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Dreamzwalker
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IT Workers Suffering From post #1  quote:



By Mike Olson

San Jose, CA - The Tourette?s Syndrome Association (TSA) has released a study indicating that more than 82% of all IT Workers are suffering from a new form of the Tourette?s Syndrome called Adult Onset Technical Support Tourette's Syndrome or TSTS for short.

The TSA began the study in April of 2002 after receiving a large volume of concerned requests for more information on Tourette?s from IT managers of various companies. The study indicates that more than 98% of IT workers suffering from TSTS work in helpdesk-like positions providing support over the phone. ?Phone support is the perfect medium, it encourages TSTS,? stated TSA spokesman Daniel J. Conti. ?There either needs to be a change in how these companies provide support, or their employers need to provide medication and mental care for these employees.?

Only one IT manager that helped to provide a study group for the TSA was willing to comment, but at his request the company he represents and his identity have been withheld. He would not answer any questions, but provided the following transcript of a phone call that is a key example of the disorder:

IT Worker: Thank you for calling ___. How can I help you?
Caller: Oh, geez my other phone is ringing, can you hold for a moment?
ITW: Ahh?
C: Great, thanks <hold music plays>
ITW: Of course I?ll hold. You son of a *****. DIE!!!
1 minute later
C: Thanks, my Microsoft doesn?t work.
<ITW presses the mute button>
ITW: GRRR!!! DIE!!!
<ITW unmutes the phone>
ITW: Okaaay? What are you trying to do?
C: Get my email.
ITW: Ok, what version of Windows do you have?
C: Whatever the latest one is.
ITW: So you have Windows XP?
C:No, it?s Windows 2001 NT.
<mute>
ITW: Ha-Ha-HA-HAA!!! DIE!!!
<unmute>
ITW: Okay, could you please click the start button and tell me what it says on the left?
C: ?Nothing?
<mute>
ITW: IDIOT! DIE!!!
<unmute>
C: Oh, wait did you mean click the Start button for Windows? That says Windows 2000. I was looking for the Start button on my computer and that just says NEC MultiSync P750.
<mute>
ITW: Dear God, please smite this moron dead to keep him from spreading his seed? DIE!!!
<unmute>
ITW: Great, that was exactly what I was looking for. Now if you could let?s click Start, then Settings and then Control Panel. Once you have the Control Panel open go ahead and double click on the Mail icon.
C: I don?t have a Mail icon.
<mute>
ITW: Another unanswered prayer? DIE!!!
<unmute>
ITW: It should be listed alphabetically.
C: No.
ITW: Yes.
C: Oh, I see it now, it?s after Internet Options. OK, it?s open.
<mute>
ITW: Well, my dear village IDIOT, alphabetically means that I is before M? DIE!!!
<unmute>
ITW: OK, great. Click once on Microsoft Exchange server and click properties. Once that opens click the Advanced tab.
C: I don?t have an advanced tab and I don?t see Microsoft Exchange server. It says Mouse Properties.
<mute>
ITW: DIE!!! DIE!!! DIE!!!
<unmute>
ITW: OK, this is the wrong one, so just click cancel. Then try to double click the Mail icon again.
C: I can?t.
ITW: You can?t?
C: No, I rebooted.
ITW: Okaaay? Might I ask why?
C: I was afraid I?d done the wrong thing, so I rebooted.
<mute>
ITW: May killer, bloodthirsty monkey?s ride into your home in the middle of the night on spastic, rabid goats and eat your liver!!! DIIIE!!!!!



What is really scary is that when he is talking to the caller he is using the kindest, nicest voice I have ever heard. That caller even wanted to talk to his manager to compliment him on his exemplary service,? John G. said. ?But then out of nowhere it?s like Satan takes his place. What?s worse is that they?re all like this??


Old Post 05-08-2003 05:24 PM
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bitwiz44
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post #2  quote:

A despencer of Prozac in the lunch room is need...

Old Post 05-08-2003 05:29 PM
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esskay
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post #3  quote:

All too familiar. My all-time favorite experience was the customer who's new controller card would make the garage door open or close every time he touched the mouse. Turns out his wife had returned home with groceries and was going in & out. He swore up & down that it was our product that was making his garage door open & close..

Old Post 05-08-2003 06:55 PM
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post #4  quote:

LMAO


Old Post 05-08-2003 07:19 PM
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bitwiz44
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Cool post #5  quote:

Subject: Fw: Updated Employee Handbook Effective Immediately
Date: Mon, 28 Apr 2003 22:20:42 -0500


DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.They are called Saturday & Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical Order.
For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go From 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on.
If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management


Old Post 05-09-2003 01:17 AM
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