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INReview INReview > The Scuttlebutt Lounge > Culture & Society > LOW LIFE MEN Yea you had one didn't you! (lets see if you have the guts to tell )
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bitwiz44
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Cool LOW LIFE MEN Yea you had one didn't you! (lets see if you have the guts to tell ) post #1  quote:



Ok Ladies..heres your chance...almost every woman has had one of these. state your worst nightmare relationship that you had with a man. Don't be shy...speak out..tell it like it is. Let other women know the 'Signs". how low can they Be!

Old Post 05-03-2003 03:50 AM
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bitwiz44
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Angry Why do guys eye other women? post #2  quote:

Why do guys eye other women?


Dear Bitwiz
Every time we go out, my boyfriend looks at other women. When I confront him, he either denies it or accuses me of being jealous. It's not that I'm jealous; it's just that I think what he's doing is incredibly rude. I have tried everything from temper tantrums to the silent treatment but nothing seems to work. How can I make him stop staring at other girls?
? Frustrated in Phoenix


Dear Frustrated,
You're like a dog trainer who's let the dog get the upper hand. By allowing yourself to get riled up over your man's boorish, bachelor-boy game, you're giving him a sense of power, which only encourages him. He's testing your limits. But in this instance, rapping him with a rolled-up newspaper won't solve the problem. You need to be a bit more sophisticated in your response.

When your beast misbehaves, you must remain calm, unruffled and in control. So when your guy starts whistling, "I'm a Girl-Watcher," grit your teeth, bite your hand, run off and howl at the moon. Just do it out of his sight. Remember, your anxiety is a tremendous incentive for him to continue his asinine antics. If you react with indifference, he ought to stop drooling so much and wag his tail a bit more.

There's another angle to consider, Frustrated, and that is that not only is he a belligerent ogler, but you're the paranoid jealous type. While he likes to provoke your anxiety, you've chosen him to confirm your insecurities about your own appeal. Each of you feels angry, misunderstood and defiant. You're like a pair of canines fighting to the death over a chewed-up, worthless doll.

If only one of you would let go, the game would lose its appeal. So I advise you, Frustrated, to try a new trick. Persuade your boyfriend that he can get your attention without a wandering eye. Save your energy for exploring common interests and, later, for whispering sweet nothings. In essence, you need to reward his positive behaviors while ignoring the negative ones.

A key component of your strategy should be to shore up your own self-confidence. If you are convinced of your own worth, no amount of eyeballing can rile you. Any time we go out in public, we're bound to see people who are younger, cuter and better dressed than we are. So what? They don't possess our special gifts and qualities. So join your beau in observing the local talent with bemused detachment, then move on. Hopefully he'll lose patience with this silly game. If not, you might want to exchange him for a gentler breed.


Old Post 05-04-2003 12:35 AM
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Michellecr71
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post #3  quote:

Dear Frustrated,

Here's another tactic - and I totally understand your frustration - there are men out there who won't make you feel .... ummm ... frustrated .... won't put you through that. You don't have to put up with that. I want someone who is so in to ME .... they aren't checking every other chic out .... and there are plenty of men who can make you feel that good. If you have one who doesn't make you feel that good about you ..... cut him loose .... you are looking at more and more heartache ..... it's prolly not worth it. Feel good about you and if he doesn't feel good about you .... get rid of him. Girlz rule!


Old Post 05-04-2003 01:13 AM
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esskay
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post #4  quote:

I guess for "most guys" checking out chicks would seem rude/misplaced. Personally I don't think it's a big deal. I'm a "people watcher", enjoy being observant, admiring everyone around me - and it has zero impact on my relationship. My wife is the same way. Sometimes we try to determine together who in the crowd isn't wearing underwear - sorta make sport of it

Old Post 05-04-2003 04:03 AM
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helen55
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post #5  quote:

that's cool - whatever a couple does together and both get a kick out of it, have all the fun and may you stay together forever.

but there are guys, and men, and i assume girls and women, who are like alcoholics, always one step short of giving in to their urge.

i had a husband who was into looking at women and addicted to porn - i'm glad i finally got rid of him. we were married 21 years, since then he's been married 4-5 times with multiple live-in relationships in between. after my divorce i fell for a fellow who seemed to be different but in the end i found on his camcoder shots of a young girl laying on the beach - with him voicing into the video "oh yeah, tit shot" well that was the end of that 10 year relationship.

i think both guys (these were no men by my definition) had one thing in common: a whirlwind passionate romance and incredible sex (8 hours at a time) and they obviously had a complex about their manhood. i was too naive to think the passion was in response to me. while both may have loved me the best they could both were immature and insecure and always looking.

i know a few happily married couples - they started out slow and they have made it last, and that's my best guess of how to spot a player - what qualities in YOU do they appeal to? just having fun and passionate sex is not enough to make it last.


Old Post 05-04-2003 08:15 AM
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bitwiz44
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Cool Other stories... post #6  quote:

I met a man six months ago, and we have been married for two months. We are very young, and the decision was made in haste. Now I am full of regrets and want to end it. After much deliberation, last week I told him I want a divorce/annulment. This man has always been obsessive and controlling, so as we discussed it, he insisted that we are NOT going to get a divorce, that we are the perfect couple, that our marriage is the "example of what other marriages should be like," etc. Truth be told, I really can't stand him, and I want to separate before things get complicated. I am not in physical danger, but I want out and quick! Should I run away? Fake my own death?



My husband and I just returned from a three-week vacation halfway around the world to visit his sister and attend her wedding. I do not particularly like my husband's sister, and I don't know how to tell him. He would be totally devastated. They have an odd relationship that neither I nor anyone in my family understands. Every time they see each other, and one of them departs, they cry like babies. It's as if the departure is the last time that they will ever see each other?as if one of them is going off to death row. Without consulting me, my husband offered to pay for half of the ticket price or meet halfway the next time we are to visit. I would rather not go and also not pay for the ticket. How do I tactfully tell him without hurting his feelings that I do not like her and that I do not want to participate in such an offer? My family tells me I should be grateful that she lives halfway around the world and that I should keep my mouth shut. I don't want to maintain a charade of liking her when I really do not.


My husband and I have been married six and a half years, and I am a stay-at-home mom to our toddler son. My husband has worked at the same company since graduating college. I am very proud of him and tell him so. He is the youngest VP in the history of his company. The downside to his success is that I feel like work is his first priority. He never offers to cut his hours for me if I'm sick, for instance. Calling in for him is never an option, not even when he's sick (which is hardly ever). He's always talking about how productive he is at work, yet when I ask him to do something around the house, I have to write it down so he doesn't forget. I'm just tired of feeling second to his job. We've got a son and a home that need his attention, too. We've argued about this, talked calmly about it, discussed our concerns and issues, but nothing ever changes. Work comes first. if I can't change my husband's attitude, how can I deal with this?


Old Post 05-04-2003 02:25 PM
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