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gaboman
What Would Jack Do?

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Family Guy Episode Guide post #1  quote:



Season One:
  • Death Has a Shadow Original Air Date: 01/31/99
    Peter gets pissed at his mate's bachelor party. Goes to work hung over the next day and gets fired.
    notable jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: I feel kinda bad, I told my wife I wouldn't drink
    Quagmire: Oh don't feel bad Peter
    Peter: Oh I never thought of it like that.
    quote:
    Lois: what did you promise me Peter?
    Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party
    Lois: And what did you do?
    Peter: Drank at the sta... ooh... almost walked into that one.


  • I Never Met the Dead Man Original Air Date: 04/11/99
    Peter crashes into a satellite dish and knocks out the city's cable while he teaches Meg to drive. He convinces Meg to take the blame, promising to buy her a convertable when she gets her license.
    notable jokes:
    quote:
    on TV
    Tom Tucker: Well Diane, that last report was so good I think you deserve a spanking.
    Diane: Oh Tom, I don't think your wife would appreciate that.
    Tom: Haha, that frigid old cow lives in Quahog she can't hear a word I'm saying.
    Camera Guy: Actually, we're back on the air in Quahog.


  • Mind over Murder Original Air Date: 04/25/99
    Peter whacks a pregant woman and gets put under house arrest. He builds a bar in the basement, and invites his friends over.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice mellons.
    Peter: Now listen pal!
    Lois: Peter, I'm holding mellons.
    Peter: Oh
    Man: And her hooters aint bad either.
    Peter: Now hold on a second.
    Lois: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
    Peter: Oh, sorry.
    Man: No problem .
    (pause)
    Man: Your wife's hot.
    Peter: Alright that's it!


  • Chitty Chitty Death Bang Original Air Date: 04/18/99
    Peter loses Stewie's First Birthday Party reservations for Cheese E. Charley's so holds the party himself; meanwhile Meg joins a suicide cult.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Hey, Lois, look! The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.
    quote:
    Stewie: The ruptured capillaries in your nose bely the clarity of your wisdom.


  • A Hero Sits Next Door Original Air Date: 05/02/99
    Peter gets annoyed by a new neighbour, Joe, and soon becomes jealous of the attention that Joe receives. Lois and Joe's wife, Bonnie, quickly become friends.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Brian: Gosh, I'd like to help you, Peter, but I've got to go out in the hall and chew on the back of my ass for about five minutes.


  • The Son Also Draws Original Air Date: 05/09/99
    Chris is booted from the Youth Scouts, and Peter tried his damnedest to get him back in: despite the fact that Chris has no interest in it.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
    Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
    quote:
    Head Scout: You've got three days to earn a badge.
    Peter: Three days! That's tomorrow! We gotta get going.


  • Brian: Portrait of a Dog Original Air Date: 05/16/99
    Peter convinces Brian to enter a dog show for the prize money, Brian feels degraded and leaves, causing Peter to get crappy and Brian and blah blah blah, the state decides to put Brian down.... despite the fact that he's a cool talking dog.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Dear MacGuyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog.


  • Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater Original Air Date: 09/23/99
    Lois' wealthy aunt dies unexpectedly, leaving the Griffins her extravagant mansion. They move in and the power of the mansion quickly takes it's toll on Peter's ego.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Your aunt Marguerite is probably laughing at me while she's burning in hell, may she rest in peace.


  • Running Mates Original Air Date: 04/11/00
    Peter becomes Lois' opposition for the race for School Board leader thingy when his favorite high school teacher is fired for being off his rocker. Dirty tricks ensue. Fun times.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Tom Tucker: Stay tuned for our special investigative report on the clitoris, "Nature's Rubik's Cube".
    quote:
    Lois: A woman is not an object.
    Peter: Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.
    Lois: Peter!


  • There's Something About Paulie Original Air Date: 06/27/00
    Peter makes friends with someone in the Mob after "the Godfather" does him a favor.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle.
    Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!
    Brian: What the hell are you talking about?
    quote:
    Peter: What are you gonna make me do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy? 'Cause I'm married.


  • Holy Crap Original Air Date: 09/30/99
    Peter's workaholic father is forced to retire from the mill. Peter gets him a job at the Toy Factory where he works everyone to the bone, causing Peter to kidnap the Pope to convince his father he's a good person.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Hey, what are you doing here? [in hell]
    Superman: I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I ripped her in half like a phonebook.
    quote:
    Grandpa Griffin: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to purgatory with all the unbaptized babies.
    Peter: There you go, Lois, you love kids.


  • If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin' Original Air Date: 04/04/00
    When Peter's favorite show, Gumbel 2 Gumbel, is cancelled, he tells the make a wish foundation his son is dying to get the show put back on...
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: I'll handle it, Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
    Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
    Peter: Oh yeah.
    quote:
    Peter: I'm just a big fake, like the moon landing and Marky Mark's hog in Boogie Nights and Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. I don't mean that completely unproved gay rumor, they're just both really phony.


  • [i]Love Thy TrophyOriginal Air Date: 03/14/00
    When their Who's the Boss float takes top prize in the Quahog Harvest Day Parade, the neighbours of Spooner Street fight over the winning trophey, which one night goes missing mysteriously.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: And Joe, I've had new neighbors before, but none of them were half the man you are. Since you're half a man already, that splits them into some kind of fraction I can't even measure.
    quote:
    Peter: I'd like to propose a toast to our neighbors. Sure they might be black, handicapped, and a heartless sex hound, but hey, if they moved out some smelly Hawaiians might move in.

    quote:
    Chris: So .. ah .. what are you wearing? Ha ha ha ha ha WOW! I bet you could see right through that.
    Lois: Chris, who are you talking to?
    Chris: Grandma.


  • Death Is a ***** Original Air Date: 03/21/00
    Peter finds a lump in his breast and goes to the doctor. Although he gets a clean bill of health, he writes on his form that he's deceased... so death comes to take him. Fortunately for him, he break's Death's foot. With the rules of death no longer in place, he lives on the edge.
    Notable Jokes
    quote:
    Death: Hey Lois, what did you make this cocoa out of, crap?
    Lois: If you want me to make it again, just --
    Death: Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought you were going to make it with milk, not crap.


  • The King Is Dead Original Air Date: 03/28/00
    Lois is named the new artistic director of the Quahog Players theatre group and decides to direct The King and I as her first production. Peter decides he wants in on the production and turns it into something... well, stupid of course.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Meg: I don't get it, mom, if you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?
    Lois: I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?
    Chris: A *****.


Old Post 06-30-2004 09:06 AM
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What Would Jack Do?

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post #2  quote:

Season Two:


  • Brian in Love Original Air Date: 03/07/00
    The Griffins suspect Stewie is having problems controlling his bladder, so start him off on potty training - only to discover Brian is the one leaving the wet patches all over the place. Why? Cause his in love... duh...
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Stewie: What the hell is this?
    Lois: Sweetie, that's tuna salad.
    Stewie: Oh, is that what it is? Really? Because I could have sworn it was mayonnaise and cat food.


  • I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar Original Air Date: 03/28/00
    After Peter gives up a frickin' free boat for free tickets to a crummy comedy club, he decides to try his hand at stand up comedy - pissing everyone off. After telling a sexist joke to a co-worker he's made to go to a woman's retreat to become more "feminine".
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
    Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious thanksgiving dinner.
    quote:
    Peter: Women are not people, they are devices built by our Lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment.


  • A Very Special Family Guy Freakin' Christmas Original Air Date: 12/21/01
    Though enthusiastic about Christmas, Lois quickly loses her cool and goes absolutely bezerk.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: What the hell did you do?
    Brian: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
    Peter: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at risk.

    quote:
    Peter: As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.
    Bob: Outrageous, How dare he say such blasphemy. I've got to do something.
    Man #1: Bob, there's nothing you can do.
    Bob: Well, I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humor.


  • Let's Go to the Hop Original Air Date: 06/06/00
    After a plane smuggling psychadelic toads from Colombia crashes in Quahog, toad-licking becomes the new drug of choice. Peter disguises himself as the cool kid in school to weed out the problem.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: I had such a crush on her. Until I met you Lois. You're my silver medal.


  • When You Wish Upon a Weinstein
    After losing the family's rainy day money to a Volcano Insurance fraud, Peter learns from his friends that he needs a jew to help him with his financial problems.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: There's half of Lenny Kravitz
    quote:
    Stewie: How should I put this... in an attic somewhere there's a picture of you getting prettier.


  • [i]DaBoom Original Air Date: 12/26/99
    Peter, warned about the end of the world by a giant chicken, forces his family to take cover in the basement for New Years Eve. Turns out the chicken was right... didn't see that coming, did you?
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: I don't take coupons from giant chickens, not after last time.
    quote:
    Peter: Y2K? What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly?


  • A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Bucks Original Air Date: 04/18/00
    Chris gives his father a painting for his birthday, which Peter uses to patch a hole in his car... a gallery owner spots it and admires it, paying the Griffins to travel to New York to encourage Chris' talent.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: My son here is gonna be the best thing to happen in New York since Mayor Giuliani had all the homeless people secretly killed.
    quote:
    Lois: Are you Kate Moss? For someone with no breasts, you've done very well for yourself. Good for you.


  • Fifteen Minutes of Shame Original Air Date: 04/25/00
    Meg is sick of being embarrassed by her family, so she ambushes them on a talk show. A network executive is intrigued by family and puts them on TV, ala big brother. Meg gets crabby and is replaced by a younger, hotter version.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: [while peeing] If you want an autograph right now, you either got to give me a pen or some snow.


  • Dammit Janet Original Air Date: 06/13/00
    Lois puts Stewie in daycare after it becomes obvious that he is having a hard time socializing with other kids his age.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Lois: A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting. What made you change your mind?
    Peter: Just my desire to see you happy.
    Lois: Aww .... (hugs peter)
    Peter: And to exploit your hard labour for free travel and fun.
    Lois: What?
    Peter: Shhh ... I didn't say anything. Go to sleep crazy lady.


  • He's Too Sexy for His Fat Original Air Date: 06/27/00
    Peter tries to help Chris lose weight, but when working out for a week doesn't make a difference, he decides to get liposuction. Chris decides not to go through with it, but Peter does (along with some facial improvements), and discovers how wonderful it is to be beautiful.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Cleveland: If you're this desperate about Chris's weight, why don't you just suck the fat out?
    Peter: Look, if you can find a hole on the boy that you want to put your lips on, be my guest.


  • Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington Original Air Date: 07/25/01
    When Peter's toy company gets bought by a large cigarette company, Peter gets made President of the company, complete with perks and a pencil sharpener.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Chris: Dad, what's the blow-hole for?
    Peter: I'll tell you what it's not for, son. And when I do, you'll understand why I can never go back to Sea World.
    quote:
    Peter: You may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat, you may have killed her when you hit her with the stool ... I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But I'll tell you what didn't kill her ... smoking!


  • Road to Rhode Island Original Air Date: 05/30/00
    Brian goes to pick up Stewie from visiting his grandparents in Palm Springs. After losing their plane tickets, Brian is led back to the place where his mother abondoned him...
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Brian: I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment ... and a stomach virus ... and an inner ear infection.


  • E. Peterbus Unum Original Air Date: 07/12/00
    After discovering that his block of land is not actually part of the United States, Peter forms his own Country within the united states: Petoria (because "Peterland" was already taken by a gay bar)
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Well, I'm gettin' something really special too. And by special I don't mean special like that Kleinaman boy down the street. More special like... like Special K, the cereal. Hey, what do they do with the regular K? And for that matter, what ever happend to K. Ballard? You know, if you said mallard and you had a cold, it would sound like ballard.
    Brian: Do you listen to yourself when you talk?
    Peter: I drift in and out.
    quote:
    Chris: Dad, I tried to go to school but this guy won't let me.
    Peter: Oh yeah? Him and what army?
    Chris: The U.S. Army.
    Peter: Oh, that's a good army.


  • The Story on Page 1 Original Air Date: 07/18/00
    When Meg needs to become a reporter for the school newspaper, she writes a big expose on the Mayor - however Peter decides to change her story to something more saucy: Luke Perry is Gay.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: You know that whole Vietnam thing? Never happened.
    Brian: Oh yeah, but don't mention it around the Veterans Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie.
    quote:
    Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West?
    Adam West: How do you know my language?


  • Wasted Talent Original Air Date: 07/25/00
    Peter finds a golden ticket, receiving a tour of a local brewery. Meanwhile, Lois is trying to find a piano student to enter into a competition. Soon she discovers that an intoxicated Peter may be the answer....
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Lois: You're drunk again.
    Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking.
    quote:
    Peter: Beer that never goes flat. Do you know what that means, Brian? This beer will still be carbonated long after you die of old age and we buy another dog to help the kids ... y'know, forget about you.


  • Fore Father Original Air Date: 08/01/00
    Peter tries to train Cleavland's son to become the next Tiger Woods; meanwhile neglecting his own son.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Chris: I don't think I like feet as much as you do.
    Quagmire: Everybody likes feet.


  • The Thin White Line Original Air Date: 07/11/01
    Brian becomes addicted to coke after performing duties as a Police dog. While at rehab, Peter decides to join him, ensuring Brian's sanity wavers.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Brian, it's moments like this that make me sad you're gonna die fifty years before I do.
    quote:
    Peter: ... uh uh uh... my name is... Pea...................... Tear.......... Griffin.... yeah, Peter Griffin... ah crap


  • Lethal Weapons Original Air Date: 08/22/01
    After Lois learns Tae-Jitsu, Peter tricks her into beating up the invading New York "leafers", who come yearly to look at the leaves falling from the trees.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Lois, brothers and sisters fighting is as natural as a white man's dialogue in a Spike Lee movie.


  • One If By Clam, Two If By Sea Original Air Date: 08/01/01
    When Peter and Co's favorite drinking spot, The Drunken Clam, becomes a gay bar (ie. British Pub) they wage war on the Brits, eventually being framed for Arson...
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Here's to our wives! They may not be as hot as the women you see on TV, or as entertaining, but, um ... y'know, I don't know where I'm going with this, but thanks anyway.
    quote:
    Trisha Takanawa: For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II gives poignant new meaning to the phrase, "Hey, check out that flaming queen."


  • Brian Does Hollywood Original Air Date: 07/18/01
    Continuing on from Thin White Line - Brian leaves the family and tries to make it in Hollywood as a screenwriter - finally receiving his big break: directing a porn movie.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Stewie: I was under the impression the name of the show was "Kids Say the Darndest Things," not "Old Black Comedians Never Shut the Hell Up."


  • Death Lives Original Air Date: 08/15/01
    On their anniversary, Peter sets up a scavinger hunt for Lois so he could sneak out and play Golf. However, after being struck by lightning, Death appears to tell him the error of his ways.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Lois may be worth a million bucks to you, but to me she's worthless.


  • And the Wiener is... Original Air Date: 08/08/01
    When Chris gets to an age that he comes close to beating Peter in things, Peter tries to show his dominance over his son. Until he realises Chris has a huge penis.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Gun advocate: Guns don't kill people, dangerous minorities do.
    quote:
    Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
    Stewie: Hm, the end result of a drunken back-seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?


Old Post 06-30-2004 09:07 AM
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What Would Jack Do?

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post #3  quote:

Season Three:
  • Emission Impossible Original Air Date: 11/08/01
    After Peter and Lois decide to have another baby, Stewie tries his damnedest to stop that from happening.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Stewie: all this work stopping people from having sex... now I know how the Catholic Church feels


  • The Kiss Seen Around the World Original Air Date: 08/29/01
    After Meg applies for an internship at the local television station, she gets put in a life or death situation where she kisses the nerdy Neil - who films it and displays their "love" through the district.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Lois: What's going on down here?
    Stewie: Oh, we're playing house.
    Lois: That boy's all tied up.
    Stewie: Roman Polanski's house
    quote:
    Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside.


  • Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows Original Air Date: 01/17/02
    When Brian is arrested for drunk driving, he's forced to do community service, which consists of helping Peggy, an cranky old woman... meanwhile, Peter grows a beard and gets a family of swallows living in it.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Lois: Brian, you're home early. What happened with your date?
    Brian: The same thing that always happens, she was an idiot.


  • Mr. Saturday Knight Original Air Date: 09/05/01
    When Peter's boss, Mr. Weed, dies suddenly at the Griifins' house, the Toy Factory closes and leaves Peter without a joke. He decides to follow his dream. Yes, he becomes a jouster!
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Vacuum repairman: There you go, all fixed. Turns out a half-eaten meatball was clogging up the intake.
    Peter: Oh. Well, did you save it?
    Vacuum repairman: Uh, no.
    Peter: You bastard.
    quote:
    BK: What is your fat ass doing here?
    Man: he's my only means of transportation... but I guess I do spoil him...


  • A Fish Out of Water Original Air Date: 09/19/01
    Due to the fact that he's still jobless, Peter decides to become a fisherman, when he borrows 50 grand and buys a boat. To pay the money back, however, he seeks out Daggermouth: the fish who killed the last person who owned his boat... (oooh)
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Brian: Peter, did you read the fine print on this loan contract?
    Peter: Um, if by "read" you mean imagined a naked lady, then, yes.
    quote:
    Lois: Are you gonna miss me?
    Peter: Only until I go to the newsstand and buy a Hustler.


  • Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother? Original Air Date: 12/06/01
    When Chris begins to embrace African-American culture, Peter takes him to an Irish heritage museum to teach him about his own background... however he discovers he has a black ancestor.
    Notable Jokes
    quote:
    Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
    Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?
    quote:
    Peter: I got no idea how to be black ... y'know, except for not smiling when I get my picture taken.


  • Ready, Willing, and Disabled Original Air Date: 12/20/01
    When Joe loses a thief in a chase, he also loses his self confidence and pride as a police officer. Peter becomes determined to help him win it back, so enters Joe into the disabled Olympics.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it.
    quote:
    Peter: You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. Eh? You could be a desk.


  • Screwed The Pooch Original Air Date: 11/29/01
    When Brian joins Lois and Peter on their visit to the Pewterschmidits, his pent-up sexual energy is unleashed on the Pewterschmidts prize winning dog... who gets pregnant.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: If I was half the parent Brian is, I'd know that Chris's favorite ice cream is ...
    Brian: Chocolate chip.
    Peter: And Stewie's favorite bed-time story is ...
    Brian: Goodnight Moon.
    Peter: And Meg's real father's name is ...
    Brian: Stan Thompson.
    quote:
    Peter: Hey, anybody got a quarter?
    Bill Gates: What's a quarter?


  • To Live and Die in Dixie Original Air Date: 11/15/01
    After the man who Chris identified as holding up a convenience store escapes from Jail, he's put in the witness protection program... in the South...
    Notable Jokes
    quote:
    Peter: The deep south? Isn't that the place where the black guys are really lazy and all the white guys are just as lazy but they're mad at the black guys for being so lazy?
    quote:
    Robber: I'm gonna go bang my girlfriend and then I'm gonna kill Chris Griffin!
    Stewie: Good lord! Can he really say "bang my girlfriend" on TV?


  • Stuck Together, Torn Apart Original Air Date: 01/31/02
    When Peter's jealousy gets out of control, a therapist suggests he and Lois spend some time apart. During which time, Peter gets a date with Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Lois goes out with Quigmire.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Counselor: I'd like to put video cameras in every room of your house so that I can observe your uncensored behavior.
    Peter: Wow, just like that show Big Brother ... except somebody'll be watching.


  • From Method to Madness Original Air Date: 01/24/02
    When Peter saves a man from drowning, the man invites him and his family over for dinner - failing to mention that they were nudists. Meanwhile, Stewie joins an acting school.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Lois: Good, I don't have to cook.
    Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway, Lois, and we'll throw it out. I don't want you to get rusty.


  • Family Guy Viewer Mail #1 Original Air Date: 02/14/02
    A three-part episode, where viewers suggested ways to improve the show, by giving Peter a genie and removing his bones, and allowing all the griffins to have super powers.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Peter: Have they ever shown him doing somebody in and then feeding on him?
    Brian: You're asking if they've ever done a Sesame Street in which the Count kills somebody and then sucks their blood for sustenance.
    Peter: Yeah.
    Brian: No, they've never done that.
    quote:
    Peter: Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.


  • Road to Europe Original Air Date: 02/07/02
    When Lois and Peter go off to see Kiss in concert, Brian is left in charge and chases after Stewie, who runs off to join Jolly Farm (a TV program) in England.
    Notable Jokes:
    quote:
    Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
    P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm? I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll? Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm? Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
    P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.


Old Post 06-30-2004 09:07 AM
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post #4  quote:

Which one is the one were he battles the guy dressed up in a chicken outfit That episode was hilarious

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post #5  quote:

"Chicken.... gave me a bad coupon...."



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post #6  quote:

LOL sorry Chod man, that was Das Boom (took me long enough )

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post #7  quote:

It's ok. I just remember staying up one night flipping channels and Family Guy was on. There was this hilarious scene where he attacks a guy dressed up in a chicken outfit. I laughed my ass off.

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post #8  quote:

Yeah, it was a good one. He walks past this guy in a chicken suit, and the chicken tries to give him a coupon, but he doesn't take it because he doesn't trust chickens anymore. Then they flash back to the chicken giving him the bad coupon and him kicking his ass... goes on for like 5 minutes

There are funnier episodes though. That one's an early episode, they hadn't gotten into their vibe yet... you should watch the adult swim episodes of an evening, and get into the show before the new season starts... muahahaha


Old Post 01-11-2005 01:45 AM
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post #9  quote:

I'm gonna order all the seasons on Netflix and then burn em'

(onto a cd ofcourse )


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post #10  quote:

Good good. I bought mine, but hey, whatever floats your boat

Season 4 will come soon-ish. March or May or something, I seem to remember. There'll be another DVD around then too

The show American Dad (same creater, writer and voice actor) will premier after the simpsons episode after the superbowl.


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post #11  quote:

Never heard of it. But I shall check it out.

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post #12  quote:

It was alright. Not awesomenly funny or anything.


The newest Episode of Family Guy will air this Sunday, I believe. On Fox, along with a new episode of American Dad.

The Family Guy episode will revolve around Lois and Peter going away for a second honeymoon after the spark is lost in their marriage. In their stead, Brian is put in charge of the family, and with the help of Stewie they manage to get everything in order, until Chris is found drinking vodka at the school dance. Chris tells them that Tom Tucker's son gave him the vodka, and Brian and Stewie devise a plan to get back at him. Meanwhile, on their second honeymoon, Lois and Peter sneak into Mel Gibson's private suite at a swank new hotel, where they find a reel for Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This, which Peter vows to destroy.


Seriously, unless you've seen the original series, I wouldn't see a point in any new fans getting into this show. It basically makes too many jokes that refer back to previous episodes that people not familiar with characters and events may not get. It's still funny though.


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post #13  quote:

The American Dad stunk up the ratings after debuting post-Super Bowl. It was put on hiatus until this week so it has a Family Guy lead-in.

-HECK!


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post #14  quote:

Nah, the plan was always for the season to debut the same time as Family Guy. They just kept switching which came first. The premier did kind of suck though.

I just hate the dumb alien and the german fish. I love the father's scenes though. Like him stealing some girl's purse so his son could catch him and retrive it for the girl, making him a hero. The father grabs the purse, runs up an escallator, slides down a flag pole, runs up some stairs and crashes through a window and runs down the street... "uh, sorry, I got a little carried away". Crack up.

And the whole paranoia aspect is good: "be careful! We're at Terror alert orange, which means something might go down at some place at some time... so look sharp!"

But like I said, the german fish and the alien just for the kids, I think.


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post #15  quote:

I saw the new Family Guy episode last night. I have to admit it was funny. I wasn't expecting much though.

I like how Peter was talking about all the cancelled FOX shows. I was cracking up.

Hopefully they can keep it fresh. But didn't it seem like they ripped The Simpsons & South Park a little bit? Especially with the Mel Gibson stuff.

-HECK!


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post #16  quote:

Yeah, a tad. I just take them on their own merits. Family Guy is hilarious in its own kind of way, even if the stories aren't always original.

I think they'll keep it fresh enough. The old seasons didn't have any staleness to them, even when they cancelled the show. I'm expecting a pretty awesome season...

Did you catch American Dad too? I want to check it out soon, but I just hope it's worth it.

In the new episode of Family Guy, I loved the part where Brian, the dog, accidently says "upside down face" in the middle of his sentence, and the baby, Stewie, kind of cocks his head, staring at him. Was hilarious.


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post #17  quote:

Yeah, Stewie's look was comedy. He's my favorite part of the show.

And when they're in bed together he's knitting something that say's 'Die Lois' on it. Excellent.

I missed American Dad. Didn't even tape it. Maybe I'll check it next week.

-HECK!


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post #18  quote:

Eh, I'll see how it is anyway. I like the concept, but I don't like the show as a whole... so I'll have to see.

Stewie is most people's favorite part of Family Guy. He's good, true, but the others are good also. Him and Brian together are always gold. Especially in their "Road To..." episodes. Their musical interludes crack me up.


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post #19  quote:

There was one where Stewie and Brian went to find Brian's mother, that was damn funny.

Another funny moment had Brian and Stewie playing in the snow and when Stewie gets hit by a snowball he goes, "Oh, you've made my brown eye black and blue." Then he runs behind a tree and comes back with this big gun and he shouts, "Now is the winter of your discontent!" and he unloads a bunch of snowballs on Brian. Excellent.

-HECK!


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post #20  quote:

Yeah, the first one you mentioned is Road To Rhode Island. Funny episode. One scene was cut out of most Television showings and the DVD, where Stewie sneaks weapons through the airport by singing "On The Good Ship Lollypop", then Osama Bin Laden comes in after him singing show tunes

The "Brown Eye Blue" one is "And The Weiner Is..." in which Peter (the father) finds out his son's genitalia is enormous

Boh funny episodes

Also have to see "Wasted Talent" - A Willy Wonka send up, in which Peter learns to play the piano with expert skill, but only when he's completely sh** faced.

I forget which episode it was, but there's also a funny line where Peter goes to a job interview, and the interviewer says "where do you see yourself in 5 years"
and Peter's thinking don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife....
"Doing your..... er.... son"


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post #21  quote:

New episode on sunday night was interesting

Chris's teacher dies during a parent-teacher night, so Brian takes over teaching the class... then gets moved into one of those under-achieving classes (ala to sir, with love and dangerous minds). He eventually gets so ticked off that he tells them that if they don't concentrate the best they can be is cleaners and prostitutes (or whatever...) and the kids get really excited that they could achieve so much. Meanwhile, Chris gets a hot teacher. However when she works out that Chris has a crush on her, she tries to convince him to kill her husband.

Interesting episode. One funny joke saw Peter turning himself into tampon and hiding in a woman's purse and when Peter was trying to be 'sensitive' in explaining the situation to Chris's teacher: "our son wants to plow you."


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post #22  quote:

Last Sunday's episode was the best so far this season. Mort bowls a perfect game at bowling one night, follows by Quagmire getting caught peeping in the woman's bathroom. As his punishment, he goes through an intense therapy session, which leads him (somehow) to saving a woman in the changing rooms' life and earning him a key to the city. Peter, realizing he's not going to be remembered after he dies, sets out to break a world record. He vows to be the man who eats the most pennies. After going blind from doing so... well, hilarity ensues.

One good point of this episode was the return of the chicken, and another apocolyptic battle between he and Peter. Though I'm really not overly thrilled about them re-using a lot of jokes in the past 3 episodes, they're easing out of it slowly.


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post #23  quote:

Oh, forgot to mention the sweet parody of the end of Star Wars (episode IV) at the end of the episode. They got it perfect, from the goofy smiles to Chewbacca's laughs to R2's blipping.

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post #24  quote:

Last Sunday's episode was pretty funny. Since the new shopping mall opened across from the Drunken Clam, business has been slow... to combat this, the guys (Peter, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland) get together in an 80's-style montage to get the place fixed up to attract more business. Since they simply made it worse, they decided to pull out the karaoke machine. While on stage, everyone things they're Journey and comes running and screaming, so they decide to start a band. Quagmire on drums, Joe on keys, Peter and Cleveland on guitars... they go to their first gig in a state prison, only forgetting the small necessity of knowing how to play some songs.

Also, Meg gets a make-over, becomes hot. That intertwines with the other story line somewhere....


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post #25  quote:

quote:
The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire
Peter and Brian walk in on Loretta having sex with some skinny white fellow. When they tell Cleveland about it, he confronts her, at which point she kicks him out of the house. Cleveland finds out that skinny white fellow was actually Quagmore, and still doesn't feel mad about anything... so Peter tries his best to agrovate Cleveland so he gets tough.
One funny scene:



Attachment:
slap.jpg (24.0039 kb, 1508 views)

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post #26  quote:

quote:
gaboman said this in post #24 :
Last Sunday's episode was pretty funny. Since the new shopping mall opened across from the Drunken Clam, business has been slow... to combat this, the guys (Peter, Quagmire, Joe and Cleveland) get together in an 80's-style montage to get the place fixed up to attract more business. Since they simply made it worse, they decided to pull out the karaoke machine. While on stage, everyone things they're Journey and comes running and screaming, so they decide to start a band. Quagmire on drums, Joe on keys, Peter and Cleveland on guitars... they go to their first gig in a state prison, only forgetting the small necessity of knowing how to play some songs.

Also, Meg gets a make-over, becomes hot. That intertwines with the other story line somewhere....



This epsiode was damn funny. Peter beat up Jimmy Fallon, I was cracking up. Stewie is classic.

-HECK!


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post #27  quote:

hehehe yeah, Jimmy Fallon deflowers Meg... then Peter beats the living crap out of him. Gold.

Is it true that dude always looks at the camera, and is continuously stuffing up his lines? I've never seen him on SNL... but from what I could tell, he's quit already, right?


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post #28  quote:

Oh yeah, he would contstantly break character. Always giggling, making other cast members laugh, the whole thing. At first it was kind of funny because it rarely happened to the SNL cast. But it got to the point where he would do it every week and in more than one sketch. He would usually crack up at Horatio Sans or Will Farrell.

Fallon left the show last season. He was funny and all, but looking back it kind of seemed like amateur hour.

-HECK!


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post #29  quote:

I haven't liked that show in a really long time. I heard its picked itself up recently, but I remember almost wetting myself at it years and years and years ago. I guess the last episode I actually watched was probably 5 or 6 years ago.

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post #30  quote:

I liked it when Eddie Murphy was on it, and did his Mr. Robinson's Neighbourhood skits and Buckwheat impressions.

For me, it was probably funniest when they had Spade, Farley, Schneider, and the rest of them.


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