| Hey, Woodpecker: You said the Broncos would be 19 and 0 this season. First of all, the preseason and the regular season add up to 20 games, and second of all, the Broncos already lost a game. You can't count, and you can't predict, moron. Go Raiders! - C.S.
Paige: When you going to apologize? Where's your column explaining why you were wrong about the Broncos season. You said they would win every game including the preseason. You wimped out. - J.R.
Some troglodytes are just not far enough advanced in the evolutionary process.
Let's explain this precisely for those who are one cerebral cortex short of a brain: Yes, I am as serious as Doctor Zhivago, as accurate as William Tell and as determined as the Wife of Bath.
The Broncos will become the first team in ! the history of the National Football League to finish with a 19-0 record ... in the regular and postseason. That perfect mark does not include irrelevant exhibitions, intrasquad scrimmages and superfluous appearances after midnight at sports bars.
But an unblemished season won't be quite as easy as I originally believed because of the idiocy of Daryl "Ihopalong Cassidy" Gardener. The Prince of Pancakes won't be healthy in time to start the "real" season.
Follow along at home. Cut and stick on refrigerator.
Week 1: Broncos 35, Bengals 7 at Cincinnati. Mike Shanahan unveils another 44 percent of the offense, and Jake Plummer disparagers understand what he can do, but refuse to admit their foolishness. Clinton Portis rushes for 279 yards.
Week 2: Broncos 30, Chargers 28 at San Diego. Jason Elam kicks a 34-yard field goal as the clock expires. San Diego coach Marty Schottenheimer admits: "I thought I didn't have to worry anymore about co! mebacks with Elway gone."
Week 3: Broncos 41, Raiders 6 at Denver. Shanahan's pregame scripting works flawlessly as the Broncos score 21 points in the opening quarter and cruise in the home opener and Monday night game. Gardener suits up, plays well and doesn't stop for breakfast after the game. No flaps, Jack.
Week 4: Broncos 48, Lions 13 at Denver. So simple. Plummer completes 16 consecutive passes, including eight to Shannon Sharpe, who scores three touchdowns and brings back the "Hulk" pose.
Week 5: Broncos 30, Chiefs 20 at Kansas City. Broncos draw another break by playing in Arrowhead Stadium during autumn rather than in late December. Portis gains more yardage than Priest Holmes and becomes the leading rusher in the NFL. The Broncos intercept four passes. It's not easy being Green.
Week 6: Broncos 34, Steelers 9 at Denver. Tommy Maddox, the No. 1 draft pick for the Broncos in 1992, returns to Denver and plays as he did then. The B! roncos are treated as serious contenders, and people in Phoenix start criticizing Jeff "Not The Snake" Blake. The Cardinals are 2-4 on the way to a 4-12 record.
Week 7: Broncos 42, Vikings 28 at Minneapolis. Plummer throws for 459 yards to set the club record, and Rod Smith, Ashley Lelie and Ed McCaffrey each catch two touchdown passes.
Week 8: Broncos 23, Ravens 20 at Baltimore. The Broncos finally win in their fourth attempt against Ravens - and third game in Baltimore's new stadium. Sharpe scores the winning touchdown at the two-minute warning of the fourth quarter. The Broncos are the only unbeaten team in football at the midway point in the season.
Week 9: Broncos 14, Patriots 0 at Denver. In the second Monday night game here the first major snowstorm of the year strikes. There is no referee, snowblower or divine intervention for the Pats.
Week 10: The Broncos don't win. That's because they have a bye, C.S. and J.R. Duh.
Week 11: Broncos 45, Chargers 10 at Denver. Blowout.
Week 12: Broncos 42, Bears 6 at Denver. Blowout II.
Week 13: Broncos 24, Raiders 21 at Oakland. Tough. Tight. Tumultuous. Overtime. Bill Romanowski is called for a personal foul against Plummer, and the Broncos kick a field goal to win.
Week 14: Broncos 30, Chiefs 20 at Denver. Deja view to a kill.
Week 15: Broncos 37, Browns 7 at Denver. The Broncos are being compared to the 1972 Miami Dolphins. Significant difference. The Dolphins played a 14-game schedule and, in the regular season, didn't triumph over a team with more than eight victories. The Broncos don't have the most difficult schedule, but do prevail in seven games against teams that end up over .500.
Week 16: Broncos 35, Colts 34 at Indianapolis. Great (Lenny) Walls of Fire intercepts Peyton Manning in the end zone on the final play.
Week 17: Broncos 31, Packers 24 at Green Bay. Same score, oddly enough, as Super Bowl XXXII. Broncos c! onclude unbeaten regular season.
Division playoff game (Jan. 11): Broncos 34, Raiders 14 at Denver. For the first time the Broncos win three in one season over the Raiders. Al Davis dresses in black.
AFC Championship game (Jan. 18): Broncos 37, Dolphins 6 at Denver. The Dolphins, fittingly, become the Broncos' 18th consecutive conquered foe. Brian Griese plays the fourth quarter.
Super Bowl XXXVIII (Feb. 1): Broncos 40, Rams 37 at Houston. St. Louis leads for much of the game, but the Broncos rally in the fourth quarter. Owner Pat Bowlen announces "This one's for Jake." Plummer is named the MVP.
Nineteen and Oh, happy days are here again.
Source: Denver Post (Woody Paige) | |
