Chat or Talk in the INReview Discussion Forum Chat or Talk in the INReview Discussion Forum
 
register chat members links refer search home
INReview INReview > The Scuttlebutt Lounge > General Discussion > Jokes & Other Humor > Rednecks thread...
Search this Thread:
  Print Version | Email Page | Bookmark | Subscribe to Thread
Author
Thread Post New Thread   
Diamond Member
Lawless
All About Brad!

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location: Freezing in Colorado
Posts: 27144

Rednecks thread... post #1  quote:



Just decided to have a little fun here. Post all your redneck jokes, etc... here and have fun!! Remember, it's all in fun. This isn't real...

Old Post 11-21-2003 10:03 PM
Click here to Send Lawless a Private Message View Lawless's Journal Visit Lawless's homepage! Find more posts by Lawless Add Lawless to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Lawless REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Diamond Member
Lawless
All About Brad!

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location: Freezing in Colorado
Posts: 27144

WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN? post #2  quote:

The University of Mississippi's "Dept. of Southern Studies" has announced the results of a ten year inquiry into the relationship of birthdays to personality traits.

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A Chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon, butter, or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky mating possibility.


Old Post 11-21-2003 10:03 PM
Click here to Send Lawless a Private Message View Lawless's Journal Visit Lawless's homepage! Find more posts by Lawless Add Lawless to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Lawless REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Staff
HECK!
Bluto

offline
Registered: May 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location: Delta House
Posts: 17648

post #3  quote:

If you watch a working television sitting on top of a non-working television, you might be a redneck. And yes, that's from good ol' Foxworthy... the man owns the topic.

-HECK!


Old Post 11-21-2003 10:42 PM
Click here to Send HECK! a Private Message View HECK!'s Journal Find more posts by HECK! Add HECK! to your buddy list Send an AIM message to HECK! Reply w/Quote

Diamond Member
Lawless
All About Brad!

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location: Freezing in Colorado
Posts: 27144

post #4  quote:

Gotta love Foxworthy... he is the BEST!!!

If you have to climb to the top of a water tower, with a bucket of paint, to defend your sisters honor... you might be a redneck!!!

If your dog and your wallet both have a chain attached to them, you might be a redneck.

If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck!

If your mother keeps a spitcup on the ironing board, you might be a redneck!


Old Post 11-21-2003 11:07 PM
Click here to Send Lawless a Private Message View Lawless's Journal Visit Lawless's homepage! Find more posts by Lawless Add Lawless to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Lawless REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Gold Member
mystic
Evil Queen

offline
Registered: Apr 2003
Local time: 04:12 AM
Location: In my castle
Posts: 13357

post #5  quote:

Wow, somebody done been to the WalMart!
(Jeff) Man, this is the stuff I got for Christmas.
Well you cleaned up! Whadya git?

Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Hey Bubba, you got gypped -- there's 12 days to Christmas.
(Jeff) I know that, I got it covered. Look over in the corner.
That's yours too?
Yea!

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Man, this ain't normal Christmas presents!
No, they're redneck gifts!
Redneck gifts?
Yea, you know, like
if you buy your wife earrings that double as fishing lures.
Or, if you can burp the entire chorus of "Jingle Bells"
Perhaps if you think "The Nutcracker" is something you did off a high-dive.
Or, if you've ever misspelled something in Christmas lights.
Or, if you leave cold beer and pickled eggs for Santa Claus.

What's wrong with that?
I didn't say anything wrong with it...
It's hard to beat...

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.

Well, you can't really consider it a Christmas
'less you go down to the penitentiary and visit your mama.
You're not listenin' to me!
Get the car key outta your ear.
That's where the nine years probation comes in...
I'm gonna do it for ya again.
Now listen...

Chorus:
Twelve-pack of Bud
Eleven Wrastling tickets
Ten o' Copenhagen
Nine years probation
Eight table dancers
Seven packs of Redman
Six cans of Spam
Five flannel shirts
Four big mud tires
Three shotgun shells
Two hunting dogs
... And some parts to a Mustang GT.


AND.......................


Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer,
The beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler,
The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys,
I was camped out on my old La-Z-Boy,

The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife,
The worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives,
My wife couldn't argue and neither could I,
So I watched TV and my wife, she just cried

When out in the yard the dog started barkin'
I stood up and looked and saw Sheriff Larkin
He yelled, "Roy I amd sworn to uphold the laws
And I got a complaint from a feller named Clause."

I said, "Clause, I don't know nobody named Clause,
And you ain't takin me in without probable cause."
Then the Sheriff he said, "The man was shot at last night."
I said, "That might've been me, just whats he look like?

The Sheriff replied, "Well he's a jolly old feller, with a big beer gut belly
That shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly
He sports a long beard and a nose like a cherry."
I said, "That sounds like my wife's sister Sherri."

"It's no time for jokes Roy," the Sheriff he said,
"The man I'm describing is dressed all in red
I'm here for the truth now, it's time to come clean,
Tell me what you done, and tell me what you seen."

Well I started to lie then I thought what the hell
It wouldn't be the first time I spent New Years in jail.
I said, "Sheriff it happened last night about ten,
I thought that my wife had been drinking again."

When she walked in from works she was white as a ghost
I thought maybe she'd seen one of them UFO's
But she said that a bunch of deer had just flown over her head
And stopped on the roof of our good neighbor Red,

Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shutter,
A freezer full of venison standing right on Red's gutter.
Well, my hands were a shaking as I grabbed my gun,
When outta Red's chimney this feller did run

And slung on his back was this bag overflowin'
I thought he'd stolen Red's stuff while old Red was out bowlin'
So I yelled, "Drop it fat boy, hands in the air."
But he went about his business like he hadn't a care

So I popped off a warning shot over his head,
Well he dropped that bag and he jumped in that sled,
And as he flew off i heard him extort,
"Thats assault with intent Roy, I'll see you in court."Ill tell you what sheriff if you put a subnet
on me I wont show up ill hold up in the cellar
and you?ll never rout me outta there
so why don?t you just
turn car off come
in well watch wrestling eat some
Easter bunny stew and talk about howta catch that tooth fairy
she?s been over here about every other night


Old Post 11-21-2003 11:39 PM
Click here to Send mystic a Private Message Find more posts by mystic Add mystic to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore mystic REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Diamond Member
Lawless
All About Brad!

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location: Freezing in Colorado
Posts: 27144

post #6  quote:

mystic... those are both great. I have them on cd, somewhere!!

Old Post 11-21-2003 11:58 PM
Click here to Send Lawless a Private Message View Lawless's Journal Visit Lawless's homepage! Find more posts by Lawless Add Lawless to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Lawless REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

fuscia is Away
Diamond Member
fuscia
no title

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location:
Posts: 24908

post #7  quote:

Mystic, LMAO!!! So very funny. Thanks for that fantastic post. How I miss Jeff Foxworthy.

Old Post 11-23-2003 01:15 AM
View fuscia's Journal Find more posts by fuscia Add fuscia to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore fuscia REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Staff
Nymphadora
I see you.

offline
Registered: Sep 2003
Local time: 05:12 AM
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 2470

post #8  quote:

LOl that is so funny. And hey I'm not a moon pie. I'll post some jokes when I can stop laughing.

Old Post 11-24-2003 03:59 PM
Click here to Send Nymphadora a Private Message View Nymphadora's Journal Find more posts by Nymphadora Add Nymphadora to your buddy list Reply w/Quote

chelktty
In the Now Guru

offline
Registered: Apr 2003
Local time: 05:12 AM
Location: Tampa
Posts: 2198

post #9  quote:


Those are too funny! I bought the Blue Collar Comedy Tour VHS for my step dad. They just ran it on Comedy Central, it was hilarious!

My friend in Las Vegas was a victim of one of his prank calls for his weekly radio show last week. They should air the call on the 30th in her area. I'm checking my local listings for it...I couldn't believe it when she told me.


Old Post 11-24-2003 05:26 PM
Click here to Send chelktty a Private Message Find more posts by chelktty Add chelktty to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore chelktty REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Larke2000
INReview Maven

offline
Registered: May 2003
Local time: 05:12 AM
Location:
Posts: 3859

post #10  quote:

funny stuff ya'll. the only thing i would like to correct is a few of the categories in KJ's list. nothing personal KJ, just wanted to give you some incite as to how we do things here in upstate SC.

okra? no, no, no. "okry" pronounced "oh-cree"

crawfish? had to look that one up. around here they're "crawdad's"

collards? just call 'em "greens" and don't forget the vinegar.

boiled peanuts: pronounced "bold" w/ a "uh" sound instead of "oh".

armadillo: "armadillah"

good list KJ, just wanted to proof it for you.


Old Post 11-24-2003 11:08 PM
Click here to Send Larke2000 a Private Message Find more posts by Larke2000 Add Larke2000 to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Larke2000 REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Diamond Member
Lawless
All About Brad!

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location: Freezing in Colorado
Posts: 27144

post #11  quote:

Oh Larke... you're too funny. I just put that in here. I think that if we had all the correct ways that you pronounce things, people wouldn't know what they were reading. Sometimes it's hard enough to understand what a redneck is saying!!!!



In Texas this is a complete sentence...

"I'll tell you what!"

If someone responds... "Well, what?" "I done just told ya!!!"

I love Jeff Foxworthy!!! That man cracks me up!


Old Post 11-24-2003 11:19 PM
Click here to Send Lawless a Private Message View Lawless's Journal Visit Lawless's homepage! Find more posts by Lawless Add Lawless to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Lawless REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

fuscia is Away
Diamond Member
fuscia
no title

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location:
Posts: 24908

post #12  quote:

MR F HERE
A friend of mine from Mooresville Indiana tells me they just passed a law that allows you to get divorced but still legally remain brother and sister.
ps. If you mow your lawn and find a car, you might be a redneck.


Old Post 11-26-2003 02:12 AM
View fuscia's Journal Find more posts by fuscia Add fuscia to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore fuscia REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

fuscia is Away
Diamond Member
fuscia
no title

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location:
Posts: 24908

post #13  quote:

MR F HERE

I ran into Billy Bob Bubba Ray today and he SWEARS this is a true story-

A friend of his from back home got divorced and married his ex-wifes sister. Five years later his brother married his ex. Now his two teenaged kids have taken to calling him "uncle daddy".


Old Post 12-02-2003 03:53 AM
View fuscia's Journal Find more posts by fuscia Add fuscia to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore fuscia REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Diamond Member
Lawless
All About Brad!

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location: Freezing in Colorado
Posts: 27144

post #14  quote:

LMAO

Old Post 12-02-2003 05:00 AM
Click here to Send Lawless a Private Message View Lawless's Journal Visit Lawless's homepage! Find more posts by Lawless Add Lawless to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Lawless REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Gold Member
mystic
Evil Queen

offline
Registered: Apr 2003
Local time: 04:12 AM
Location: In my castle
Posts: 13357

Re: WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN? post #15  quote:

quote:
Originally posted by KJ
CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.



Im not attractive??? Okay.....well.....at least.....well.....you know what they say....

two heads is better than one. ???




Old Post 12-02-2003 06:33 AM
Click here to Send mystic a Private Message Find more posts by mystic Add mystic to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore mystic REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Gold Member
mystic
Evil Queen

offline
Registered: Apr 2003
Local time: 04:12 AM
Location: In my castle
Posts: 13357

post #16  quote:

quote:
Originally posted by fuscia
MR F HERE

I ran into Billy Bob Bubba Ray today and he SWEARS this is a true story-

A friend of his from back home got divorced and married his ex-wifes sister. Five years later his brother married his ex. Now his two teenaged kids have taken to calling him "uncle daddy".



HILARIOUS!!!


Old Post 12-02-2003 06:34 AM
Click here to Send mystic a Private Message Find more posts by mystic Add mystic to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore mystic REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Diamond Member
Lawless
All About Brad!

offline
Registered: Jun 2003
Local time: 02:12 AM
Location: Freezing in Colorado
Posts: 27144

Re: WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN? post #17  quote:

quote:
Originally posted by KJ
BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.


Hey... here's me. I always get invited to the parties!!! I didn't know that!

I should be proud? Of what? It doesn't tell me... I mean, just for being a butter bean?

I do pretty much feel at home wherever I am... but, when I'm away from "home" I miss it!!!

I can sit next to anybody.... as long as they don't stink, have halicious breath, or talk to me incessiantly about stuff that I care nothing about.

Oh no... no moon pies? Well... if I don't have anything to do with them, then I guess that the saying... "Crack kills" won't apply to me, right?

Hmmmmmm... Butter BEAN? I think that I should have been called, Butter BALL!!


Old Post 12-02-2003 02:23 PM
Click here to Send Lawless a Private Message View Lawless's Journal Visit Lawless's homepage! Find more posts by Lawless Add Lawless to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore Lawless REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote

Gold Member
mystic
Evil Queen

offline
Registered: Apr 2003
Local time: 04:12 AM
Location: In my castle
Posts: 13357

Re: WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN? post #18  quote:

quote:
Originally posted by KJ
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.



Oooops! Im a collard! Not the other one...my b-day is in mid July, not June...I think I need glasses!

Wow...I have a genius for communication....(how can anyone argue that??? )

A social worker....eegads..no money in that profession!

Psychologist.....Okay, maybe that would do...as long as I can officially tell people they are insane...or crazy. You know, whatever works.

Baseball Manager....depends on what the "perks" are....A little "perk" with Fernando Vina I could definitely handle!!

Unless he is a moon pie....but then who cares....its not like I want to spend my life with him or anything....you know...its just part of the job as manager.


Old Post 12-03-2003 08:48 AM
Click here to Send mystic a Private Message Find more posts by mystic Add mystic to your buddy list Click Here to Ignore mystic REPORT this Post to a ModeratorNOMINATE this Post for Reward Points Reply w/Quote
Time: 10:12 AM Post New Thread   
  Print Version | Email Page | Bookmark | Subscribe to Thread
INReview INReview > The Scuttlebutt Lounge > General Discussion > Jokes & Other Humor > Rednecks thread...
Search this Thread:
Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is OFF
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON
Forum Policies Explained
 
Rate This Thread:

< >

Copyright ?2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Limited
Page generated in 0.06732512 seconds (88.36% PHP - 11.64% MySQL) with 44 queries.

ADS

© 2018, INReview.com.   Popular Forums  All Forums   Web Hosting by Psyphire.
INReview.com: Back to Home