I am single. I like being single. I like being childless. Will I be that way all my life? I hope not. I want to get married and have kids, just not right now. The problem? Everyone is always asking me, so when are you going to get married and have kids? This drives me crazy. What should I do?
Do what you want to do, you want kids and marriage, okay it will happen... when you are ready. I at times miss being single, not because I despise my girlfriend or want to just be with any girl, but because of the freedom and privacy I had. It takes alot of work to build onto a relationship, sometimes it's hard but most of the time it's rewarding. I think when it becomes hard is when I start thinking of when I was single so I just write it off as angry thoughts of the moment.
Cherish your time being single, have fun and keep putting together the description and preferences of the person you want to be with, but realize not everyone is perfect. I wouldn't worry about being alone the rest of your life.
When people pester you, tell them that you are happy with things are in your life at this time... that you do want to settle down and have a family, SOMEDAY, but just not now. Don't ever let people, especially your family, pressure you into doing something that you're not ready for. If you do, you could make a decision that will make you extremely unhappy for the rest of your life... especially if you bring a child(ren) into a marriage, that you might not have been ready for, or completely happy with.
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
heather, don't let others make you feel bad about being single. I love being single. I have no one to fight with, no one to yell at me. My mess is my own. I can play music late at night and no one is disturbed by it.
I think you should start making answers up when people ask you if your are seeing someone. Say, "Oh yes, I'm dating 3 people right now." Then move on to another subject.
I love being childless right now. I used to think it would be nice to have 2 kids and raise them to be good kids. But as I age I realize that would have been a mistake on my part. I would have been a good parent, but I'm glad I decided not to. I don't want my life revolving around my kids. It's just not for me. I no longer have pets either. I just don't have the time for kids or pets. I love animals though and I do miss having a pet, almost like a perpetual child.
There is a certain freedom that comes from not having children or a relationship. Relationships are great when you find the right one.
Next time someones asks when you are getting married say "April 4th 2034, thanks for asking."
I believe that music is the ultimate expression of my soul.
For every facet of my humanity, there is a sound that can touch my soul, in a way that words cannot express. ---Outsider
Heather, I hate to tell you this, but the questions will keep coming. You have the singles questions. When you get married it is "so when are you going to have a baby",then "so are you going to have another baby". So, until you are done having kids and EVERYONE knows that you can't have anymore, people will ask nosy and stupid questions. Sorry that it is bad news, but it is true.
I have to agree with everyone's response to your question. I think it's rude of people to constantly pressure other people about their progression in life. If you wanted to take a synical road, you could always answer their question with a question about their personal lives.
Example: Your oldest Aunt keeps pestering you about when you're going to settle down and have kids.
You can fire back with "Aunt Melba, when are you going to move into a retirement home so the rest of the family can split up most of your household treasures?" or "When are you going for your next mammogram? A woman your age should keep an eye on her health!"
When the offended party then remarks that your questions are too personal or simply none of your business, you can respond that yes you're aware it was personal, apologize, tell them that you were only kidding, but that just as those things might feel personal to them, questioning you about your reproductive plans is personal to you too.
Holy War....You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend. - Richard Jeni
I'm single. I like being single (some times). I like not having any kids. I don't want any kids and I don't plan on getting married either. Yet, I get asked the same question: So, when are you going to get married and have kids? It's like I say to them: What's the matter with you? Are you NUTS??!?!!?!!! The funny part is that I will probably be this way for the rest of my life. I've been like this since I was too little to know what I was talking about and I'm 22 now and my mind/opinion hasn't changed a bit.
When someone asks you, So, when are you going to get married and have kids? I guess you could always tell them, When God becomes available.
My sister-in-law, when she had her baby, she actually made the comment to me, "Now, if we can just get you to reproduce..."
I told her that the world doesn't need me to help it reproduce. It seems to be reproducing quite well without me!!!!
The one think I know, because I know many people without children, is that by the time you are 30, if you haven't had kids, you probably won't.
A lot of my married friends say they decided that in their late 20's/early 30's. They like being child free. They like kids, they just don't want any of their own. Nephews and Nieces are fine for them.
And some people choose to get married very late in life. I know a few people who got married for the first time in their mid to late 40's.
I believe that music is the ultimate expression of my soul.
For every facet of my humanity, there is a sound that can touch my soul, in a way that words cannot express. ---Outsider
If you're single, enjoy your life and are not looking to have a family, try curbing the intrusive question of "When are you going to have a baby?" with: "When there's a star shining in the northern sky."
Holy War....You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend. - Richard Jeni
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh THOSE questions......... I use to get that as well the "when are you guys getting married" when I was with my kid's father. I used to retort "when you are in your grave".... yeah I know it was mean but after a while its like "come on gimme a freaking break............. then it was the kid question.................. now 2 kids later and 6.5 years into my relationship with Joshua I once again get pestered with the marriage questions................ why do people need to pressure us??? Can't we just be happy as a couple?? After dealing with my children's father, whom I thankfully never married, I am even more sure marriage will NEVER be for me. I love my boyfriend, deeply, and are as committed to him as if we were married.... without the damn ceremony or piece of paper but marriage *shiver* NOT for me
ohhhhhhhhh I am, rambling, ain't I??? Anyhow Heather enjoy your single status and enjoy it to it's fullest. Don't get pressured into a hasty relationship/marriage for the sake of pleasing ANYONE.... because in the long run the one suffering will be you and not them. At times I miss being single with no kids................ you have NO idea the amount of work it takes to keep both things happy........ ahhh to be 18 again
E
"In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience" ~ W.B. Prescott
"Happiness is good health and a bad memory" ~ Ingrid Bergman
I feel for you...I do, but as others have already said, the unfortunate truth is it will continue. I am married without children. My husband and I do not want children. Can people accept that and let it drop? Nope, apparently not. People have been as rude as to ask me why I bothered getting married if we didn't want children. I like to respond with, "I wanted his last name". It confuses them and amuses me. I say, have fun with it but, unfortunately, get used to it. (I like Chelktty's response! -post #7)
"What one believes to be real, will be real in it's concequences"
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"
Some girl that was in one of my classes this last quarter asked me and my other half when we were going to be getting married. We were both like "HUH?!?!?!?!?!" Of course, she thought it was funny. My mother hasn't given "the marriage speech" to this one yet, and I hope to God that she doesn't either "If the two of you ever decide to get married, the word divorce is not in this family's vocabulary..." No, correction: "divorce" is not in my mother's vocabulary. If I get married and ten years later I decide to get a divorce, I hardly see where that is her decision to make. I'm rambling. I'll shut up now.
I do not believe in marriage. If two people feel strongly enough about each other that should be enough. I do not think having children is the answer either. Marriage is a binding commitment that forces people to go to court to break up. Children are a reason people who no longer are in love stay married or together. We live in a free country, so relationships should be a matter of choice-not contractual obligation.
12-28-2003 06:48 PM
"If the two of you ever decide to get married, the word divorce is not in this family's vocabulary..." No, correction: "divorce" is not in my mother's vocabulary. If I get married and ten years later I decide to get a divorce, I hardly see where that is her decision to make. I'm rambling. I'll shut up now.
