Chat or Talk in the INReview Discussion Forum Chat or Talk in the INReview Discussion Forum
 
register chat members links refer search home
INReview INReview > The Scuttlebutt Lounge > General Discussion > Jokes & Other Humor > One liners
Search this Thread:
  Print Version | Email Page | Bookmark | Subscribe to Thread
Author
Thread Post New Thread   
adityamahesh
Definitively Illumined

offline
Registered: Oct 2003
Local time: 12:47 PM
Location:
Posts: 15266

One liners post #1  quote:



Here are some one liners, courtesy of my Computer Science teacher:

Life is wonderful. Without it we'd all be dead.

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.


Old Post 01-31-2004 12:04 AM
Click here to Send adityamahesh a Private Message Find more posts by adityamahesh Add adityamahesh to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore adityamahesh REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

adityamahesh
Definitively Illumined

offline
Registered: Oct 2003
Local time: 12:47 PM
Location:
Posts: 15266

post #2  quote:

Here are some more:

"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.


Old Post 01-31-2004 08:40 PM
Click here to Send adityamahesh a Private Message Find more posts by adityamahesh Add adityamahesh to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore adityamahesh REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Alpha&Omega
Enthusiast

offline
Registered: Nov 2003
Local time: 02:47 PM
Location: I forget
Posts: 82

post #3  quote:



Old Post 02-16-2004 09:57 PM
Click here to Send Alpha&Omega a Private Message Visit Alpha&Omega's homepage! Find more posts by Alpha&Omega Add Alpha&Omega to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Alpha&Omega REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

mrsdje
Enthusiast

offline
Registered: Jan 2004
Local time: 07:47 PM
Location: london
Posts: 85

post #4  quote:

omg lololololololololololol more more more

Old Post 02-21-2004 04:30 PM
Click here to Send mrsdje a Private Message Find more posts by mrsdje Add mrsdje to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore mrsdje REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Alpha&Omega
Enthusiast

offline
Registered: Nov 2003
Local time: 02:47 PM
Location: I forget
Posts: 82

post #5  quote:

You should become a vegitarian. Not because you like animals, but because you hate plants.

Old Post 02-25-2004 12:42 AM
Click here to Send Alpha&Omega a Private Message Visit Alpha&Omega's homepage! Find more posts by Alpha&Omega Add Alpha&Omega to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Alpha&Omega REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

adityamahesh
Definitively Illumined

offline
Registered: Oct 2003
Local time: 12:47 PM
Location:
Posts: 15266

post #6  quote:

By popular demand, here are some more:

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

Programming is an art form that fights back.

"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.

Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.

To define recursion, we must first define recursion.

Good programming is 99% sweat and 1% coffee.

Home is where you hang your @

The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

p.s. Some of these are inside jokes which only programmers will understand. Sorry if you don't find those ones funny.


Old Post 02-25-2004 01:26 AM
Click here to Send adityamahesh a Private Message Find more posts by adityamahesh Add adityamahesh to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore adityamahesh REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Gold Member
Whidden
KANSAS LAW DOG

offline
Registered: May 2003
Local time: 01:47 PM
Location: Yon Woady Pump
Posts: 16676

post #7  quote:



Old Post 02-25-2004 02:00 AM
Click here to Send Whidden a Private Message View Whidden's Journal Find more posts by Whidden Add Whidden to your buddy list Send an AIM message to Whidden Whidden's MSN ID is whidden1@cox.net Click Here to Ignore Whidden REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

adityamahesh
Definitively Illumined

offline
Registered: Oct 2003
Local time: 12:47 PM
Location:
Posts: 15266

post #8  quote:

Here are some more:

A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.

You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.

Great groups from little icons grow.

Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.

C:\ is the root of all directories.

Don't put all your hypes in one home page.

Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.

The modem is the message.

Too many clicks spoil the browse.

The geek shall inherit the earth.

A chat has nine lives.

Don't byte off more than you can view.

p.s. Whidden, does that mean 'rolling with laughter'?


Old Post 02-25-2004 05:19 AM
Click here to Send adityamahesh a Private Message Find more posts by adityamahesh Add adityamahesh to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore adityamahesh REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Gold Member
Whidden
KANSAS LAW DOG

offline
Registered: May 2003
Local time: 01:47 PM
Location: Yon Woady Pump
Posts: 16676

post #9  quote:

That's what it means!

Old Post 02-25-2004 11:48 PM
Click here to Send Whidden a Private Message View Whidden's Journal Find more posts by Whidden Add Whidden to your buddy list Send an AIM message to Whidden Whidden's MSN ID is whidden1@cox.net Click Here to Ignore Whidden REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

adityamahesh
Definitively Illumined

offline
Registered: Oct 2003
Local time: 12:47 PM
Location:
Posts: 15266

post #10  quote:

Okay, I don't really understand that smiley either. Does that mean laughing hard? Or are you trying to be sarcastic?

Old Post 02-26-2004 03:54 AM
Click here to Send adityamahesh a Private Message Find more posts by adityamahesh Add adityamahesh to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore adityamahesh REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Gold Member
Whidden
KANSAS LAW DOG

offline
Registered: May 2003
Local time: 01:47 PM
Location: Yon Woady Pump
Posts: 16676

post #11  quote:

I think he is meant to convey buck toothed hick smile dude .

I'm not bucktoothed, but I am a hick.


Old Post 02-26-2004 04:14 AM
Click here to Send Whidden a Private Message View Whidden's Journal Find more posts by Whidden Add Whidden to your buddy list Send an AIM message to Whidden Whidden's MSN ID is whidden1@cox.net Click Here to Ignore Whidden REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

adityamahesh
Definitively Illumined

offline
Registered: Oct 2003
Local time: 12:47 PM
Location:
Posts: 15266

post #12  quote:

The last few:

Fax is stranger than fiction.

What boots up must come down.

Windows will never cease. (ed. oh sure...)

In Gates we trust. (ed. yeah right....)

Virtual reality is its own reward.

Modulation in all things.

A user and his leisure time are soon parted.

There's no place like http://www.home.com

Know what to expect before you connect.

Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.

Speed thrills.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.


Old Post 02-29-2004 04:20 AM
Click here to Send adityamahesh a Private Message Find more posts by adityamahesh Add adityamahesh to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore adityamahesh REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Staff
gaboman
What Would Jack Do?

offline
Registered: Aug 2003
Local time: 03:47 AM
Location: The land, the land down under.
Posts: 12701

post #13  quote:

Murphy's Laws Of Combat Operations (One Liners)


Friendly fire - isn't.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.

Suppressive fires - won't.

You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

If at first you don't succeed, call in an airstrike.

If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready. & when you're not.

No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

Five second fuzes always burn three seconds.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

The easy way is always mined.

Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

If the enemy is within range, so are you.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.

Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.

Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.

Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.

Tracers work both ways.

If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.

When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.

Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.

Military Intelligence is a contradiction.

Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.

Weather ain't neutral.

If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.

Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.

'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.

The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.

Napalm is an area support weapon.

Mines are equal opportunity weapons.

B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.

Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.

Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.

The one item you need is always in short supply.

Interchangeable parts aren't.

It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.

When in doubt, empty your magazine.

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you may have misjudged the situation.

If two things are required to make something work, they will never be shipped together.

Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.

The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.

There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.

If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

You'll only remember your hand grenades when the sound is too close to use them.

Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

Well .. It could be worse: It could be raining .. and we could be out in it.

So he said, "Cheer up: it could be worse!" So we cheered up. And it got worse.

The side with the simplest uniform wins...

The spare batteries for the PRC-whatever your troops have been carrying are either nearly dead or for the wrong radio.

The ping you heard was the antenna snapping off at 6 inches above the flexmount, while a fire mission was being called in on a battalion of hostiles who know your position.

Why is it the CO sticks his head in your radio hooch to see if anything has come down from DIV when you are listening to the VOA broadcasting the baseball games?

How come you are on one frequency when everyone else is on another?

Why does your 500-watt VRC-26 (real old) not make it across 200 miles while a ham with 50 watts on the same MARS frequency can be heard from Stateside?

Know why short RTOs have long whips on their radios? So someone can find them when they step in deep water.

The enemy "Alway's" times his attack, to the second you drop your pant's in the Latrine!!

The ammo you new "NOW"!! is on the "Next" airdrop!!


Old Post 03-05-2004 03:30 AM
Click here to Send gaboman a Private Message Find more posts by gaboman Add gaboman to your buddy list Reply w/Quote
Time: 07:47 PM Post New Thread   
  Print Version | Email Page | Bookmark | Subscribe to Thread
INReview INReview > The Scuttlebutt Lounge > General Discussion > Jokes & Other Humor > One liners
Search this Thread:
Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is OFF
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON
Forum Policies Explained
 
Rate This Thread:

< >

Copyright ?2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Limited
Page generated in 0.05472493 seconds (87.59% PHP - 12.41% MySQL) with 37 queries.

ADS

© 2018, INReview.com.   Popular Forums  All Forums   Web Hosting by Psyphire.
INReview.com: Back to Home