Ok guys this may sound very insensitive because I posted this in a parenting thread but haven't we all as teenagers felt that our parents were encroaching on our lives and we wanted independence? I remember when I was a teenager, probably eighteen, I was totally a rebel. I thought that I was like a slave to my parents and I wanted freedom. When your younger its kind of like your children are defenseless and need you more so than a teenager who is growing up. How many parents out there are going through that stage of the game where your children half grown? Does the thought that they want to make their own rules and be a normal person make parenting harder?
'Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo'- H.G Wells
I think this is normal for most teens. I was the same way. As my daughter is rapidly approaching those years, I feel that I want to avoid harsh sentiments by empowering her with rational decision-making tools and enabling her freedoms a bit at a time so that she doesn't feel like we're holding her back. We want to be her best friends as parents, not embarassing enemies.
Sean Kelly said this in post #2 : . my daughter is rapidly approaching those years.
I know what you mean, it will be a very long time till my daughter reaches those years since she is only six years old. When I read about child development, I realize that its not all the child's fault. Some girls receive their periods at thirteen and some as young as twelve. Boys reach puberty very early now of days and that makes all the difference. It was different in my day because I didn't get my period until I was seventeen and now girls are getting theirs much earlier. Something that amazes me.
quote:
'Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo' H.G Wells
My parents were pretty strict, but when I turned 18 then I was treated like an adult. They trusted me to make the right decisions at that point. Before that, they were pretty untrusting, but I had a troublemaker for an older sister.
If my kids grow up to be level headed, then I will try to give them the freedom to make their choices. I still plan to be there watching and supporting. It is hard to call because my kids are 5 and 3. Each kid is different.
hazel_dragoneye said this in post #3 : It was different in my day because I didn't get my period until I was seventeen and now girls are getting theirs much earlier.
Well I guess that makes you not a father.
Maybe you were just a late-bloomer? I've always heard that puberty can hit girls as early as 9 or 10 - 17 seems a-typically late to me.. not "too late".. just later than average.
I think the worst part about early puberty is that parents are faced with teaching the kid how to rationalize the world and defy hormonal urges when their minds are not yet conditioned for such rationality..
The whole rebellion thing is strange. Take it from someone with very little parental guidance, the less you get, the less you rebel. You do what you want, and you learn from your mistakes.
Now take my friend, who has his parents there every step of the way. He 'rebels' a lot more than me.
I can see why parents are afraid to give their kids freedom to do what they want and learn from their mistakes, but usually it works out for the better. In my case, my mom doesn't realy have a choice. But if you raise your kids right, when you let them loose they'll tend to make the right decisions. But if you aren't there for your kids at all, they'll latch on to their peers and are more likely to do stupid stuff like drink and smoke and have sex.
I'd be scared to let my kids loose, because sooner or later they'll get themselves into something real bad, but it's the way they get themselves out of it that really shows who they are.
I dunno, my 2 cents.
wait, wtf am I doing in the parenting thread in the first place?
Kevin: Remember that one time when I ate those napkins?
Me: (laughing) Yeah.
Kevin: That was funny. Do you remember what made me do it?
Me: I'm pretty sure you just said, "Hey, watch me eat these napkins".
Kevin: (laughing) Yeah, that sounds about right.
Maybe you were just a late-bloomer? I've always heard that puberty can hit girls as early as 9 or 10 - 17 seems a-typically late to me.. not "too late".. just later than average.
I think the worst part about early puberty is that parents are faced with teaching the kid how to rationalize the world and defy hormonal urges when their minds are not yet conditioned for such rationality..
17 is late. I was early for my generation and I had mine at 12. It has to be hard for kids nowdays. I would hope that values instilled by the parents help them to resist that and an understanding about human reproduction.
that was my nickname in high school, 'Bloomer'. I was very late because most of my friends had theirs at fifteen and fourteen and I considered them to be so lucky. But that was in the early 80s and I'm sure things have changed.
'Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo'- H.G Wells
she always said I was rebellious because I wanted to go over to my friends houses after school
WHAT IN GOD'S NAME IS REBELLIOUS ABOUT THAT?!
sure, I argued and complained a lot, but how is that rebellion?
If she said I had to be home by 7:00, but i was home at 7:05, I'D GET FREAKIN GROUNDED
ARGH!
I've heard of kids who, when their parents grounded them, said "no i'm not" and then went out and did whatever the hell they wanted. I couldn't believe it.
Dammit I was a good kid. Got good grades, never got in trouble.
OOOOOOOO it makes me mad just thinking about it.
Ok.... I live on my own now so that part of my life is gone and I never want to think about it again.
Whenever life gets me down I just think "man... at least I don't live with my parents."
It was different in my day because I didn't get my period until I was seventeen and now girls are getting theirs much earlier. Something that amazes me.
God I wish I was you. I got mine when I was 11, I'm 16 now...
I have to agree with what Spaliznad said, it's very true that teens are less likely to rebel the more freedom they have.
It's like the whole drug issue, people say that if drugs were made leagal no one would want to do them anymore. I've never done drugs.. so I can't argue, but the theory is a good one. If teens have freedom then what is there to rebel against?
My one friend Danae ( i love her) has a lot of freedom. And honestly she is going to be the best soccer mom in the world when she get's married and has kids. She is the most responsible person I know and gives me rides to practices and events more than my own parents do. Her mom gave her a lot of freedom, but at the same time laid down the rules. Her mom is really very sweet and easy to talk to, honestly I wish I was her.
My parents on the other hand, they give me a lot of freedom. I can go out with my friends for the most part when I want.. but they did things in a bad way. Basically I get no support from them whatsoever. And to be quite honest I don't have any real motives when it comes to school and stuff to do well. Because even as a kid I never had any support or a driving force. I figured it didn't matter what I did because no matter how well I did do my parents wouldn't notice, and no matter how badly I did (unless I am failing) I knew they wouldn't care either. I'm a good kid, I do well in the things that I care about and can put my mind to, but sometimes I wish that my parents were a bit more around. I guess every parent and child has to find a happy medium.
One thing I have found out though for all you parents out there. When it comes to personal space and teenagers.. this is very important. My biggest pet peeve is someone walking into my bedroom or going through my things, and I know my friends have the same problems. It's natural for us teens to want to separate from our parents, but at the same time I think it's easier to stay in communication if there is a line drawn and boundaries are set. This way everyone knows where they stand, and what lines can and cannot be crossed.
Won't you go away
and leave me till the time of dying days
stand here by my side
and watch the river flood and pass us by
daemon17, back me up on this: my parents are the most controlling people in the world.
I'm not exagerating at all, they literally keep me inside the house to yell at me all day. I have to rebel against them just to get 2 hours at the local public library. It has such a huge effect on me psychologically. I don't understand why they keep me in a house that I hate. They have no reason to suspect me of doing anything bad. I think they just want a controlled environment in which to mold me into the perfect little Slusar.
Obviously, it's not working, because I'm quite a messed up kid.
They don't realize that by making all of my decisions for me, I'm going to be screwed over when I go off to college in about a year. I know I'll be confused: I always have a hard time making a simple decision because of this, so how am I going to make important ones?
Lift the Wings that carry me away from here and
Fill the sail that breaks the line to home
When I'm miles and miles apart from you
I'm beside you when I dream of you - a Stóirín a Grá
my parents (devorced) arent controlling, my mum doesnt need to be, i live with here, but im a little angel. she tries to get control, like "clean your room", but that just makes me not want to do it, i clean when i get the motivation to.
my dad, well hes cool, cos i only see him like once a year, if im lucky, so its kind of make the most of the time we have together. he lives in Canada (for now, soon he'll be in belgium, a bit closer, but still a 3 hour flight)
my brother, well he used to be really bad, we were fighting ALL the time, but its got to the stage where if we did fight, we would probly kill each other. (when i was at my grandmas over christmas i had "you've turned out to be a really nice boy" about a million times, i used to be terrible truely terrible
daemon17 said this in post #10 : ... I get no support from them whatsoever. And to be quite honest I don't have any real motives when it comes to school and stuff to do well. Because even as a kid I never had any support or a driving force. I figured it didn't matter what I did because no matter how well I did do my parents wouldn't notice, and no matter how badly I did (unless I am failing) I knew they wouldn't care either. I'm a good kid, I do well in the things that I care about and can put my mind to, but sometimes I wish that my parents were a bit more around. I guess every parent and child has to find a happy medium...
This sounds a bit like my relationship with a broken family through high school. I didn't even have a responsible school counselor nor any respectable role models to turn to.
You sound like you've got a good head start and are pretty clear about where you are in life though. My wake up call came on my 18th birthday towards the end of my senior year of highschool. With the realization that I was at that point officially an adult, I quickly reminded myself that I was then attending school completely at my option: because I chose to attend. Nobody could "make" me.
That was when it became crystal clear to me that what I did in school and the things I chose to do with my time were not for anyone else but myself. It didn't matter what my parents, other adults, and escpecially other dumbass kids, thought about my achievements or what I was doing: it was all about me!
This epiphany empowered me. It drove me to succeed, to challenge myself continually because nobody else would. Because most other people pretty much told me, "no, you can't do that." "you're too weak", "you're not smart enough", "you're not athletic enough", "you're just, plain not good enough." Screw them. Where are they now, waiting tables at the local diner? I don't care. I've got my life and accomplishments and both short term and long term goals personally, profesionally and with my family, and no other person like that will ever impact me again.
Here's to hoping you discover the same strength within yourself. I know you want a closer relationship with your parents and you can certainly urge further developments on that front, but don't lose yourself in that family struggle.
11-02-2004 11:11 PM
truely terrible
