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esskay
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Talking to young kids.. post #1  quote:



OPINION:

Well I've wondered what other people think about this topic for a while now. You know that real high, comical voice most people use to talk to their pets? Most pet owners do it. Strangely (to me) I've also seen parents do this to their kids. They treat their kids like kids rather than treating them like adults - like people.

I've always been in favor of treating kids like an adult; it is a first step in their training on how to relate to other people around them as they grow up. It makes them see that they are a person like any other when it comes to communicating with adults, like they are a peer, and that they have no reason to feel ashamed to speak, or like that they have to say is unimportant.

The other side of the fence on this matter seems to be comfortable with talking down to kids, making them feel like kids, letting them distinctly see that they are not treated as adults. These parents make those googley little pet voices and don't allow kids to participate in adult-like decision-making process. While the tactic serves the intent of sheilding children from the uncertainties, dangers, complexities, concerns of life. While this may at first seem like a noble to me it seems like a detriment to the child's development. You almost double your work for yourself and confuse them by teaching them how to behave one way and then forcing them to unlearn and relearn how to behave as a non-child as they emerge from child years.

Today I had thought of the lifestyles of native americans where from birth, children learned their roles (different for boys & girls) as children, training with their parents and other tribesmen. They learn very early to hunt, gather, make hand-crafts, prepare food, make fire, tools, weapons, etc - by the time they are teenagers they are barely distinguishible from adults. Yet at the sime time through those years, kids were able to participate in kid activities such as playing games, singing, running around fancy free and footloose - in my opinion, they were not deprived of a childhood, rather they had a more rich childhood filled with the preparations that they needed to survive as adults in their world. I think the same could apply to today's youth.


Old Post 09-28-2003 04:03 AM
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Lawless
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post #2  quote:

Sean, I have to say, not being a parent, that I have always looked to the way that the Indians raised their young. Treating them like children in one sense, but instilling so much teaching of all that they will need throughout their entire lives.

I don't like parents who treat their children as little toys, and keep them 'wrapped in a bubble' so to speak, and they find out about real life the hard way.


Old Post 09-28-2003 05:27 AM
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mystic
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post #3  quote:

Its so hard to say whats right and whats not right to do with your children.....I chose certain things to do with mine, which I hope will lead him in the right directions in life.....but he's only five...so Ill see how it fares eventually....

I NEVER did gaga talk with my son.....I would sit in the car with him at a stop light and just talk to him. I pointed things out to him like a stop light, told him what the green and red lights were....I would sit on the front porch with him, take walks and talk about birds and colors, cars and trucks; anything and everything. I always talked to him like an adult.

He finally started talking when he was three.....yes, three! I spent the first three years of his life talking to him, but feeling like I was having a one way conversation! I have to say that when he FINALLY started to talk....he never mispronounced one word.....in fact he still refused to say a word if he couldnt say it correctly...(except for leg...which for some reason he said egg....it was really funny!!)

He is five now....and he speaks like he's a teenager (Im not sure if thats a good thing ) His kindergarten teachers always tell me how articulate he is in his speech....he knows words that no other five year old can say...he reads, he asks questions I dont know how to answer! He's logical.....he doesnt accept an answer, he always has to expand on it, while it drives me crazy!

Am I proud? ABSOLUTELY! Did I do right by talking to him like an adult? I dont know. Sometimes I wonder if I didnt take too much "kid" stuff away from him by talking to him like an adult. I would have liked for him to have said more things wrong...cause its cute, but then I see other kids his age that still talk like there 2 years old, and I hate that also....

Its such a hard thing to know...did you do the right thing and are you doing the right thing?

I love it that he enjoys life...he loves to play as a five year old should (or as he corrects me...5 1/2 years old) He loves the playground, loves to toss around the football, plays baseball, rollerblades, and now he wants to learn to skate....and good, Im all for it!

I agree Sean...treat them like adults to a point, but do NOT overdo it.....Teach them whats right and wrong, without overdoing that either....I did that....I talked to him and made sure he knew the bad things he needed to watch out for such as strangers...but thinking that he acted more than his age, I thought he could handle more...the one thing I did was make him afraid of certain things he didnt need to worry about at his age...I had to go back and re-adjust the things I told him so that I could take that "fear" away without taking the cautiousness away....it was a hard task, but it had to be done...they have to enjoy their life as kids; they have to have that! He is now more carefree, and I feel so much better about that. He wasnt ready for some stuff yet....its hard to tell sometimes when the time is right to let them know things.....

The only thing we can hope for is did we do and are doing our best to raise them to make the right choices....

Its scary sometimes....but the most fulfilling and satisfying job Ill ever have in my life!

Thanks for opening this thread up...it will be nice to get advice and feedback from people about the kids!

And thanks for the advice on the Earth and space thing....I told it to him, and he said he gets it, and understands...but he said people still need to understand we are in space also...and that anything else is a misconception (yes...that was the word he used)....see what I mean...logic....he doesnt accept it if it doesnt make sense to him. He wants the answer, the "right" answer and nothing but the answer!! ....

Try dealing with that on a daily basis!!

What can I say though.....I love him dearly! To me, he's the coolest kid in the world!


Last edited by mystic on 09-28-2003 at 08:20 AM |
Old Post 09-28-2003 08:11 AM
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Kookaburra
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post #4  quote:

I'm not a parent so I'm not able to speak from a parent's perspective. Will an observer do?

It irritates me to hear parents talk to their kids like they would an infant. I think it embarasses children too.

As for treating children like adults, I'm unsure about the proper way to raise a child, but I think if I had one, I would teach adult subjects on a child's level. For instance, I would teach my child financial management. They would be taught to set up a budget (a kid's budget of course), and they would learn responsibility and balancing their budgets. I would teach the child how things are purchased, and I would teach them to weigh out what is a priority.

They would have chores to do (work) and earn wages (allowance) and I would help them decide what to buy, but not force them to make the right choice. I would let them blow their money on a junk toy instead of forcing them to save up for a better quality one. Then when they see the results of the poor choice they make, they will have learned a lesson of waiting for the better opportunity.

Talking to children in that high pitched baby talk makes the adult look pretty silly too. I've seen children that are timid because of this type of talk.

Kids can be taught adult lessons on a child's scale, and still be allowed to be a child. I talk to kids like they are people, and their opinions count, and should count.


Old Post 09-28-2003 06:04 PM
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fuscia is Away
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post #5  quote:

As a mother of a two year old daughter and a four year old son, I love this thread. My son did not talk very much until he was 3. Now he asks about everything. My two year old can already have a conversation with you.

We never used baby talk to the kids. I am the youngest of 3 and was never talked to like a baby. Everyone was at least a decade older than me. Kids understand the language they are taught.

I think one of the most important things we do for our kids is to teach them there are consequences to your actions. They need consistency and lots of love. SO, my four year old knows when I say if he doesn't pick up his toys, we can't go to the park, then we won't go.

We talk about feelings a lot. How being mean makes other people feel sad ect. I also finish every day by telling them how much I love them, how smart they are, and that they are my greatest blessing. Corny, but I am a fertility mom, I worked hard to have these little miracles.


Old Post 09-29-2003 04:41 AM
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mystic
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post #6  quote:

quote:
Originally posted by fuscia
As a mother of a two year old daughter and a four year old son, I love this thread. My son did not talk very much until he was 3. Now he asks about everything. My two year old can already have a conversation with you.

We never used baby talk to the kids. I am the youngest of 3 and was never talked to like a baby. Everyone was at least a decade older than me. Kids understand the language they are taught.

I think one of the most important things we do for our kids is to teach them there are consequences to your actions. They need consistency and lots of love. SO, my four year old knows when I say if he doesn't pick up his toys, we can't go to the park, then we won't go.

We talk about feelings a lot. How being mean makes other people feel sad ect. I also finish every day by telling them how much I love them, how smart they are, and that they are my greatest blessing. Corny, but I am a fertility mom, I worked hard to have these little miracles.



Watch out for the little one who didnt talk until he was three.....my son did the same thing and he talks like he is a teenager.....and he's only 5 1/2. Its fun....but I have to admit I wasnt ready for it.....I just figured he'd still be talking like a five year old and not a fifteen year old. Its fun though....keeps me on my toes!

And as far as the fertility procedures....good for you!! I LOVE hearing about stories like this that have happy endings! My friend had the same problem, and after years of trying she finally had one.....its a wonderful thing for all those couples that never thought it possible! Congrats and hats off to you for getting through it! Ive saw the pain my friend went through....it was hard for me to see it...I cant even imagine going through it! You give hope to many people who think it will never happen for them! Congrats!


Old Post 09-29-2003 05:21 AM
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fuscia is Away
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post #7  quote:

Thanks Mystic. I have a condition where my body treated the baby as a tumor, threw blood clots at him. So, I had to take Heparin shots in my stomach 2xs a day up till the 26th week. So, I am the human pin coushin.

Old Post 09-29-2003 06:13 PM
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grets
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post #8  quote:

great thread!!!! my kids are gone now, but through the tough years ( 0-30) one thing we did stands out. before the real tough years ( 12-20) we took a class called STEP and STEP-Teen. just a great class and i recommend it to anyone with children. you will learn to talk to your children, no matter what age, in a very constructive and esteem building way. you will also learn how to head off those bad times and how to handle them when they come. i have talked with other parents who went through the classes the same time we did, and they all agree it was a life-saver! so if you have one in oyour community, take it. it makes you a better parent and gives your children the opportunity to learn to be a "good" person. i might also add that giving them a good moral compass does not hurt.

Old Post 10-01-2003 04:30 PM
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mystic
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post #9  quote:

quote:
Originally posted by grets
great thread!!!! my kids are gone now, but through the tough years ( 0-30) one thing we did stands out. before the real tough years ( 12-20) we took a class called STEP and STEP-Teen. just a great class and i recommend it to anyone with children. you will learn to talk to your children, no matter what age, in a very constructive and esteem building way. you will also learn how to head off those bad times and how to handle them when they come. i have talked with other parents who went through the classes the same time we did, and they all agree it was a life-saver! so if you have one in oyour community, take it. it makes you a better parent and gives your children the opportunity to learn to be a "good" person. i might also add that giving them a good moral compass does not hurt.


That sounds interesting...where do you find something like that? I mean, my son is far from a teenager...but he acts like one!

So...for future reference, where do you go to find something like that? Ive never heard of it before...where would a person go to find a class like this?


Old Post 10-01-2003 08:34 PM
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grets
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post #10  quote:

quote:
Originally posted by mystic


That sounds interesting...where do you find something like that? I mean, my son is far from a teenager...but he acts like one!

So...for future reference, where do you go to find something like that? Ive never heard of it before...where would a person go to find a class like this?
ok, just tried to find it, try http://www.agsnet.com/parenting


Old Post 10-01-2003 11:45 PM
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post #11  quote:

I think a child should dictate just how much adult-like responsibility they take on. Not enough can deprive them of independence. Too much can deprive them of a childhood. Every child is different: there is not set right or wrong.

With regard to parents talking in the Elmer Fudd voice, don't. It is clinically proved that talking to your kid like that stunts vocal growth and can lead to development of speech impediment. Talking to your kids like mystic was describing, however, leads to strong speech, intelligence, good language skills, and self-confidence.


Old Post 10-13-2003 07:14 AM
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