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Edward Teach
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Military Humor post #1  quote:



Many times people who have never been in or around the military will not get our brand of humor. We will find humor in things where non military folks won't. Military people love to tell stories, tall tales about their military experience. Some are completely true some are half true and some are just plain made up.

A military story always begins with "Your not going to believe this, this is the aboslute truth..." or "This is a true story..."

So if you have a humorous true story, half true story put it here.


Old Post 05-06-2005 01:59 PM
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Edward Teach
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post #2  quote:

I'll start out with a true story from when I was at RAF Fairford in England. RAF Fairford sits in the Cotswolds of England not far from Swindon, Bristol and Oxford. I was buck Sargent there unaccompanied (without family) so I had to live in the barracks with a bunch of Airmen. Being one of the higher ranked guys in the barracks I made a bit more and actually was able to buy a car. So this instantly made me the designated driver. Well one Saturday evening me and 3 of my buddies decide to pile into my car and drive over to Oxford and hit a few pubs and night clubs. My 3 buddies were Smitty, Pete and Lux. After finding a place to park our first stop was a big night club, lots of dancing and wall to wall people. As it turns out Smitty and Pete were big guys. Lux was a ladies man and I was married with kids back in the states. Me and Pete grabbed a pint and mingled around, talked to a few folks. Lux and Smitty with the other direction. All of a sudden we see and hear a commotion on the other side of the dance floor. Fists flying and a empty beer mug flying across several people. (not sure if it hit anyone). I guess Lux tried to pick up someone elses supposed girl friend and a couple of the locals decided they weren't very happy about that and started a fight with Lux and Smitty. Once everything settled down we saw the management of the club tell a few blokes to leave (basically throwing them out). We all looked at each other and came to the conclusion, we better leave because they are going to throw us out next. So we headed for the door but before we reached the door we were stopped by the club management. We said we know we were involved and we're leaving. He said "No you don't have to leave, those blokes are troublemakers and we've had trouble with them in the past. You're welcome here mates."
I'm serious he really did talk like that. We said "maybe well be back later".

So we left that place and was heading back to the car when we saw another club, this one was up some stairs and had a guy at the door. So we approached the door where we were stopped (keep in mind that we all had a few pints). The guy at the door said "This is a private club, are you fellas members?" I said "No we're Americans" he said "Oh ok and let us in. We all went to the bar to get a pint, Me and Pete, having our darts, began shooting a came of darts. Lux did his usual and tried to hit on the ladies and Smitty feeling pretty good started to get into the music. Now Smitty had on Slacks and a sports coat. Feeling pretty good he started dancing, there were maybe a couple dozen people there. Anyway Smitty was really getting into dancing by himself onstage. We all said go Smitty, then someone said "FISH OUT OF WATER". Well if you have ever seen the movie Animal house you know what that mean. YES! Smitty drops to the floor and starts shaking like a "FISH OUT OF WATER". Well I guess that was too much excitement for the members of this private club because the management asked us to leave. (yes we successfully got thrown out of someplace).

During the ride home we all got to talking. Lux if you remember is the ladies man, couldn't understand why he couldn't hit on any of the ladies. Then Smitty said "Didn't any of you notice? It's a private club right? The girls were all sitting with the girls and the guys were sitting with the guys. It was a private GAY night club." We all groaned and made those eeeeyouuuuu yuk kinds of sounds ('l'll leave out all the expletives) No none of us realized it was a private gay night club. I expect the name of the club should have given it away, it was called the Cinderella Club.


Old Post 05-06-2005 02:43 PM
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Edward Teach
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post #3  quote:

A Retired Marine living in Florida owned a large farm. He had fruit trees and a large pond all fixed up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe pits, and an American Flag blowing from atop a tall pole. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old Marine decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, look everything over and pick some fruit on the way back to the house. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit from his fruit trees. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he got closer he saw several of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all swam to deeper water so he couldn't see their naked bodies.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old Marine frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked." Holding the bucket up he smiled and said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."


Old Post 05-06-2005 03:13 PM
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