the mid-20's range and every now and again I get tired with too much d & f humor. If it's well placed and funny, I say do it all night long. I'm more about quality in raunch humor.
But it is a degredation of "entertainment" over here. It's like I watched this older episode of The Simpsons, the one where Lisa saw her future waaaaaaaaaay in the year 2010. Marge and Homer are watching television and Marge goes, "you know, FOX turned into a hardcore porn channel so gradually, I didn't even notice."
04-13-2006 02:05 AM
