Once upon a time, a devilishly handsome wizard boy named Mike received a sockmonkey for his 10th birthday. Little did he know, that his beloved snuggly toy was purchased in Knockturn Alley.
Now the years pass and Mike grows into a fine young man. Sockmonkey watches and as Mike grows more handsome and buff This sweet little sockmonkey becomes jealous and resentful. Why can't he look like Mike? Have fabulous and beautiful friends in foreign countries? Sockmonkey, overcome with these feelings turns to Evil. So, every night while Mike slumbers, Evil sockmonkey awakes and wreaks havoc all over the muggle and wizarding world.
These are the adventures of ...da da daaaaaaaa.EVIL SOCKMONKEY!
All Hallow Eve in San Diego. As Mr. Fuscia tends the fire in his chiminea, his glass of watermellon drink is mysteriously drained. Hours later, Sherry looks out the window to see an inebriated but buff sockmonkey dancing around the dying embers with a scantily dressed Barbie doll. She runs outside to rescue Barbie, but Evil sockmonkey shows her the finger and apparates home to the U.K.
Once back in the UK, sockmonkey makes slut-barbie his wife by means of a backstreet priest. He and his bride return to Maison de Mike to thwart his unappreciative but nevertheless stunning former master. But alas, Sherry has sent word to Mike of sockmonkey's twisted mentality and Mike is waiting in his room with a power-drill and an evil glint in his eye...
Who says I can't multi-task? I walked and breathed at the same time at least once today.
Angered by the tragic demise of his unconventionally curvy wife, Sockmonkey yells at his master " you wicked boy! I cursed the Saints! It is my fault they went down in the tables!" Stunned by the utter cruelty of his sockmonkey, Mike is speechless. Monkey uses this brief gap to escape and look for a new bride. He steals another Barbie from Sherry's home hoping to lead her into evil. Little did he know that she bewitched it to sing "a lonely Jew at Christmas" non-stop. Angered by the song, and his inability to get it out of his head, sockmonkey abandons Barbie II. He apparates the heck out of San Diego and goes to The Hogs Head in Hogsmead, orders a bottle of fire whiskey and prepares to wreak havoc......
wa ha ha!
While waiting on his shot of fire whiskey, evil sock money fails to notice the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts slip in the bar, because he keeps hitting his head to remove "A Lonely Jew at Christmas" song from his head. Stealthy making her way over to the bar, KJ casts a spell upon the shot of fire whiskey, and slips outside to wait for the results.
The bartender, unaware of the casted spell, slides the shot glass down the bar, into the hands of evil sock monkey. He picks it up, drinks it down in one amazing gulp, and slams the glass down. "Bartender, give me another!"
Outside, sinister laughing can be heard, ever so faintly. It sounds like Dumbledore and Hagrid have joined KJ!
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
Dumbledore sends Hagrid to bring a once again inebriated Evil Sockmonkey home to Mike. Dumbledore sends off owls to Mike's fabulous friends warning them to be on the lookout for this Evil Monkey. He also says that since Mike is such a powerful and buff wizard, he believes that Mike can eventually turn him to good. The most powerful force is love yada yada yada........
Sockmonkey arrives home with a motorbike, sunglasses, wearing underpants he doesn't own, and no memory of the Hogshead.
Sockmonkey finally arrives home kitted out in the souvenirs of his long and boozeful trip; a stars-and-stripes ensemble and a plaster over his crotch. Desperate for sockmonkey to turn away from a life of senseless crime, Mike persuades him to get a job in advertising. Monkey gets a job with ITV Digital but the company falls through and the evil puppet goes to pieces once again. He swears that he will one day be the manager of the BBC and all American TV stations as well, so that he can show pointless violence and puppet porn to his sinister heart's content.
Who says I can't multi-task? I walked and breathed at the same time at least once today.
One night, while Mike is sleeping, Evil Sock Monkey snaeks in to the floo powder and uses the fire place. Calling out "Grants Place" he arrives moments later in Taiwan. Being as quiet as possible, he looks around, hoping to not disturb anyone.
He spots the animals and has a bloody brilliant idea, and sets off to work, immediately. "This will get their attention, and they will know that I am a force to be reckoned with," he thinks to himself.
As he's finished, he looks back and admires his work.... I've done it, once again!!!
Taking his masters wand out from his back pocket, evil sock monkey casts a spell upon the wall, and a sign appears....
"Evil Sock Monkey Strikes Again... I'll teach you to stick that damn, a lonely jew at christmas, song in my head!"
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
As Grant stumbles through his house in the early morning, trying to wake up, he hears a faint wimpering coming from one of the rooms. He enters, turns on the lights, and see this:
Not knowing HOW this happened, Grant starts looking around, and finally sees the sign that is on his wall. "OH NO!! Evil Sock Monkey was here. I better call the gang... "
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
Once again, Evil Sockmonkey is able to escape just in the nick of time. He apparates to San Diego again to exact revenge against Sherry for ratting him out to Mike.
He creeps into her dark living room and prepares to dress her cat up and take some compromising pictures for his future web site, when cords fly out of Sherry's wand. Sockmonkey is trapped! She quickly feeds him a mouth full of peanut butter and forces him to watch "Steel Magnolias" with her. Then comes 3 hours of her favorite soap opera. Sockmonkey is now rather teary and quite angry at his soft side. He then starts crying "why, why can't I be a man-god like Mike? Why can't I have such wonderful and beautiful foreign friends like he does " Sherry replies, "we can't all be like Mike. Just be glad that he is your master." She sends this buff little monkey home to Mike with a box of tissues and some cookies.
But how long will the nice sockmonkey remain in control?
Evil sock monkey steps into Sherry's fireplace, with tears streaking down his face. Sherry, feeling good at helping out Mikes little monkey, fails to notice the evil glint in his eyes. He throws the floo powder down, hollering out "Malfoy Mansion" and disappears.
:::>^..^<::: ~*~The Journey is more important than the end or the start~*~ :::>^..^<:::
This sweet little sockmonkey becomes jealous and resentful. Why can't he look like Mike? Have fabulous and beautiful friends in foreign countries? Sockmonkey, overcome with these feelings turns to Evil. So, every night while Mike slumbers, Evil sockmonkey awakes and wreaks havoc all over the muggle and wizarding world.
11-01-2003 06:53 PM
Angered by the tragic demise of his unconventionally curvy wife, Sockmonkey yells at his master " you wicked boy! I cursed the Saints! It is my fault they went down in the tables!" Stunned by the utter cruelty of his sockmonkey, Mike is speechless. 
Monkey uses this brief gap to escape and look for a new bride. He steals another Barbie from Sherry's home hoping to lead her into evil. Little did he know that she bewitched it to sing "a lonely Jew at Christmas" non-stop. 
Angered by the song, and his inability to get it out of his head, sockmonkey abandons Barbie II. He apparates the heck out of San Diego and goes to The Hogs Head in Hogsmead, orders a bottle of fire whiskey and prepares to wreak havoc......
I've done it, once again!!!
