cool to be a lesbian?

Chit Chat Forum

just wondering what you guys think about TATU's effect on young people. will it make it "cool" to be a lesbian and what effect you think that will have on people, especially school aged children

i know when i was at school (5 years ago), i was interested in girls but there was no way i could ever tell anyone or do anything about it. so TATU may make it easier for "real" lesbians to be who they are

but i wonder how many hearts will be broken by the "cool" people who have to try any trend and the "real" lesbians will suffer for it

I dunno how I'd feel. My intire life has been a closet so It;s hard to say. But for the rest of the mimi me's, truth comes from inside, they should find themselves before descovery the need for another.

I know for alot of teenagers in London, t.A.T.u helped us define ourselves. We have now smashed our school uniform clad bodies through those dark and gloomy closets and began to be proud to be gay! so screw you Richard and Judy!!

wow is everyone at the forum too lazy or to uninteressted?
i thought this was a big issue, but only two replies; aparently i was wrong

I have no idea...I don't know any lesbians (except you guys, hehe) so it's hard to tell.

R u a lesbian, errik?

I didn't mean it in that way... but it did come out in that way, hmmm. Any ways, but now that u do talk to lesbians, how would you feel on the topic refering to all off us?

you mean if I think it's cool to be a lesbian? My English isn't perfect so I didn't really understand your question.

I'm freakin' now. Should it be "my english aren't perfect" or "my english isn't perfect" ???

I havn't seen any "TATU effect" here in Sweden. Not many young people have the currage to tell other people that they are homosexual...But it's getting more and more accepted. We have many celebs who now show that they are homosexuals so the next step might be that schoolkids show that too.

Personally I have no problems with lesbians at all. I think that it's ok to be gay too of course but I really don't want a guy to flirt with me, hehe

When I was in high school, 14 years ago, I could have NEVER told anyone that I was a lesbian. But, not even a year after I graduated, I came out, completely, and didn't care what anyone thought. I just couldn't hide it any longer. I've never gone back to the closet.

Anyway... it's really hard for me to say that it's "cool" to be gay. It bothers me when I see people who just do it for show, because they think that it's cool. Well... it's not so cool when there is so much hatred and bigotry in this world.

I'm not sure it t.a.t.U. are giving people a reason to think that it's "cool" to be gay, as much as to say... if you are gay, it's alright. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Be proud.

Eerik. well at least your honest. And about the guy hitting on you that be so cute, .

KJPotter, um taty isn't refering that's it is koolio to be gay or lesbian just that you should be afraid of being who u are. They said it themselves, "Be happy, be in love, we are..."

i don't think KJPotter is saying that TATU is saying it's cool to be a lesbian, she's just answering my question

so far everyone says that TATU aren't making lesbian-ism cool, but the other day i saw a group of girls from the private school up the road from where i work and they were all walking down the street holding hands, i've never seen that before TATU came out

so do you think more girls are experimenting with their sexuality now?

S. Florida teen girls discovering `bisexual chic' trend

By Jamie Malernee
Education Writer
Posted December 30 2003

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

A group of teenagers is gathered at a party. Music's playing; smuggled booze is flowing. Two girls grin sheepishly at each other as a crowd goads them on.

Finally, the teens relent, rewarding their audience with some mouth-on-mouth action.

It's not an unusual scene, according to South Florida high school students, who say the newest trend for teen girls isn't wearing the latest designer jeans or driving a cool car, but declaring themselves to be bisexual.

"Some do it for attention. Some do it because guys like it. And some do it just because they can. It's definitely a fad," says Stranahan High student Christy Shalley, president of the Fort Lauderdale school's Gay Straight Alliance.

Jessie Gilliam, program manager for Youth Resource -- a national Web site created by and for gay, lesbian and bisexual young people -- says the trend is known as "bisexual chic," or in many cases, "faux bisexual." It usually starts with some hand-holding or grinding on the dance floor, then progresses from there.

"It's a countrywide thing," she says.

Note to parents: If this seems particularly shocking, try turning on a TV to see why most kids aren't as fazed. There's the infamous kiss between Britney Spears and Madonna at the recent MTV Music Video Awards. There's the popular singing duet Tatu, two Russian teenage girls who, depending on whom you believe, are really in love with each other or just part of a brilliant marketing scheme that simultaneously appeals to gays, misunderstood adolescents and the Lolita lust of straight men.

Flip to another channel, and you'll see beer commercials where guys fantasize about two female friends "catfighting" in a fountain.

Despite this constant stream of images, students say moms and dads generally are clueless that it's really happening.

"Nobody's parents know," says David Sternberg, a senior at Spanish River High in Boca Raton. "And if they think they know, they really don't know."

He adds that some girls may truly be questioning their sexuality, but others just want to be perceived as hot.

"Girls go for the whole mystery thing. And guys usually think it's attractive. It's a turn-on. It's more of a teasing thing. At parties, girls randomly kiss, and guys are like, `Oh! That's awesome!'" he says.

Sharon Friedlander, head of guidance for Broward public schools, says adults in the school system are well aware of students' growing flirtation with bisexuality. But she doesn't necessarily see it as an entirely new phenomenon.

"The questioning process is part of growing up," she says.

Children acting out

In the past, young people may have waited until college to explore their sexuality. Today, it's common for that process to start at a younger age, Friedlander and other educators say.

"It's really just straight children acting out that natural pubescent rebellion, of stepping out of the boundaries the previous generation set up," says Clarence Brooks, a teacher at Bak Middle School of the Arts in West Palm Beach.

Sam Deblaker of Wilton Manors says she first experimented with girls because of the way guys reacted.

"I liked the attention," the 17-year-old says, adding that though she has had a boyfriend for two years, she occasionally kisses girls in front of him. "He likes it. It's fun."

But not all students are so accepting.

"It's wrong. God made us male and female for a reason," says Jenny Saint Jean, 15, a freshman at Fort Lauderdale High.

Karla Núñez, 16, agrees: "I don't go to those kind of parties."

Stephanie Forman, a sophomore at Cypress Bay High in Weston, says the trend is sort of "disgusting," but she's used to seeing it.

"Guys are like, `Kiss, kiss, kiss!'" she said, adding that some behavior carries over onto campus. "Parents shouldn't freak out. It's just for fun."

From one perspective, Sternberg sees the trend as a sign of greater tolerance toward gay people. He came out with an article in his school newspaper this year and says most people have been accepting.

On the other hand, he says, the girl-girl trend, and the relative casual reaction to it, also shows how males aren't allowed the flexible sexuality females are.

"It's all fine and good for women, but if a guy is experimenting with a guy, he'll feel the consequences," Sternberg says. "Someone could really hurt you or make a point of humiliating you."

The double standard is part of the reason Gilliam doesn't think the fad will do much for gay rights in the long run.

"It's a bisexuality that's focused on heterosexuality in that it's still focused on pleasing a man, a heterosexual audience, and in that sense it's not progressive," she says. "Sexism plays into it. Girls in our culture aren't supposed to have a sexuality on their own terms."

As for the issue of girls who may be "faking" bisexuality to get attention, adults say this could be the new equivalent to young women who experiment with lots of boys for the same reason.

"Above all ... we try to teach them to have respect for themselves," says Friedlander. "It has huge implications. Two or three years from now, when the world is talking about them, it's not such a `turn-on.' Many cannot internalize that. For them, there is nothing other than the moment."

`Real' vs. `fake'

The very idea of "real" vs. "fake" bisexuality is controversial. Some people don't believe bisexuality exists -- believing that those who say they are bisexual are either experimenting straight people, or homosexuals who aren't fully ready to admit their orientation.

"It's important to take bisexuality as a serious identity. It's a myth that bisexuality is a phase," counters California-based Denise Penn, president of BiNet USA, one of the oldest advocacy and network groups in the nation for bisexuals. "Maybe these girls aren't faking it. Maybe `bisexual chic' gives them a way of exploring their bisexuality without committing to it. They can say, `Oh, we're just playing.'"

Ironically, Toby Hill-Meyer, a University of Oregon student doing his master's on how people identify their own sexuality, says that because of "bisexual chic" many "true" bisexuals resist identifying with that word anymore.

"They don't want to be associated with that trendiness," he says.

Either way, Penn says, it doesn't really matter who's faking and who's not. She thinks the entire issue conveys a larger message.

"People like to categorize us, label us, so they can frame their thinking about us. But sexuality is so complex," she says. "Everyone is different."

Jamie Malernee can be reached at jmalernee@sun-sentinel.com or 954-356-4849.

Sunday, January 25, 2004 - 7:27:52 AM PST



For some teen girls, sexual preference is a shifting concept
By Laura Sessions Stepp - WASHINGTON POST

WASHINGTON

MOVE over, Ellen DeGeneres, and make way for the younger girls. Way younger, actually, and way different from what most people think of as lesbians.

You can see this new trend on Friday nights outside Union Station, sweethearts from high schools around the Washington area, some locking lips, others hanging out in their tight blue jeans and puffy winter parkas, talking on their cell phones.

You can see them in the hallways of high schools such as South Lakes in Reston, Va., Magruder in Rockville, Md., or Coolidge in Washington. In 2002 at Coolidge, a teacher got so fed up with girls nuzzling each other in class and other public places that he threatened to send any he saw to the principal's office. He admitted to students that he wouldn't report boy-girl kisses, setting off a furor among a student body that, the year before, had chosen a lesbian pair as the school's cutest couple

These girls pack Ani DiFranco concerts and know tATu lyrics by heart. Their attention is usually directed exclusively at each other but not always: A group of girls at a private school in Northwest Washington charge boys $10 to watch the girls make out in front of them. At one school dance earlier last year, a chaperon had to break up a group of guys circled around two girls kissing, according to other girls who were there.

Maybe the teenage exhibitionists were just yanking guys' chains, or hoping to prove how sexy they are, or copying Britney and Madonna. But it's also possible they were enjoying themselves. There's no way for an outsider to know, for in the protean world of young female sexuality, where all forms of expression are modeled, nothing is certain.

Social scientists say that 5 percent to 7 percent of young people are gay or lesbian, and that teenagers are starting at younger ages to have same-sex sexual experiences: 13 for boys, 15 for girls.

But those figures don't begin to tell the full story about today's girls because girls, more often than boys, experiment with their sexuality and resist being placed in any particular group.

Chanda Harris, a junior at High Road Upper School in Beltsville, Md., is one of these girls. She's standing outside Union Station on a cold Friday night, waiting for her girlfriend and holding three giant helium balloons in celebration of her friend's birthday.

The girls around her from various high schools -- Bladensburg in Maryland, Anacostia, Ballou, Cardozo and Coolidge in Washington -- converge to hear what she has to say.

She started going out with girls when she was 14, following a breakup with her boyfriend.

"At first I thought going out with a girl was nasty," she says. "Then I went to a club and did a big flip-flop. I've been off and on with girls and guys since then."

Another girl, a junior at Anacostia High, says her first love was a guy now in the Marines and stationed in North Carolina. She dated Kenny for two years and his picture adorns her bedroom wall.

But now she's dating a female high school basketball player. "Whoever likes me, I like them," she says matter-of-factly.

A world away, on the campus of Brown University, Chloe Root, a sophomore with a penchant for bright-colored, funky skirts from secondhand stores, also prefers to keep her options open.

She had her first crush on a girl at age 12 but dated guys, including one with whom she thought she was in love, until her senior year in high school in Ann Arbor, Mich. Then she fell in love with a girl a year behind her in school and has been going out with her ever since.

"If something happened to my relationship with Julie, I could see myself with a boy again," Root says. "There are some days I notice I'm thinking girls are pretty, and other days I'm thinking there are a lot of good-looking guys at this school."

So are these girls bisexual? Perhaps. But they prefer descriptions like "gayish," questioning, even "queer" -- an umbrella description so broad, according to Root, that it encompasses straights as well as gays.

These girls say they don't know what they are and don't need to know. Adolescence and young adulthood is a time for exploration, and they should feel free to love a same-sex partner without assuming that is how they'll spend the rest of their lives.

"I like women only right now," says Cary Trainor, also a Brown sophomore and a self-defined lesbian since high school. "But who knows where I'll be in 25 years?"

See, it is becoming "cool", I told you so.