Gryffindor Tower - Editorials

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These are from mugglenet.com

A bi-weekly editorial column about anything in the Harry Potter Universe, by Dan Hoppel, Jr.

The Story of a 19-Year-Old Skeptic
An original editorial by Daniel Hoppel Jr

Being a nineteen-year-old male college student, the things that are most on my mind are friends, grades, and girls. Far from it are wizards, witches, brooms, goblins, etc, and nowhere near it are eleven-year-olds running around in maroon sweaters and black robes. So when a friend of mine, who is also a sophomore in college, offered me the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone DVD, my reaction was basically this: “There is no way in Hell I’m going to watch that stupid kiddie movie.” I’d heard of the movies and books before, and I remember all the fuss about the Goblet of Fire book being released (although I recalled it simply as the “green book”). I have loved reading my whole life, but this was not what I considered to be a worthwhile two hours. However, he forced me to take it, so I did, and I left it on my kitchen counter for three days. Every time I walked by, it haunted me…I was interested, intrigued you may even say, but I wasn’t about to follow the route of countless teenie-bopping fanatics (another false belief I held). Finally, on a Friday night (November 8th) when I had absolutely nothing to do, I decided to give it a try. I put the DVD into the tray, almost in pain, fearing what I was about to see. My mind went wild; I pictured Barney flying around on a broomstick, trying to rid the world of the evil Big Bird and his slew of Power Ranger cohorts. Usually I’m pretty open-minded, and I can’t tell you why I wasn’t for this movie. But I turned it on. And I watched. I remember about an hour into it, the phone rang. I paused the movie, sprinted out to the phone, gave the person on the other line a one-word answer, and ran back. At the end of the movie, I cried. It wasn’t the only emotion I had, either. I wanted to punch Dudley and Uncle Vernon in the face at the beginning; I resented Draco trying to put down Ron before the Sorting ceremony; I felt so happy when Harry got presents for Christmas; I was scared when Ron almost died on the chess board; and I was shocked when the real turncoat was actually Professor Quirrel. And, as I said, when I finished the movie, I cried. I can’t tell you why, really…it just made me so happy. The Sorcerer’s Stone was one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Amazingly, the second movie was coming out the next week, but that wasn’t on my mind yet. In the week that followed (between when I first watched Sorcerer’s Stone and the release of Chamber of Secrets), I watched Sorcerer’s Stone sixteen times. SIXTEEN. And every time, I got something else out of the story. By the time the second movie was out, I was hyped. I had gone away to visit a friend in college, so we couldn’t go until Saturday. When I told him we were going to see it, his reaction was much like mine when my friend from school offered me the first DVD. But he came along, and he too was taken by the magic of the Harry Potter stories. I went to see it again, and then I let go. That was it, it seemed. The thought of reading the books never entered my mind. However, that would change…
A few days before Christmas break, my friend Joe (the same kid who first gave me the Harry Potter DVD) asked if we could meet at a café near school to hang out once more before break. My best friend Kevin, who also was friends with Joe, came along. When we got there, we decided to play chess. However, my eyes fell upon a book sitting next to his seat: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I asked him if he’d mind me taking a look, and he didn’t. I started reading it. They played chess the whole time, which wasn’t long: in about fifteen minutes, Joe had to leave, and I hadn’t even noticed the time. I had finished the first chapter. I told Joe that maybe I’d pick up the third book if I got a chance, but the truth was, I was dying to read it. Joe asked for the book back, and although I was tempted to ask him if I could borrow it, I didn’t. He put it back, and pulled out a blue wrapped present, and said to me, “Merry Christmas.” I didn’t expect a present from him, and I was touched that he even got me anything. However, when I opened it, I almost died. It was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. He explained that since I saw the first two movies, and I liked them so much, I may like reading one this time. He was right. Using the little time I had, only about an hour or so a night, I read the book. In five days, I had finished it. And I was amazed. It was one of the best books I’ve ever read. I decided that I wanted the other three, which I got from my mom for Christmas. Since I had seen the first two movies, I wanted to rush through them to get to the fourth book. But I took my time, and absorbed everything. And when I finished the fourth book, I went back and read them all again. It didn’t take long in the first place; the first too books took me about ten hours total (over the course of two days), and the third book took me just under seven hours (over two days). I was amazed…it wasn’t that I read fast, it was just that it was so easy to absorb. Not because they were easy books, but because they were so amazing...they kept me hooked. I couldn’t put them down. Like with the third book, which I read first, I had to fight to close it every night, and all I thought about the next day was where I had left off.

My whole point in writing this was to fulfil two basic objectives: one, to show how a nineteen-year old got into these books, proving that they transcend age; and two, to tell you why I believe everyone should read these books. First objective completed, here’s why I know that everyone should have a copy of each of the Harry Potter books.

Harry, first off, isn’t a character. Many great books have been written through the course of time, but no book, in my opinion, has had characters to which people can relate so well as the Harry Potter books. Harry is a real person. When we read the books, we don’t just see the events take place, we feel them. Now, you may say that any good book can do that. But I’ve read many of the classics, and none have had me so captured in the first five lines as the Harry Potter books. From the first line of Prisoner of Azkaban, I was caught. I couldn’t think on my own anymore. The phone could ring, the lights could flicker, Hell, a bomb could go off, but you wouldn’t notice it. Harry isn’t a character that we leave when we close the book. Because we can so identify with him, we can see him in the real world. When we’re at school, we can understand what it’s like to want to joke about the absurdity of a teacher’s comment; we can want to tell off our least favorite professor; we can feel ourselves bottle up anger when a bully taunts us. These traits are so common, and yet, J.K. Rowling makes them so elegant, so astounding, so perfect. We don’t see imperfection in Harry; for, when he is most lost, he seems to find his way out of any problem, and it’s not because he’s perfect. It’s because he’s imperfect as a person, but has the perfection of human spirit to guide him. What’s even more astounding is his age. Although many of the things he does seem a little advanced for his age, we never say, “No way! An eleven-year-old can’t do that!” And that further justifies our belief in the perfection of human spirit. We see Harry longing for his parents, and we long for them as well; we see his heart pounding as the basilisk chases him, and our heart pounds; we see a wand raised to Cedric, and we cannot believe it, the shock, the pain, the horror of it all…it’s not a book, it’s a life. The Harry Potter books are true lives simply on pages. I dare anyone to tell me that these people aren’t real: that Hagrid isn’t a lovable giant, that Dumbledore isn’t going to make us feel better no matter how upset we are, that McGonagall’s eyes aren’t going to pierce us so fiercely when we are causing trouble that we’d wish we were never born. But then, if this is all true, where are we left when we finish all the books? For starters, I’ve finished all four books. Well, am I done? Of course not! I’m going to go through all of them again, and find as many connections as I can (for sure, if a teacher told us to do that with school books, we’d cry, but in this case, it seems not only easy, but welcome). I’m going to discuss the books with my friends, arguing over what’s the more exciting book, or which one was my favorite, or which one I wish I could be in. I’m going to theorize who I believe will be becoming couples in the later books (Ron and Hermione? Or Harry and Hermione? Who knows?) And I’m going to lay awake at night, replaying every one of Harry’s, Hermione’s, and Ron’s adventures over and over in my head, and right before I fall asleep, I’ll remember why I love these books so much. They take us so far away, and yet, they show us exactly what is so great about where we are. They scare us to death, and yet, they let us fall in love. They drop us when we’re so close to the truth, only to catch us before we hit the bottom. They never lie, never cheat, and if they are to steal our hearts, it is only in the most welcome and loving way possible. Forever I will remember being a nineteen-year-old boy who was unwillingly convinced to watch a DVD, which, over the course of two and a half hours, changed my whole outlook on life. Because, as I’ve finished the four books, and am anxiously awaiting the fifth book, I realized something about Harry Potter: I am Harry Potter. We all are. We all are Harry, and Hermione, and Ron, we’ll always be running away from the Snapes and Filches in our lives; we’ll always be going to the Dumbledores for advice and protection; we’ll always be fighting with the Crabbes, Goyles, and Malfoys; and ultimately, we’ll all have to face our own Voldemorts. But, above all else, above the laughter, fear, anticipation, friendship, love, and happiness that Harry Potter has given me, he has given me one more lasting sentiment: What will come, will come. And when it does, we will face it. But until then, we can enjoy everything there is to enjoy about life, for as far away from Hogwarts as we may seem to be, we are closer than we can ever imagine.

Does Harry Potter: The Product Leave Room for Harry Potter: The Story?

Being as this is my first real column on MuggleNet, I want to thank Emerson for giving me the chance to write for his website, and tell you a bit about myself. My name is Dan Hoppel, and I am a twenty-year-old college student at the University of Scranton in Scranton, PA. I love writing about anything I can, and since I have a newly-acquired love for Harry Potter, I can't think of a better way to spend my time. If you enjoy this, check out my first editorial by clicking here.


The following is an excerpt from Entertainment Weekly Online :

The rest is (very profitable) history. Last year's Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, starring three neophytes -- Emma Watson (as Hermione Granger), Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley), and Radcliffe -- conjured $318 million in the U.S. and more than twice that overseas, sliding in behind Titanic as the second-biggest worldwide box office hit in history. Then there were the 9 million DVDs. The plush toys. The videogames. The Coca-Cola tie-ins. The vibrating broomsticks. ''Two years before that picture came out, we sat down as a company, heads of all different divisions, putting together a strategy,'' says Dawn Taubin, president of domestic marketing for Warner Bros. ''It wasn't about one movie. It was about building a long-term property. You were talking about 10 years." (Says director Chris Columbus), "and listen, there's no question that there are many different ways for AOL Time Warner to benefit from Harry Potter: The Product, but I have no control over the merchandising and marketing. It's all part of the big Potter world.''
Now, to the casual moviegoer, this may seem almost normal. Find something in pop culture, something that has the rapt attention of millions of people, and turn it into a merchandising machine. We've seen it with Star Wars and Lord of the Rings(arguably the two biggest franchises, besides Harry Potter). So the question is: Why would I choose to write about Harry Potter, in particular, when so many movies have taken the same route? The answer, you will find, is quite simple, and revolves around a single grudge I have with the Harry Potter franchise.

If we can admit that just about every major movie has tie-ins to all different types of merchandising, why does Harry Potter raise my ire? It is simply because Harry Potter wasn't created with any intention of being a merchandising machine, it was created as a story. And a damn good story at that. You may say that Lord of the Rings is another story-turned-movie, which I cannot argue. However, Harry Potter did something that LOTR can never claim. The stories of the Boy Who Lived were the book series that got almost every young person into reading. We're not talking about your average bookworm, either; Harry Potter brought reading into the mainstream. Kids who have never picked up a book were reading the Harry Potter books cover to cover, time and time again. Harry Potter made reading cool. There's no debating the popularity of the books. And don't misquote me, I did not say "the popularity of the movies", and I did not say "the popularity of the tie-ins." I said the popularity of the books. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone came in second in worldwide box-office draw. However, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was the fastest-selling book ever. Not second-fastest, or third-fastest, but THE fastest. Star Wars was always intended to be a global merchandising conglomerate; LOTR has been made the same. However, Harry Potter cannot claim that fame, because the core of the Harry Potter franchise is a story, a story free of the commercial propaganda of which other franchises have taken hold. Even in that same EW article, when some accuse Columbus of not delivering an original movie (Sorcerer's Stone), he maintains that he did what he knew was the right thing to do: he stayed true to the story. For sure, the final confrontation between Harry and Quirrel could have included a car chase, a gun battle, or even a lightsaber duel, and consequently could have even doubled profits; however, Columbus, realizing that his core audience was going to be the fans of the books, chose to stay true to J.K. Rowling's plot. Criticize all you want, but in twenty years, the only people who will remember the Harry Potter movies as a part of their lives, not just as stories and movies, are the ones who loved the books before there ever were motion pictures to match.

Don't misunderstand me; I feel that there's nothing wrong with the Harry Potter Product machine, but my main point is to make you all understand one thing: no one, from Warner Bros. executives to the product manufacturers, can ever let the Harry Potter Product overshadow the Harry Potter Story. In the end, what makes this different from Star Wars is the fact that Harry Potter was first, and always will be, a story made for the sake of storytelling. And trust me, this, coming from one of the biggest Star Wars fans alive, I'm telling you: don't ever let anyone forget that Harry Potter will always be, first and last, a boy on the pages of books and in the hearts of our imaginations. For no matter how good the cast of the movies may be, and no matter how much money Warner Bros. may make on of the Harry Potter Franchise, it wouldn't have ever come to be without J.K. Rowling's vision of a wonderful new world. And this one isn't in a galaxy far, far away.

1/27/2003

Fighting the "Critics"

These are taken from the page of funny emails:
whY don/t u do us all a favor and die cuase hary potter is ***.go smoke some floo powder U friggin fairy.

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HOw DARE you compare one of the best pieces of litature to a little kids movie, and devote a whole website to it? ok there may be some things alike between the lord of the rings and harry potter but thats because the writers of harry potter ripped some things off. the lord of the rings isn\'t just a fantasy it also has meaning and depth too, unlike the kiddie movie harry potter. i mean come what the hell is your problem? honsetly all that harry potter is a piece of crap that is a lord the rings rip off. so i must request that you take down this site and maybe actuly look for the meaning behind the lord of the rings and not just the stuff that appels to little kids.

Wow. When I first got this column, I thought about naming it "The Whomping Willow", but I assumed I wouldn't be bashing too many things, so I settled on "Gryffindor Tower." However, I guess I'll be living up to the former in this.

First and foremost, and this is a personal thing, I hate people who cannot write a three-line email without making it sound like they've never stepped foot in a school before. I cannot stand to see so many stupid mistakes in what should be easy for these people. If you use the word "friggin" in everyday life, you should be old enough to write a single sentence correctly. As far as the second email, please, learn how to spell. Come on…we're not talking about hard words here, either…literature? Appeals? Actually? You simply amaze me.

Now to get into my real arguments. The first email I will refer to as the "Fairy" email. For someone to say that Harry Potter is ***, and tell the webmaster of this site to die, one would assume that the accuser has never given Harry Potter a chance. Truthfully, that is fine by me. To each his own. However, most people I know who bash on Harry Potter would most definitely not know what Floo Powder is, for the mere fact that they would have given up after the first book and/or first movie. So, my friend, do not go running your mouth. Telling someone to die? Have you lost your stupid little mind? If you don't like this site…and this idea may shock you...DON'T READ IT. Don't email any of us, don't waste your time making up stupid phrases like "go smoke some Floo Powder", just leave.

Now, the second email. You first complain that MuggleNet has compared one of the "best pieces of literature" to a kids' movie. MuggleNet, in no way, compared LOTR to a kids' movie. They compared it to a book series. And if I'm not mistaken, Harry Potter (by the simple numbers the book has drawn) is more popular than Lord of the Rings. Lord of the Rings aren't nearly as popular in literary form as they are in movie form. Maybe to you they are, and I'm sure to many others, but to mainstream society, the fame that Lord of the Rings has garnered is intrinsic of the LOTR movies, not the books. Harry Potter, however, will always be a great story with a paralleled movie. The great buzz right now is over the Lord of the Rings movies, not the books. The buzz around Harry Potter is still centered on the books. Second, you say that the writers of Harry Potter ripped off LOTR. How do you support this claim? The writers of Harry Potter (and I must assume you mean the movie, since you called it a kids movie, not a book) used only one source: J.K. Rowling's books. They did not sit around and study LOTR to "rip off" that franchise. Third, you say that LOTR has meaning and depth. I venture to guess that you have never read the Harry Potter books (all of them, mind you). I have studied literature for years, from poetry to prose, fiction and nonfiction, and I can tell you with great assurance and confidence that the Harry Potter books have as much meaning and depth as any stories out there. To almost quote you, "HARRY POTTER isn't just a fantasy, it also has meaning and depth." Call The Sorcerer's Stone a "kiddie movie", if you will, but you are gravely mistaken. Harry Potter transcends age (as I have said many times before), and to say that it only appeals to kids makes you seem to be less educated than the youngest people who have read these magnificent books. You request that we take down this site? I request that you take down your stereotypes, and find the meaning in the Harry Potter books that we have already discovered.

You know, it's so hard to stay mature and civil, and I think now is a good time for me to break that habit for a moment. Here is my letter response to these two emails, written in the same style:


Dear Idiots,
HOw dare you talk about Harry Potter like that? You ovusly don't know what you're talking about. come here and rip on us if ya want, maybe you should just take your pansy Lord of the Rings ases back to your *** little friends. I think you smoked too much floo powder yourselves, because Harry Poter is not ***, you're ***. you're both just big ***heads. So go be ***, you *** losers. *** *** *** ***, friggin ***.

Sincerely,

One Sarcastic MuggleNet Lover and Harry Potter Fanatic


Wow. That was fun. Can I have some more Floo Powder?
2/10/2003

Public Service Announcements


Let's start today with some Public Service Announcements. First off...

I AM NOT DANIEL RADCLIFFE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN DANIEL RADCLIFFE, AS FAR AS I CAN REMEMBER, AND SHORT OF LOSING TWO HUNDRED POUNDS AND REDUCING MY AGE BY SEVEN YEARS, I WILL NEVER BE DANIEL RADCLIFFE.

Everyone got it? Good. That was spurned by this email I got, which is amazingly similar to the nine hundred other emails I got, from young ladies believing I am Dan Radcliffe:


This is supposedly Daniel Radcliffe so if you are not him, look for the delete button and click it. Thank you. Now IF YOU ARE DANIEL ALAN RADCLIFFE FROM THE HARRY POTTER SERIES 1. I love you 2. YOUR SOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT HOT HOT HOT HOTHOT GORGEOUS And you prtray Harry So well I could kiss you!!! infact I want to because you seem so sweet and I love you!!! Will you be my valentine? (I'm just gonna keep randomly changing subjects so...) YOUR SOOO COOL WEN YOU SPEAL PARSELTOUNGUE I dunno but i find it unnaturally cool. You are teh perfect harry and a kick arse actor, and I love you. Ilove you (name omitted) age-12 P.S. XOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOOXOXO OXOOXOXOOXOXOXOXO and have a happy valentines day!
How I am "supposedly" Dan Radcliffe, I do not know. But I must commend this girl. Hell, she even knows his middle name. And sweetheart, the Parseltongue thing? Yeah, that's not quite "real", but if you say so, I can live with it. But I wonder, should a 12-year-old girl be calling a guy "hot hot hot hot hothot gorgeous"? That's a little odd...but whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Second off, I must apologize for the way some people took my comments in the last column. When I said "gay", I meant it as an obvious turn on the word that those two idiots used the word in their emails in a frivolous fashion. If I offended anyone, I am truly sorry.

Third off, a very Happy Birthday to a very special Mugglenet Lover, Taylor. Happy Birthday!

So, what's goin on in the news this week? Michael Gambon has taken the role of Albus Dumbledore, Michael Jackson was going to go to the Grammy Awards in the Hogwarts Express (let's hope the children aren't along for this ride. Hate to hear about Jacko waving around his "magic wand").

Prisoner of Azkaban has begun production, which is great to hear. I wonder if Alfonso Cuaron is up to the challenge. Already we've seen a loss of Hogwarts, so to speak; Gloucester Cathedral, the beautiful setting of the last two HP films, has been scrapped, although there is talk of it being reprised in the Goblet of Fire movie, which will be directed again by Chris Columbus. What do you all think of Cuaron? He is internationally renowned for Y Tu Mama Tambien, but that's a different story. A dark, sexual satire that pokes everything from politics to fart jokes, and one must wonder what baggage and mindset Cuaron is carrying into this movie. The jokes that Harry and Ron might be caught playing doctor in the seventh floor tower haven't fallen on deaf ears; Cuaron is openly criticized by top Hollywood officials as being to dark to direct Dan, Emma, Rupert, and the rest of the kids in this movie. Only time will tell, but with Cuaron's amazing adaptive ability, a great extended cast (Gambon, Thewlis, and Oldman, to name a few), and the return of all of our favorites (Rickman, Smith, Grint, Radcliffe, Watson), don't be surprised to see a trip to Hogwarts like you've never experienced before.

So, this has gone nowhere today. Don't worry, I am not that lazy: next time, I'm working on a study of Ron and Hermione's relationship throughout GoF, to hopefully shine a little more light on the subject and the future of those two lovebirds. But for now, I guess a news recap was in order. Speaking of, an idea for all of you is to plan a Chamber of Secrets party for the weekend after April 11th. Get together with your friends, get some food, the DVD, and have a great two and a half hours. I already planned mine; Dan Radcliffe is coming. After all, everyone thinks I'm him, I wouldn't be surprised if people walk up to him and say, "Hey, aren't you that amazing Mugglenet writer, Dan Hoppel Jr.?" And we all know what he says.

He says yes. And don't act surprised. You would say yes too. Heh.

2/28/2003

We Want Wood!


I must apologize. This was supposed to be my analysis of Hermione and Ron's relationship through Goblet of Fire, and as you can see, it's not. I failed to realize that I would not be in my dorm, where my copy of GoF is, because I'm on Spring Break. But don't worry, the next GT will be Hermione and Ron-Romance, or No Chance?

Sadly, this week's GT is met with unfortunate news: Sean Biggerstaff, everyone's favorite Wood, has been removed from production of Prisoner of Azkaban. Before we all go crazy (although Lord knows we all want to), let's look at the various ways that this could play out, in this week's GT- I Need My Wood.

Remember, these are all speculations. First, since Sean is not in the movie, it could mean that they simply replaced him. However, he said himself that they cut Oliver, not just him, so that's doubtful.

Second, they could have just cut Oliver, but kept Quidditch in the movie. But how? Who would be the captain? It would look a little odd. I tried checking on the other characters on the Quidditch team, but there isn't any news online that Leila Sutherland, Danielle Tabor, and Emily Dale (Alicia Spinnet, Angelina Johnson, and Katie Bell, respectively) have been cut. Also, the iMDB (always on top of things) still lists Sean as a part of PoA.

The worst-case scenario is that Quidditch has been cut altogether. There are two things to keep in mind: first, Quidditch is such an integral part of the Harry Potter series, how can they just cut it? Second, Gryffindor wins the Quidditch Cup in PoA! That is a very important part of the book…I have thought for months about how they would make that onscreen! It seemed so exciting, and now it may not happen.

There is one other possible outcome -- the petitions. CBBC Newsround has already picked up on the Wood petitions, and there are tons of signatures. I urge all of you to go to the Mugglenet main page, and sign those petitions. Hopefully, we won't have to look too far for Wood next year.

I want to quickly send out congratulations to Emerson and the whole Mugglenet family for their new partnership with Alivan's Master Wandmakers. Whenever you're in need of a great charm wand, or you need protection from He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Alivan's is your wandmaker!

See y'all in two weeks!

3/11/2003

Ron and Hermione - Romance, or No Chance?


First and foremost, I would be quite remiss to write my next column without an explanation of my whereabouts since March 11th. I have missed writing for Mugglenet very much, but I was taken by many personal problems that required my immediate attention. However, I have gotten through them, for the better I'm sure, and I am ready to write again.

That being said, I must thank you all so much for your concern of my absence over the last few months. If not for all of you loyal Mugglenet patrons, I probably wouldn't be writing this today. However, there is one more thing. Even when I was writing, because of college, it was hard for me to meet my two-week deadlines. However, I am now done with the semester, and I have three months of bliss. I am working full time, but that doesn't give me stress and pull of school. So, I have decided to make Gryffindor Tower a weekly column. This Sunday there will be a new one up, and every Sunday after that, I will be writing a new column until the fall. I ask you all to email me anytime here if you ever want me to discuss any topics. I will be more than glad to take them up, and you might even see your thoughts and names in my columns.

Now, on to the topic at hand. Most of us believe that Ron and Hermione will be getting together in Book Five. Is there evidence pointing towards it? Evidence against it? Using the wonderful page that Mugglenet has put up, documenting the Ron-Hermione question (which can be found here), I will discuss the probability of a romance between Harry Potter's two best friends. And since I do feel quite bad about not writing in awhile, trust me, this one will be as thorough and in-depth as I can make it. Understand, please, that I will be evaluating each quote separately as to whether or not it points to a Ron-Hermione romance. Just because, in my opinion, some quotes do or do not point towards a relationship, don't think that I am dismissing anything. I will keep my personal appraisal for the end. Your best bet to follow me is to open up the Mugglenet page in a new window, since I won't be putting many full excerpts in here, so that you can follow me. I go right down the list, so it shouldn't be too hard. Without further ado, here it is (FINALLY!), Hermione and Ron: Romance, or No Chance?

First, in certain interviews with HP cast members and JK Rowling herself, comments have been made towards a relationship. At a National Press Club luncheon, Rowling said, "Harry and Hermione are very platonic friends. But I won't answer for anyone else. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink." Who is she talking about? Well, in an interview on Barnes and Noble's website, she answers a question about what is going on between Ron and Hermione in the last half of Goblet of Fire: "Yes, something's 'going on,' but Ron doesn't realize it yet. Typical boy." That clearly indicates that at least Hermione feels something for Ron. Let's face it, women can be confusing, and have odd ways of showing how they feel about a guy (a note to you younger male Mugglenet readers-one day a girl will like you, and you won't know it, and then she won't like you, and she'll say it's your fault that you didn't realize it. Don't worry, it's not your fault, women are just very weird sometimes…and for all you female Mugglenet readers, IT'S A JOKE, SO DON'T BOMBARD ME WITH EMAILS, you crazy women).

Now that I've alienated half my readers, let's move on. In a BBC interview, JK said that the answer to whether or not Hermione likes Ron is in Goblet of Fire. Now, does this mean that Ron likes Hermione? Something to be discussed later in this…
Our three little heroes on-screen, Rupert, Emma, and Dan, were asked if they think Ron and Hermione will get together during the Chamber of Secrets press junket. Dan believes so, and Ron seemed convinced (although I'm sure the prospect of having to kiss Emma sickens him now, trust me, in three years, he'll be jumping at the opportunity). Later on, when director Chris Columbus was asked, he more or less said straight out that he is directing the kids to show tension between Ron and Hermione.

So what about the actual books? What points to a Ron-Hermione romance? Well, Goblet of Fire produces the only real ones, so I'm going to go through the Mugglenet excerpts and offer you my analyses. First, in Ron and Hermione's conversation about Eloise Midgen, Ron is accused of wanting to take the best looking girl, even if, more or less, her intelligence is rivaled by garden vegetables. Ron says that that's true, and Hermione storms off to bed. This SHOULD NOT indicate any kind of feelings between the two of them, although it may have been meant to do so. Many girls, regardless of how they feel about a guy, would be appalled to hear that a guy is basing his choosing a date solely on looks, and Hermione's reaction was not at all out of the ordinary.

When Ron "realizes that Hermione is a girl" later on, he asks her to go with one of them (him or Harry) to the Yule Ball. Again, this means nothing. Why? Because he asked her to go with either of them. Clearly, he wasn't concerned with going with her, he just wanted to lessen both their stress over finding dates. Yes, the book does say Ron saw Hermione "in a whole new light", but for this quote to mean anything else, Ron would need to explicitly ask for himself…however…Hermione does say something quite interesting: "Just because it's taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn't mean no one elsehas spotted I'm a girl!" This is a clear piece of evidence pointing towards Hermione's feelings for Ron. In what she says, it is clear that Hermione has noticed that Ron never saw her "as a girl", that is to say, as someone who could have been (and maybe she wishes was) interested in her.

Next, the comments about Hermione's teeth. No, this means nothing at all. Ron noticed her teeth were "normal", but that doesn't mean he wants to go for the gold with her (kids, just ignore that comment). As far as the "mischievous smile", and that "it was a different smile" than what Harry and Ron remembered, that can go two ways: first, literally, her teeth are smaller, it looks different, or second, Hermione smiling mischievously is always out of the ordinary, and she actually was probably never described as doing so in any of the books thus.

When Fleur Delacour comments that the Hogwarts food is too much, and she'll be too big to fit into her dress robe, Hermione makes a comment. Jealousy, or simply Hermione's honest feeling about the girl? I say that Hermione isn't being shown as jealous in this instance. She just believes that Fleur "thinks a lot" of herself. As far as Ron asking who Hermione's going to the ball with, let's face it, if it was you, and your best friend wouldn't tell you, wouldn't you want to know?

I'm putting the next three quotes together. Ok, so Harry tells Ron where to meet Padma. Ron's answer? "Where's Hermione?" First, as my friend Ed pointed out, Ron can be just asking as a friend where his friend is. Second, it could be because he wants to know who she's with. Third, it may be because he is interested in her, and therefore, it's a combination of both. My guess is that it's a combination of both. He is her friend, and because he likes her, he wants to know who she's with. Again, he asks, "Where is Hermione?" Don't be fooled for a second. There is a reason why the word "is" is in italics. Much like Bill Clinton would believe, this "is" has a certain definition. It notes the tension, the urge, the restlessness in Ron's voice. He wants to see her. He wants to know what the hell is going on. And when Ron is standing with Padma, Harry notices that Ron is watching her "with narrowed eyes." Obviously the "narrowed eyes" is envisioned as him looking her with great thought…but thought over what? I say that he's both jealous and impressed.

Now we get to the more extended excerpts (for those of you keeping score, we're at the one where Harry asks Ron "How's it going?"). Ron is glaring at Hermione and Krum. Well, why is he glaring? Most definitely he is jealous. When he asks Hermione if Viktor has asked her to call him "Vicky" yet, that is another example of simple teenage male jealousy, the kind of question any fourteen-year-old guy would ask a girl he likes. During their conversation at the dance, Ron makes it more apparent that he likes her, trying to make an excuse that Krum wants to sabotage Harry's chances of winning, something that he knows Hermione would never let happen. And when Harry walks in on them in the Common Room, the most obvious clue yet is given. Hermione talks about what the "solution" is, that being, ask her to a dance before someone else does. But it's the solution to what? We don't know what Ron said before Harry walked in, but for the solution to be what it was, it must have been something along the lines of Ron telling Hermione he wanted to go with her. And when she says that, Ron is described as a "goldfish out of water", because the obvious thing would have been to ask her first.

Harry later found a miniature arm under his bed, which looked like the arm of the Krum figure Ron had. Why would Ron rip the arm off? What did Krum do to piss off Ron? Obviously, if Ron likes Hermione, and ONLY if Ron likes Hermione, he would get mad at Krum taking Hermione.

Next, Hermione is "furious" when Fleur kisses Ron. She is most likely a mixture of two things: one, even if Hermione didn't like Ron as more than a friend, it's clear that she wouldn't think highly of a girl like Fleur, and Fleur kissing Hermione's friend would probably get Hermione mad. But for Hermione to be "furious" would say that she probably has feelings for him deeper than friendship.

She calls Ron an idiot for staring at a Veela, which again, probably doesn't mean much to the relationship idea, but if it does, it's a longshot.

When Ron finds out that Krum invited Hermione to visit him over the summer, Ron can't get over it, and he keeps asking her what she said, totally ignoring the Rita Skeeter incident.

Finally, when Ron says goodbye to Fleur, Hermione "scowled". As I said before, it could be either not liking Fleur, or jealousy.

So, where do I believe this is going? I don't think there should be any doubt in anyone's mind that Ron likes Hermione, and Hermione likes Ron (probably for a bit longer than he liked her, I think, because of that "it took you three years to notice" comment). I don't, however, know what will come of it. I think we'll be finding a relationship blossoming in the fifth book, but whether or not it will last is up in the air. My guess is that they'll get together in book five, break up, and get back together before the end of their seventh year. So I guess, to answer the title, I say, "Hermione and Ron: Romance."

Thanks again for all your continued support. I look forward to making this summer a great one on Mugglenet. Take care of yourselves, and see you on Sunday!

5/27/2003

Sinking "Ship": What Happened to The Boy Who Lived?



But lately, I swear, nightmare dreams
are welling in me
and this ship is troubled
all because this ship we're on is sinking...
Any DMB fans out there? If you are, you will recognize those words from the intro to "Two Step"…and oddly enough, I get to quote my favorite band when talking about my favorite books today. For any of you who read my last column, I'm willing to bet that you know where I'm going with this. But we'll get to that in a minute.

First and foremost, let's discuss a little something about last week. I made a joke about women in my last column, and for anyone who was offended, I'm sorry that you can't take a joke. No, really, I'm sorry if I hurt you. However, there is one person I'm not sorry to…that person's name is Stephanie. Let's have a look at what Stephanie thought of my column, shall we?


Hello,
I'd just like to write and tell you I was thoroughly disappointed with your article on Mugglenet, "Ron and Hermione - Romance, or No Chance?" First of all, I was just wondering how old you are? Not an insult, just wondering. Second, before you criticize women and how "confusing" we are, maybe you should get to know every single woman in the universe. Not every woman is like that. I don't care if it's a joke...you don't put stupid things like that in an article. It's very unprofessional.
Third, if you DID know about women at all, or even understood what was going on with Ron and Hermione in the Harry Potter books, you wouldn't have commented on the "common room" scene the way you did. You assume that Ron must have said something about wanting to go out with Hermione, but that is clearly not the case. Hermione said "Well, do you know what the solution is?" and that it was that Ron should ask her first next time and not last.
The reason Hermione said that is because she picked up on the fact that Ron was jealous that she went with Krum and she pointed it out. How could she not know by the way Ron was acting? Ron hung his mouth open was because he was shocked that she perceived it and it seems to me that proves he must not have said anything about wanting to take her. See, women pick up on these clues, even if men don't. Try being a woman sometime...you men are just as confusing, if not worse. Please do not criticize my gender in any more of your articles. It is offensive, and sexist.
Sincerely,
Stephanie
Since most of you found my analytical style to be quite interesting and fun, and realized it was a joke, let's see how analytical and methodical I can be with sweet little Stephanie's email.
I'm 20 years old, miss, and before you say that I'm wrong, why don't YOU get to know every single woman on earth? For instance, to quote Melody, a Gryffindor Tower reader, "Girls are confusing. So don't bother trying to understand them. The reason why we are so dang confusing is because we ourselves are on an emotion roller coaster, full with unexpected twist and turns. So what we think is obvious, (such as flirting) it isn't to guys, and we girls can make mistakes." I didn't get many emails about that comment I made, but the ones I did get were in total agreement, even though I was just JOKING. Apparently Stephanie wouldn't know a joke if it danced naked in front of her in Dobby's tea cozy. And to say it's unprofessional? Many famous journalists, like Dave Barry (a syndicated Miami Herald writer) make a living off of making jokes in newspapers, often directed at women. Please do not try and tell me what is professional and what is not. Try being a woman? No thanks, I like a healthy breeze round my privates. You go get your own column, then you can write what you want. We'll call it S.P.E.W.- The Society of Pompous Enervating Women (slogan: who needs fun?).

To the rest of you, I'm sorry if I did offend you, and I hope you can bear my style of wit. If not, feel free to drop me an email, although I hope you can be a little nicer about it than poor Stephanie was (don't worry Steph, I still love you!).

On to the topic at hand. Relationships. Ships. Shippers. I didn't even know what these were until after my last column went up. But as I have found out, there is something harboring on war between the Ron-Hermione Ship and the Harry-Hermione Ship. A lot of people asked me to do a piece on Harry and Hermione. That's cool, and here's my opinion on it:

First, if Harry gets with Hermione, I'll be happy. If Ron gets with Hermione, I'll be happy. I honestly don't care, because I like all three of them, and both Ron and Harry, in my opinion, would be cool as a boyfriend to Hermione. However, unlike the Ron-Hermione relationship, there is definitive evidence to say Harry does not like Hermione.

In an interview, JK said that Harry and Hermione are platonic. Ok, you may say that you want more. Well, here's my piece of evidence that I believe kills the chance of Harry currently liking Hermione: look at Goblet of Fire. When Harry talks about what it is like to be arguing with Ron, he discusses his relationship with Hermione. I don't have the book in front of me, but it's something like "it's a lot less enjoyable…more time in the library", and he more or less admits that he doesn't like hanging out with just Hermione. Hmm…if they were dating, they'd have to be hanging out alone…doesn't seem like young Harry likes that idea too much. However, look at all the tension between Ron and Hermione!

When Harry-Hermione shippers emailed me, I swear, they sat around a table beforehand planning what they'd say to me, because they all talked about the same two things. First, at the Quidditch World Cup, Hermione pulled Harry back into his seat when he was staring at the veela. I would like to make a point. If I were in a seat that high, and my friend was about to do a double backflip off the railing, I WOULD PULL HER DOWN TOO! (Emerson's note: Haha, that's very true! This is how I tend to view most "evidence" supporting the H/Hr ship.) But it doesn't mean, in any way, that I want to get into her pants. I, like Hermione, kinda like having my best friend around to hang out with.

The other thing people told me about was the kiss. You all know it. The big kiss at the end of Goblet of Fire. Guys…it's a kiss on the cheek, from a girl who obviously is mature enough to show affection towards her best friend. And another thing that people forget…another reason why she may have kissed him…HE ALMOST DIED! How soon we forget that important little detail!

In the recent chat with Galadriel Waters, the author of The Ultimate Unofficial Guide to the Mysteries of Harry Potter, Waters said that she believes Ron and Hermione, after the argument in book four in the common room, will get together. Moreover, when asked about the kiss, and whether it was a red herring or it actually meant something, here's what Waters had to say: "Yeah... red herring, I'm afraid. Hermione and Ron have shown the jealousy that definitely comes with caring about another person more than they're willing to admit, while Harry doesn't really display any latent interest in Hermione that we can see." Funny how, even though I've never read that book, I said the same thing in my last column.

The bottom line is this. It doesn't matter what you or I think will happen. What will come, will come, and we will face it when it does. It's perfectly acceptable to discuss -- even argue -- over our theories. But the way that some shippers do it is appalling. This story, in the end, isn't about who's kissing who, it's about overcoming the temptation of evil; not submitting to what is easy, fighting for what is right, and, above all, the boy who lived. Like I said before, if Harry or Ron gets with Hermione, I'd be happy. I would also like to see Harry get with Ginny; I would like to see Hermione date Krum; and I would like to see Ron get a chance with Fleur. The thing that kills me is that, throughout all of the discussion about book five, Ron and Hermione versus Harry and Hermione is more discussed than anything. (Em's note: I would assume that's because the online fandom is primarily made up of teenagers!) Did we all forget about Voldemort? Yeah, he's back, and if I had to live looking like a disfigured baby hippogriff for the last fourteen years, you bet your butt I'd be pretty upset. What about Sirius? Any moment now a dementor could be sucking his soul out worse than a ten-dollar prostitute. What about Snape? He's going to be risking his life to once again take down Voldemort, and with a nose like that, you can guess how hard it's gonna be to lay low. What's goin on with Lily? What's the news about her? What about Remus? How will students cope with Cedric's death? Who's gonna die next?

People, people, the whole point of getting involved in the Harry Potter community is to get closer, not to fade apart. Let's tone down this war, because in the end, if we don't, we're all gonna be on a sinking ship: the Harry-Ron-Hermione-Dumbledore-Lupin-Sirius-Snape-Draco-Seamus-Dean-Neville-every-other-character-in-the-world-of-Harry-Potter ship. Let's not let that happen. Can't we all just get along?

As always, thanks again for reading. I must ask a favor of you all. My Hotmail account is about to explode, and as I don't feel like dealing with the Microsoft Nazis. I ask you to, from now on, direct your emails here. And while you're at it, I may as well tell you what my next topic will be: Harry Potter and the Crazy Radical Christians. If you guys have any comments about the views by some Christians that you'd like put into my column, feel free to email them to me. Take care, and see you next Sunday!

6/01/2003

Fantasty vs. Reality: Why Harry Potter is Good for Christians


(Disclaimer: if you have ever been called simple, traditional, status quo, close-minded, or a narrow-minded, foolish zealot dingbat, stop reading this right now, and go read about the Crusades.)


To Do List:
8:00 a.m. Wake up, shower
9:00 a.m. Go to grocery store, buy oregano
10:30 a.m. Kidnap next door neighbor’s newborn baby
10:45 a.m. Boil next door neighbor’s newborn baby (don’t forget to add oregano)
11:00 a.m. Finish newborn stew, sell it to local gang members
12:00 p.m. Go to noon mass; frequently interrupt sermon with outbursts containing words like “douchebag”
1:30 p.m. Lunch
2:30 p.m. Make voodoo doll of brother. Buy lots of pins.
5:00 p.m. Walk through downtown, randomly punching people in the face and/or setting them on fire.
7:00 p.m. Dinner
8:00 p.m. Sacrifice stray cat in front of local mosque
9:00 p.m. Go to woods to participate in satanic rituals
10:00 p.m. Read Harry Potter to get more ideas on how to be an atheistic hellion
11:00 p.m. As I fall asleep, realize that, in all actuality, Harry Potter has never made me question my faith, and acknowledge that this list is ALMOST as ridiculous as the accusations made by many Christians about what Harry Potter is really about
Now, before I even get started, let me say that I fully accept the fact that, tomorrow morning, a group of nonviolent Christians will be waiting next to my car to beat the living hell out of me. That’s ok. I accept whatever backlash I’m gonna get for this.

As we all know, many Christians have taken aim at Harry Potter, as many of the emails I’ve received have pointed out, because The Boy Who Lived is extremely popular, it must be sacrilegious. First, let me say that, as many of you seemed worried that I was going to rip your religious background, I myself am a Roman Catholic, I go to a Jesuit university (nickname: Stormtroopers of Christ), and I am well aware that not all Christians are against HP. This is for those who are. Just so we’re clear, I will be offering excerpts from various Internet articles on the Christian view of HP, as well as my analysis. Let’s see if we can’t break some ground here.

From Harry Potter and the Antichrist, Joseph Chambers says:


“The mystery of the Antichrist is using the many and varied forms of divination and witchcraft to prepare the world for the coming “mastermind.” This mastermind will possess a level of divination powers never before manifest. He will become the “god” of this earth for a short season. The Harry Potter series is a giant step in this scary direction…The Harry Potter book reveals a very enlightening picture of the coming days for those “left behind” after the Rapture of the saints…It is Satan’s day to say the least…”

Riiiiggghhhttt…looks like SOMEBODY is scared of the coming of the demons…maybe questioning his own faith? Come on dude, look at what you’re saying! Did you go this crazy on Lord of the Rings? The Chronicles of Narnia? This clearly isn’t as brutal and bloody as LotR…I can’t even say anything more yet…I’m in shock.
Further on, Chambers says, “It all began on a train ride in which the whole idea just dropped in Rowling’s head. The very manner in which the series came to her would suggest ‘spirit influence.’ It started with Harry, then all these characters and situations came flooding into my head.” Her description of herself certainly suggests a person open to “inspirations” from mystical influences. She said, ‘I have a very visual imagination. I see it, then I try to describe what is in my mind’s eye.’ Such language sounds familiar to the world of the occult.” Dude…you kidding me? It’s not occult, it’s not “spiritual influence”, it is called IMAGINATION. “[Harry is at Hogwarts] to learn how to be a successful witch as his father and mother were before their death by the ultimate evil person, Lord Voldemort.” Right, so Voldemort could actually represent Satan, making Harry represent…wait…wait for it…THE FORCE OF GOOD! Wow, I surprise even myself sometimes. “Wormwood contains thujone, a hypnotic drug, which is banned by the FDA, and wormwood is used to make Absinthe, a hallucinogenic liqueur.” First off, I didn’t even know wormwood was real. And even so, Rowling never says that they actually ingest it, it’s simply something they use. My best friend John uses a chemical called phenol in his college Chem class, which can be fatal even to the touch. Just as Harry must use certain things in his potions class (which, by the way, is way more like a Chem class than anything Wiccan, because the “magic” comes from correct procedure, and they have NEVER had to utter incantations during the mixing of any of their potions), so does my friend John. Doesn’t mean either of them are drug addicts.

He goes on to astrology. “The entire idea of astrology is that we get our direction from the heavenly bodies and their alignments with each other. Nothing connects to sorcery more directly than this idea.” He of course refers to the encounter in Book One between Harry, Bane, Ronan, and Firenze. If you noticed, Mr. Chambers, Firenze actually goes “against the stars” to show Harry that his destiny is NOT controlled by astrological foresight. Again, you offer only half-truths.

He makes this too easy:


“‘There is no good and evil, there is only power…’ The latest book in the Harry Potter series and the “Goblet of Fire” makes Lord Voldemort the main character of the first chapter. I read the first chapter as it appeared in the Newsweek magazine (July 17, 2000). This dark character kills the keeper at ‘The Riddle House’ with nothing but a stare. He has a gigantic snake as a talking key associate. It is almost impossible not to see the glorification of the devil in this key character, Voldemort.”
First off, Voldemort, Mr. Evil Bastard himself, speaks that quote about power. He’s the bad guy. Kids don’t listen to the bad guy. Next, Voldemort is NOT the main character in Chapter One of GoF! The “Tom Riddle” they speak of is Voldemort’s father, not Voldemort himself. Again, try READING THE FRIGGIN BOOK. He also doesn’t kill Frank Bryce, the keeper of the house, with a stare, he kills him with a spell, which of course represents EVIL. Read the book, moron. You are right about the REPRESENTATION of Satan in the Voldemort, but not a glorification.

Chambers attacks the quote, “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” See, son, that doesn’t mean anything at all. That could be talking about eternal life with the Lord in Heaven. See, again, you only get what you want out of things. Try understanding. I know it’s asking a lot, but try.


“Our world continues to look for a hero. Most of today’s citizens have rejected every great hero of the past. The name of Jesus is so hated that it is politically incorrect to ever pray publicly in His name. Our Supreme Court is determined alone with much of the liberal world to make the mention of His name unacceptable.”
Yes, it is incorrect to FORCE people to pray to Jesus. Everyone on this earth is entitled to their beliefs. And the Supreme Court, albeit a little radical on their own side, still has the duty to uphold everyone’s right to belief. You sit here, Mr. Chambers, and mock non-Christians, fans of Harry Potter, and I’m sure gays too. How soon you forget what the Bible teaches you: “Do not judge, so as not to be judged. For by the judgment that you judge, you shall be judged, and by the measure that you measure, you shall be measured” (Matt 7:1-2). Apparently that teaching means nothing to you.

(Here, Dan typed a good 5 paragraphs tearing apart a review of the first HP movie posted by a religious zealot. It was great, it really was. What Dan didn't know was that the whole review was satire, so it basically cancelled out his analysis. Poor Dan. -Emerson)


Ok. Now that that’s done, let’s be realistic for a minute. Harry Potter and his friends are not, in any way, shape, or form, sacrilegious, blasphemous, or precursors to the coming of Satan. First, as many GT readers pointed out, they celebrate Christmas and Easter. If Rowling was trying to bash Christianity, she would have excluded those two holidays.

The true test of any story is the themes involved. What are the themes of the Harry Potter books? Well, to anyone who has half a brain (and anyone who actually has READ them before criticizing), Harry Potter promotes love, friendship, kindness, and the willingness to fight against evil, no matter how daunting or impossible the odds seem. Strangely enough, another book comes to mind that shares those same themes. Anyone know what book that is? If you guessed the Bible, you’re right.

Now, let’s take into account that the Vatican, the highest order of Catholic faith, has OK’ed the Harry Potter books, and actually promotes them. Check out this article on BBC Online. Father Peter Fleetwood, a spokesman for the Vatican, said at a press conference, “I don't think there's anyone in this room who grew up without fairies, magic and angels in their imaginary world…[JK Rowling is] Christian by conviction, is Christian in her mode of living, [and is Christian] even in her way of writing.” The books are fantasy, written to easily show the very confused things that happen in our society in a more enjoyable way, so that the reader can more easily distinguish good from evil. In life, it’s not always easy to tell if someone is a good person, and it makes life difficult when one wants to put trust in another. But in, for instance, Harry Potter, take an overtly horrible person like Voldemort or Peter Pettigrew, and we know that our trust shouldn’t go there.

The biggest thing to remember, however, is this: Harry Potter is about good fighting evil. In this article from the National Catholic Reporter Online, The US Bishops’ Reviewer said “Harry Potter is so obviously innocuous fantasy that its fiction is easily distinguishable from real life. Harry uses his ‘magical powers’ for good to fight evil.” An MSN report concurs, citing Father Fleetwood saying “[The Harry Potter Books] aren’t bad. They aren’t serving as a banner for an anti-Christian ideology. If I have understood well the intentions of Harry Potter’s author, they help children to see the difference between good and evil. And she is very clear on this.” There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind: if anyone is getting any anti-religious ideas from Harry Potter, those ideas were there long before Harry Potter was.

So what’s left? Only one thing, and this has bugged me for years. Why is it wrong, in Christians’ minds, to have an imagination? As Matt Tarrant pointed out in his MuggleNet editorial, “Harry Potter and the Radical Christians”,


”Yes, a child may innocently say to his or her parents: ‘I want to be a Wizard.’ or ‘I want to play Quidditch.’ In my day I wanted to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but by the miracle of puberty and early adulthood (not to mention a better understanding of genetics) I had grown out of that phase. My point being, that young people today may well like to imagine themselves living in Harry's world, casting their spells and pretending to fight evil. It's a phase, which they will go through, but I hardly think they will grow into adulthood with pointy hats, a wand and a tendency to curse the boss with boils or turn people into ferrets.”

Mr. Tarrant is totally right, and you should all read his editorial. I also encourage you all to read the newest editorial, by Father Abraham Arganiosa, which can be found here. Both are wonderful reads, and surely complement those Christians who defend Harry Potter.
I can’t really go anymore. This is it. If you really still want to say that Harry Potter is bad, then go for it. But trust me, if I could write a Harry Potter book, it would be called Harry Potter and Why I’m Not Going To Hell For Loving Him! Thank you all for reading, and I hope you all enjoyed my two cents on what, as a Christian, Harry Potter means to me.

Just a quick note. I write my columns by Sunday, but they may not always be up on Sunday. If they are delayed till Monday, please don’t hate me, as I am not a webmaster of MuggleNet, and have no way of posting my columns. (My fault! -Emerson)

As my next column will be the last one before the release of Order of the Phoenix, I will tell you now that my next column will simply be about my personal predictions for book five. I will offer my predictions on a number of topics, including: Snape’s role in Dumbledore’s plans, what role the Dursleys will play, Dumbledore’s now-famous “glint of triumph”, Voldemort’s plans, Fudge’s actions, and, of course, who will die in book five. If there are any topics at all that you would like me to address, as far as predictions go, feel free to email me here. Take care of yourself, and see y’all next Sunday!

6/11/2003

OotP: Order of the Predictions

POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! (even though I’m probably wrong about all of this)
Welcome to the last Gryffindor Tower before the release of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. With less than a week to go, I’m sure that the tension is almost unbearable for all of us. As I said last week, this column will be about my predictions on what will happen in OotP. But before I do that, there is something I’d like to say very quickly.

If you haven’t noticed, I am no longer the only columnist on MuggleNet. I have been joined by Josh Smith, a journalism student at UMass Amherst, and his column, The Pensieve. This week he explores the reason why we are fortunate to be living in the best time to be HP fans. It’s a great read, and I hope that you all give him the same love you’ve given me. As for myself, I just want to welcome you, Josh, and I know that you’ll do a great job for MuggleNet. Good luck!

One more quick thing. If any of you live in Northeastern PA, I really need your help. I am running the Dickson City Borders HP5 Release Party this Friday night, and I need volunteers to help run events with the kids. If you could help in any way, contact me here. Thanks!

And now to the topic at hand. Just so you all know, I have never seen a copy of OotP, nor do I have any more info than the next HP fan. These are simply my answers to the topics brought up by you, the readers. And I must thank you all for emailing me with the topics you’d like me to discuss. Each one will also have a level of confidence percentage after it, marking how likely I think it is to happen. First, I’d like to address all of the topics you guys have asked me about.

MikeOP asked, “If you would be able to, I would like you to be able help shed light on the importance of Harry's eyes, and everyone else's eyes. Lily had green eyes and Voldemort had green eyes.” Well Mike, as far as everyone else’s eyes, I haven’t given it much thought. And I’m almost positive that Riddle had green eyes, but I’m not sure. But if you’re right, then here’s my prediction: Lily is an heir of Slytherin, making Harry the heir of Slytherin.
Level of Confidence: 50%

Kim wrote to me, asking a lot of questions. She asked me about the circulating theory about Snape being a vampire; she asked me what I think Ginny Weasley's "larger part" will be…romance with Harry…act of bravery…something else; since Lupin will be back, do I think that Pettigrew will try to kill him with his silver hand; what my theory is on Mrs. Figg; and finally, what role will the real Mad-Eye Moody play in book five. Well Kim, I think that if Snape is a vampire, then it’s gonna create a world of trouble. After all, he leaked out the information about Lupin being a werewolf, which made Lupin leave. If Snape is a vampire, you’d think that somebody who went to school with him, like Lupin or Sirius, would have told Harry. I have heard all the arguments, but I don’t think he’s a vampire. Ginny Weasley will probably play a larger part in one of two ways: if Mrs. Weasley is the one to get the axe, then Ginny will probably have to become much more independent, probably helping Harry and friends in their fight against Lord Voldemort. Pettigrew, in my opinion, will try to kill Lupin in any way possible! He’s a crazy fool, but I think we need to remember that one, he owes a life debt to Harry, and two, as Pettigrew’s blood now flows through Voldemort (the blood of the man who is in Harry’s debt), what will that mean for Voldemort? Arabella Figg will probably be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and will probably let us in on Lily’s life before Harry was born. And for Moody? I have absolutely no idea, unless he teaches the kids how to hunt down Dark Wizards (á la an Auror). Level of Confidence: 60%

Elaine K. asked me why Voldemort killed Lily and James Potter. Here’s my guess: first, we know that Lily didn’t have to die. Why not? I have two ideas, either or both of which may be true. Lily may have had a romantic fling with Tom Riddle before he became Voldemort (I know the age thing seems crazy, but it could have happened), and/or she may have been a Death Eater. But why did James HAVE to die? I think he was the second last heir of Godric Gryffindor, making Harry the last. If so, and you take my idea from above, then I am saying that Harry is the heir of both Slytherin and Gryffindor. Yes, that is what I’m saying. Level of Confidence (in Harry and James being Heir of Gryffindor): 85%. Level of Confidence (in Harry being Heir to both): 60%

Anosheh asked me what role Sirius and Lupin will play in book five. My guess on those two is that they will be leading the hidden movement against Voldemort from outside Hogwarts. Remember, the Ministry of Magic cannot find out that there are any movements being led against their actions, i.e. Dumbledore’s attempts to rid Azkaban of the dementors, to reach out to the giants, etc. On a similar level, I really hope that we see Arthur Weasley get to the top of the Ministry of Magic. Level of Confidence: 70%

BSheeley asked me who I believe the new Gryffindor Quidditch Captain will be. That’s a good question. Fred and George are possible, but picking one would create a rift, which I just can’t see happening. I’m not even sure if Angelina, Katie, and Alicia are still there, but I think they are, and if I had to pick one, I’d say Angelina. Harry would be a good captain, but technically he’d only have three years experience (as there was no Quidditch in year four), so my guess would have to be Angelina. Level of Confidence: 30%

Bobby said to me, “A topic I think you should use for the next article is Percy's role in the future. The Weasley's are obviously going with Dumbledore and "against" Fudge... I personally feel Percy will never stand for that…he will betray his family in order to keep his name secure.” Melvin also asked a similar question. I agree with both of them. Can you say Barty Crouch? Melvin even pointed out something that I, and I’m sure many of you, noticed. When Hermione says that Percy would never throw any of his family to the dementors like Barty Crouch did, Ron says that he doesn’t know, and that Percy is really ambitious. I think that Percy will cause many more problems than what he’s worth, but I also see him coming around in the end. However, if Mrs. Weasley is to die, I definitely see Percy as the main cause. Level of Confidence: 55%

Hannah C. asked me about the role of Susan Bones in future books, pointing out that Hagrid mentioned how the Bones family was one of those families killed by Voldemort. Also, think about it, Steve Kloves put her into the movies for a reason…what reason, though? Here’s my opinion…she’s probably an orphan…maybe she’ll start to have feelings for and get together with another orphan whose parents were killed by Voldemort…Level of Confidence: 70%

LilyFan asked me about the theory that James and Lupin switched bodies before James was killed. My problem with this is that, I’m not sure if I want it to happen or not, so to have an opinion is very strange indeed. Lupin does act a strange way when Harry mentions his father, but if my best friend died, and I was talking to his son, I’d act the same way. I honestly don’t know about this, and I have no level of confidence.

Rachel asked me how Fudge’s decision will affect the outcome of book five. This leads me to one of my theories. First, Fudge was a royal jerk to Harry at the end of book four, nothing like how he acted to him previously. This can be for one of two reasons. One, the thought of his political standing is scaring him so much that he’s become a jerk, or two, Fudge is dead, and this Fudge is an imposter. Level of Confidence: 60%

Sammie wrote to me, “I would like you to touch on what will happen to Rita Skeeter with her new knowledge of Sirius and her knowledge of what else happened in the hospital wing. Or what will Hermione do with her.” If I wasn’t so much against killing, I would say that I hope Hermione squashes her like a bug (no pun intended). However, I think that Skeeter will definitely go public with Sirius being alive. Level of Confidence: 45%

Rachel G had a few questions for me. First, she wanted to know who the three people on the OotP promotional sticker is. Second, she asked why Dumbledore didn’t want Harry to go to the Weasleys’ right away. Third, she wants to know who I think will side with Dumbledore, and who will side with Fudge. Fourth, she asked me about the now-famous audio excerpt that I’m sure you’ve all read. And finally, what will Dumbledore tell Harry. Well, I think that one of the people in the OotP sticker is definitely the real Moody. The other two, I think the kid may be Ron, and as for the other adult, either Lupin or Gilderoy Lockhart. I think that Dumbledore wanted Harry to stay at Privet Drive because, as Voldemort told the Death Eaters at the end of GoF, Harry was protected there by magic. At the Burrow, Voldemort could just come and kill him. Hmm…who will separate in the “Parting of the Ways”…my guess is that all former Death Eaters and Dark Wizards will go with Fudge, knowing that he is either too incompetent to rival Voldemort, or as I said above, he’s dead and this imposter is a servant of Voldemort. As for the excerpt, I’ll address that later on. And finally, as for what Dumbledore will tell Harry, I think that it will be much more to speculate, but will include any of the heirs that he may possibly be. Level of Confidence: 65%

Finally, Nick asks me what will happen if any of the trio are made prefects. I think that Hermione has a great shot at becoming a prefect, but Harry doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell, in my opinion. Level of Confidence: 70%

I also have a few theories of my own. The biggest one that people have asked me, of course, is the death. Here are my ideas. First, it’s obvious that Hagrid and Mrs. Weasley are the forerunners, with Colin, Neville, Dumbledore, and others behind him. Hagrid seems most likely, because of Robbie Coltrane’s recent comments about his character in the movies, and Mrs. Weasley seems second most likely. However, I have two other theories. First, Snape. I should tell you all, I love Snape. He’s one of my favorite characters. Snape has, in my opinion, treated Harry badly since he first met him for his own safety. I think he really likes Harry, or at least, definitely doesn’t hate him as anything more than a troublesome student. Think about it…Snape’s been in contact with Lucius and has Draco in his class, so he always has to be mean to him. But why? In my opinion, Lucius doesn’t know that Snape was a spy for Dumbledore, and Snape is trying to act like he’ll be ready to go back to the Death Eaters. It’s a dangerous job, and I think Snape may kick the bucket. Second…I’ve heard that JK Rowling said that this would be a horrible death to “rewrite”…which opens up a lot of possibilities. Fudge, if he’s dead, the recollection of the Potters’ deaths, etc. Or the death of Moaning Myrtle. I’m sure that I just raised a lot of eyebrows just there, but don’t worry, I’m getting to my Myrtle theory.

The audio excerpt has caused a lot of waves for all of us, of course, and here’s my guess. Dementors showed up at Privet Drive, Harry cast a Patronus, got a letter from the Ministry saying he had an expulsion trial for breaking the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Sorcery. As for where they are…hmm…maybe it’s an old Dark Wizard’s house that the Weasleys are using as headquarters for Arthur and those sympathetic to Dumbledore and against Voldemort. Level of Confidence: 65%

Ok, my Moaning Myrtle theory. Here’s what I think: the Evans family, all Muggle, had a daughter named Myrtle, who was invited to attend Hogwarts. She died there, and the parents, distraught, didn’t have another child for many years…until they had two more daughters, Lily and Petunia. All three daughters, of course, were named after flowers, and it seems that only two were witches…or were all three? For Lily to be descendent of Slytherin when her parents were Muggles would be very hard…unless there was a long line of Squibs before Lily, Petunia, and Myrtle. I really don’t know if this is right, but I hope so.

Thank you all, as always, for reading. Just to be safe, since I don’t know if every one of you will have or finish OotP by next Sunday, my column next week will be quite lighthearted, just about what happened when I will have run the Borders Release Party. That being said, take care of yourselves, and see you next Sunday.

Oh yeah. One more thing, and I truly mean this from the bottom of my heart. For everyone who will be doing what I’ll be doing in less than a week, I really hope you all enjoy the newest addition to the world of Harry Potter, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Have fun with it guys, and I hope it’s all that you expected, and more.

6/15/2003

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix -- My Thoughts


(Disclaimer: the following contains many Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix spoilers. Do not read ahead if you haven't finished the book.)

The following is from The Toronto Star:


Sirius Black: Noble wizard slain in battle
The Ministry of Magic is saddened to announce the death of Sirius Black, a ranking wizard who was godfather to Harry Potter, the famous Boy Who Lived.

Mr. Black was slain in battle between the Order of the Phoenix, the secret organization that has been recently revived to oppose the return of You-Know-Who, and a squad of Death Eaters inside the Ministry of Magic headquarters.

Previously Mr. Black, a graduate of Hogwarts, had been sought in an intensive manhunt after his escape, two years previous, from Azkaban - the only inmate ever to escape the prison and its Dementor guards.

Mr. Black had been wrongly convicted 12 years ago, the ministry can now reveal, for the mass murder of 12 muggles and one wizard during You-Know-Who's first reign of terror.

"No wizard has done more to oppose evil and the dark arts," said Hogwart's headmaster Albus Dumbledore. "He shall be greatly missed."

Mr. Black, it can also now be revealed, was an Animagus whose shape-shifting talents helped him avoid recapture.

Of course, I couldn't start with anything but that. One of my favorite characters, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that, has been lost to the cause against Lord Voldemort. I won't say anything else about it now.

As I'm sure you've all read on the main page, I chose not to write last week, as it was only one day after OotP came out. Now, I'm sure most of you have finished the book, so I would like to offer my review of the latest installment in JK Rowling's stories about the Boy Who Lived. After thinking for awhile about it, I decided that I would be breaking down my next few columns like this: each week I will review ten chapters of OotP in detail, pointing out many of the possible plotlines and events of books six and seven. You are all more than welcome to email me any predictions you have about books six and seven, but I must ask you to please offer predictions that are grounded only in book five, and may also be supported by evidence in books one through four. This column will offer my overall review of the book.

First, I must say, overall, OotP was my favorite Harry Potter book thus far. That's not to say that it has blown the other four out of the water for me, but I must admit, OotP was my favorite. One thing that makes it so is the fact that I have related to Harry in this book much better than previously. I have noticed alot of negative comments from people on Harry's attitude in book five, and I have also noticed that many of them are younger people offering these appraisals. What I must point out is that many fifteen year old kids and younger have never been through what Harry has. That is not to say that no one has, but I notice that alot of the kids who emailed me about Harry's attitude are younger, so many of them have not had the life experiences that make someone as cynical and angry as Harry has become. Suffering many personal losses myself, many of whom were as close in relationship to me as one can get, I see only myself in Harry, and I'm sure many of the older readers (as well as some younger readers) can concur.

Harry faced alot at the end of his fourth year, and the one thing he wanted, answers, he couldn't get. Granted, he had even more questions by the time he got to Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place (like Arabella Figg being a Squib, Aunt Petunia knowing what dementors are, Aunt Petunia getting a Howler, his possible expulsion, the color of his socks, his hormones, the state of the stock market, the price of bread, etc.). I found this book to be an amazing addition to the Harry Potter stories, and I especially loved many of the events of this book: Fred and George's farewell to Hogwarts, Firenze being hired by Dumbledore, Ron and Ginny leading the Quidditch team to the Cup, and of course, the battle at the end. Many characters, like Neville and Ginny, really came into their own in this book, and it seemed that there was a surprise every few pages.

The party I ran at Borders was a complete success. Even though we surpassed 1000 guests, we were able to run a great event that kept everyone entertained well past midnight.

The most important thing about getting this book, for me, was a clear reminder of why I love Harry Potter and the world that JK Rowling has so skillfully and masterfully created. Harry's newfound angst, a clear and reasonable example of what he's been through in the past four years, tells me one thing and one thing only: Harry Potter is the most remarkable normal guy ever. He is this amazing, famous person, who just wants to hang out with his friends, who hates being objectified and exploited, and who, in his moment of greatest loss, does what anyone at his age (or older, for that matter) would do: breaks down. Actually, he tore apart Dumbledore's office in a maddened, insane range and, in all likelihood, probably could have ripped out Dumbledore's larynx via his armpit had he felt so inclined. But it's not exactly abnormal, which again, is what makes JK Rowling that much better than other writers: her characters are never larger than life, they are you and I, simple yet complex, angry yet kind, scared yet courageous, and, of course, characters that we will always love.

I must impress upon you all my extreme disappointment in some Harry Potter fans over the last few weeks. In the week leading up to June 21st, a few "lucky" fans who got early copies of the book decided to ruin some surprises on the staff and webmasters of various HP sites. Fortunately, the biggest thing that I got out of spoilers was that Ron was the new prefect, and although I would have liked to read that, it wasn't as bad as some. Emerson even got a scan of the page that Sirius died in an email...it's absolutely ridiculous. I was horribly offended by that, and I hope that it will not be so when books six and seven come out.

Even though I have topics for the next few weeks, feel free to email me any ideas you guys have. I really hope you all enjoyed the book. And I am sorry that this wasn't more in-depth, but unfortunately, I have been running into a few problems that, just as in mid-March, require my attention. However, they aren't big, and my next column reviewing chapters one to ten will be much more in-depth. If you have any other questions about my personal feelings on the book, as always, email me. Peace!

7/1/2003

Gryffindor Tower - By the fans

I know that I promised you all a review of chapters one to ten this week, but as one of my friends now has my copy of OotP, I cannot do that. I must also tell you that I will be on vacation for the next two weekends, but rest assured, Emerson will have each of my next two columns before I go, and they will be up on each Sunday while I am away.
I thought awhile about how I would do this column, since I don't have my copy of OotP. Since I needed to put something up (mostly in fear of being bombarded with roughly four hundred and seventy two thousand emails on Monday morning), I came to the conclusion that this week, Gryffindor Tower would not be MY column, it would be YOUR column. So here are the three best predictions I've gotten from GT fans, and I will offer my own insight to each one. The first one is from Charles Russett.


Having re-read chapter 16 i feel that the bar man of the Hog's Head is probably Aberforth Dumbledore. This !is backed up by the following: 1:Harry thinks the old grey bearded man looks familiar. He recentley saw Aberforth in the picture shown to him by Moody of the original Order of the Pheonix. 2:It would be useful to have someone in the Hog's Head to glean news from people of a dodgy background. 3: Goats, In book 4 we here how that Aberforth was prosecuted for practising illegal charms on a goat. The hogs head smells strangely of something that could be goats. 4:His grumpy mannerisms suggest he doesnt really want to be running a bar, but could be there under orders. 5:He wipes glasses with a dirty cloth. Clearly his first priority is to listen to the customers' conversations 6: Dumbledore seems to know alot of what happened in the Hog's Head, perhaps Aberforth told him.
Well, I must say, this does make sense. We never learn exactly where Aberforth is, and as we have seen, Rowling never puts anything into the books that doesn't mean something. I would really like !to see where this one goes.

The next one is from Sana, and it's about Sirius.


I wonder if it is a coincidence that J.K.R. used a black dog as the symbol of death. She calls it "The Grim." We know that Sirius was the dog and furthur that he was what Harry thought to be the death omen. Is it a coincidence then, that Sirius' ancestral home is called "The Grim-mauld Place?" Should we have known that he (Sirius) would obviously be the one to die if we had seen the signs? Death was written all over the poor guy.
First, his home isn't called Grimmauld Place, but it is located at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. However, after that technicality, I guess that it does make sense. Again, we've learned that most things don't show up in the HP books without a reason...

Ok, I should tell you all that when I read this, I was in shock. This idea could go so many ways, but there has to be something about it. It's just WAY too much to be coincidental. This !one is from Adam Davidson.


As I reread the chapter of OotP when Harry enters Snape's pensieve, I noticed that while he was inside Snape's memory at Hogwarts, no one addressed Snape as either "Severus" or "Snape." Members of James's gang called him "Snivellus" or "Snivelly" every time. We didn't even see Snape's name on the top of his O.W.L. test. I also noticed that James called Lily "Evans," and did so many times. I began to wonder whether or not Snape was called Snape back when he was at Hogwarts. I remembered how Tom Marvolo Riddle used an anagram for his name when he sold out to the Dark Side, and I thought Snape, the former Death Eater, might have done the same. Imagine my shock and horror when I realized that the same letters used to spell "Severus Snape" can be used to spell "Perseus Evans." Now, Snape did call Lily a Mudblood, so they are probably not siblings...but perhaps half siblings, or cousins? I did some further research into the name Perseus and f!ound that there is a constellation named Perseus, and also that Perseus was a figure in Greek mythology most famous for the slaughter of Medusa (Bellatrix Lestrange??). I believe that this is much too coincidental not to have some merit, and we could possibly find out a whole lot more about Snape and his background in subsequent volumes of this series. I hope you've enjoyed my theory.
I definitely think it means something. I also did some research on Perseus, and I came up with a few other things. First, there was a prophecy surrounding him that he would kill his grandfather, which he did fulfill years later, albeit on accident (conflicting sources say it was either in a discus or javelin competition). Perseus was sent on a suicide mission by some dude named Polydectes, who was in love with Perseus's mom. The mission was to get the head of Medusa. Apparently the gods really liked Perseus, because they helped him alot, and he did defeat Medusa. He then mar!ried a girl named...get this...Andromeda. Now I'm almost positive that that name is in OotP. Again, I don't have my copy, but I seem to remember that it may be the name of Tonks' mom. Connection? Who knows? He killed Polydectes and his followers too (Voldemort? Dumbledore? Seems like both Albus and Voldemort have sent Snape on what seems to be "suicide missions"). He also killed Atlas, but I don't know what that could mean. Anyone at all who may have some insight onto this topic, email me here.

I wanted to touch on one more thing quickly. I will be discussing the veil in detail later on, but for now, as I have gotten loads of emails on it, here is what I think the veil is. The veil and the arch are a gateway between the living world and the nonliving world. Anyone who goes through it will die. So, you ask, why is it in the middle of the Department of Mysteries? Well, as Nearly Headle!ss Nick told us, because the Ministry of Magic and, more specifically, the Department of Mysteries' Unspeakables, are studying death. Why? Well, that I don't know, but I'm sure it will play some part later on.

I will also be recommending one independent fan site every week from now on, so that you can all help out fellow HP fans who don't exactly have the kind of numbers that MuggleNet, IHP, TLC, and the rest get. This week's is Twelve Grimmauld Place, which is kind of an interactive Hogwarts. Anyhoo, y'all take care of yourselves. I will try my best to answer emails after I'm gone (I'm leaving next Saturday morning), but I don't know how often I'll be able to get on a computer. Peace out, and see ya next Sunday!

7/7/2003

OotP Analysis -- Chapters 1-5


As promised, this week will start the reviews of OotP, as I will be dissecting those things in the book that could foreshadow certain events in the future books. I am also quite pleased to announce that this week will feature two new sections in Gryffindor Tower. They are the Gryffindor Tower Flick Pick, and Dan's Book Review. But more on those later. Time to look ahead to books six and seven through the pages of OotP. I must apologize, however. I had promised chapters one-ten...but after starting this, I realize that doing ten chapters will make these columns unspeakably long, as well as put a burden on myself which I cannot currently meet. So instead, I offer chapters one to five. Enjoy!

Chapter One-Dudley Demented

We see Harry in the introductory chapter of OotP fretting over the current state of the wizarding world. Lord Voldemort, the most feared Dark Wizard of the last century, has regained a body, and can now recommence his merciless reign of terror. The first big thing I found came right after Harry readied himself to fight whatever it was he thought he heard while laying in Aunt Petunia's flower garden. When Uncle Vernon wraps his hands around Harry's neck, an "invisible force" went through Harry, causing a pain in his scar, and surging through his Uncle. At first, this might seem like nothing important...after all, while Harry's at Privet Drive, he can't be harmed, right? Wrong. He can't be harmed by Voldemort while he's there, but anyone else can hurt him. So what happened? Well, I'll explain more in a minute.

We see Harry mentally begging Dudley and his friends to come over to him later in the chapter, hoping to pick a fight. Harry, picking a fight? Seems unreal, but many have just looked at it as Harry's newfound angst. I disagree. I see this, as well as ALL of his anger, playing a very vital role in the future books. What role? I honestly don't know, but don't be surprised if Harry's actions continue to become more reckless.

Next is the famous Mark Evans comment. Dudley beat up ten year old Mark Evans "two nights ago", as Harry points out. Rowling NEVER does stuff like this without reason. Harry's mom's maiden name is Evans...so what does it mean? Well, since Mark is currently ten years old, Harry may be having a new friend (or relative?) at school next year.

This goes back to my first point, about the surge that went through Harry. I wonder, how many of you have seen The Matrix Reloaded? Don't read the next lines if you haven't. In Reloaded, Neo is able to do superhuman things inside the Matrix. However, when attacked by robots outside of the Matrix, Neo is able to stop them...with a power that he should have only had in the Matrix. Ok, how does this relate to Harry? Well, Harry's wand is like the Matrix to Neo. Without it, he's only normal. Or we thought, at least. We see Harry yell Lumos, and his wand, which is on the ground, not in his hand. Does this mean anything? One reader (unfortunately I can't remember his/her name...sorry!) made a point to me...Harry may be "The One", in a sense...what if the fact that Harry has done somewhat controlled magic without a wand will mean something in the future? After all, Harry and Voldemort can't duel...Rowling has said that you need a wand to do strong spells, though...so who knows?

And finally, we are introduced to Arabella Figg and Mundungus Fletcher. Two kooky critters, they are.

Chapter Two-A Peck of Owls

Ok, Figg's a Squib, Fletcher's a crook, Harry's mad, Dudley's fat, Vernon has no neck, Petunia looks like a horse, the Stock Market is diving, my pet flobberworm has SARS, I'm constipated...err...wait a second. Forget that. Ok, so what's important in chapter two? Well, for starters, Harry gets expelled. Then unexpelled. Why? Because the government is trying to encroach on the school system, something that had been impossible, yet Fudge tries to do so. Again, why? Because the tension between Dumbledore and Fudge is growing. Even though, in the end, Fudge accepts Dumbledore's stance, it is clear that there will not be real progress until there is a new Minister of Magic...more importantly, and possibly one of the most important things about this book, is what we learn of Petunia, which seems like nothing significant at first, but will be. Petunia knows what dementors are. She claims to have heard James telling Lily about them before. Riiiggghhhttt...then she gets scared about Voldemort. Why? If it were up to Vernon, the police could just go arrest Voldemort. So why is Petunia so scared? Petunia then gets a Howler, and we don't know who it is from or what it means. But it does show that she has some contact in the wizarding world. If any of you believe for one minute that there's not something else here that we don't know yet, you're wrong.

Chapter Three-The Advance Guard

We meet alot of new people in chapter three-Nymphadora Tonks (one of my friends interpreted her first name in the horribly wrong way), Kingsley Shacklebolt, Mad-Eye Moody (the real one), Sturgis Podmore (who shares a name with the leader of the Headless Hunt, whose name eludes me, but I'm sure his last name was Podmore, and Nick called him Sir Properly-Decapitated Podmore), Dedalus Diggle (who we've met three times already), and a few other unimportant people.

One big thing I see in this chapter is Moody's caution. Tonks reprimands him a few times for it, but I have a feeling that Moody's unfaltering hesitation in all situations will prove most useful in the future.

Umm..yea...so that's all I see there...wow...if you're still reading this, I give you credit...

Chapter Four-Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place

I loved this chapter. It was nice to see Harry vent. Ok, so maybe he was a tad bit scary, and if he were my friend yelling at me like that, I would have told him to "curse this!" and shoved his wand up his...nevermind. Anyway, Harry explodes on Ron and Hermione, which proves useful, as they, along with Fred and George, tell them the little bit that they know about what has been going on.

Something that Fred said really caught me. "Time is Galleons, little brother" (pg 68 American). Having worked in the business realm for the past five years, the "time is money" cliche told me that these guys had some kind of really big plans in the retail world. Just what it was, I wasn't sure.

Ginny pointed out that Bill didn't like Snape. Why? Again, Rowling doesn't just throw things in for fun. Why say that?

Speaking of Bill, I wonder how Fleur is doing...I'm sure he's helping her with her English...maybe she's helping him on some of the more fine French customs...

And then we find out about Percy. I'll tell you, what a class act. Really did the right thing, turning his back on his family to push his own career. Or he's just a git. But this makes one wonder...now that the Ministry is aware of Voldemort's return, what will Percy do? Seeing Percy apologize is about as believable as seeing Snape and Draco singing in a Christmas pageant.

And as the chapter closes, Harry sees his godfather for the first time in a year. Ahh, happy day, it's so nice to know that Sirius and Harry will be able to be happy together forever...err...

Sirius's mom is dead, but there's a portrait of her at the OotP HQ. Hmm...there seems to be portraits of all the Blacks...maybe there's even one of Sirius himself...

The rest of chapter five is Harry asking questions about Voldemort, and the only foreshadowing in that is about Fudge's irrational Ministry and the need to shift power to someone more friendly to the Order.

As I have said, this week I am starting two new features. They will not always be weekly, because I may not go to the movies and/or read a book every week. But as I've done both more than once this week, allow me to offer these new parts of Gryffindor Tower.

The Gryffindor Tower Flick Pick this week is the new Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom adventure/comedy Pirates of the Caribbean-The Curse of the Black Pearl. I happened to go see this tonight, and I must say, what a wonderful movie. Johnny Depp plays the pirate Captain Jack Sparrow, a swashbuckler trying to get back on the ship that was stolen from him by Captain Barbossa (the always-enlightening Geoffrey Rush). But the real star of this movie is everyone's favorite elf, Orlando Bloom (Legolas from the LotR films) who plays William Turner, the orphaned son of a pirate who is the key to breaking the curse of the Black Pearl. Depp and Bloom make a hell of a team, and they play off each other quite well. The humor really surprised me; it was much funnier than I thought it would be. The action was superb. It's nice to see an adventure movie without kung fu once in a while, and seeing some old-fashioned swordfights really made the movie complete. Throw in the gorgeous Keira Knightley as the damsel in distress, and you have yourself one great movie. I was worried about going to see this. For one, I've been on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World about three hundred times, and I cannot see how anyone can make a movie out of it, but they sure as hell did. This is one of those flicks that really could have sucked majorly, but it is, at the least, a fun, exciting movie. And it is, at the most, the film that made me realize that I want to marry Keira Knightley.

The first Dan's Book Review is dedicated to a new bestseller, The Devil Wears Prada, by Laura Weisberger. I noticed an article in my local paper about a book written by a girl from the Northeastern Pennsylvania, which is where I am from. Apparently, it's number four on the New York Times Bestseller List, and is already being made into a movie. I decided that I should give it a try. The Devil Wears Pradais about Andrea Sachs, a right-out-of-college woman who wants to write for the New Yorker. She gets a job as the personal assistant to the most powerful woman in the fashion world, Miranda Priestly, editor-in-chief of Runway magazine. Although it's not exactly a job in writing, Andrea learns that one year with Miranda is a one-way ticket into any single profession a person could want. Miranda is looked at as a deity in the fashion world, and Andrea decides to take the chance. What she doesn't know is that Miranda is the boss from hell, and that the only way to get that recommendation is to survive a whole year under Miranda's thumb. The novel is an exquisite look at life in early adulthood: searching for a career; making the transition between college and the "real world"; relationships; friendships. This book is one of the funniest I've ever read, and the humor only adds to the rich quality of the story. I must warn you all: THIS BOOK IS NOT INTENDED FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF SEVENTEEN. It is not a kids' book, and trust me, if any of you thirteen year olds bring this book home, your parents will be knocking on my door in the middle of the night with a baseball bat.

While you're reading this, I'm lying on the sunny beaches of Fenwick Island, Delaware (although I can guarantee you that, with my luck, it's probably raining). You guys all have a great week, and I'll see ya when I get back next Saturday. Peace!

7/14/2003

Fowl Lies


For any of you who had problems finding my column last week, it is here. Also, check out this week's Pensieve, where Josh talks about what we learned in OotP. You can find this week's Pensieve here.

I haven't touched a Harry Potter book in two weeks. There. I said it. I actually tried reading OotP again, and two pages into it, I got anxious and closed it. Why, you ask? Well, because I had a pile of five books sitting in my room, waiting to be read, and to be honest, I couldn't wait to jump into them. But now that I have finished them, I have started my next task: reading all five HP books again. And since I have no other books waiting around, I was able to start the HP books again guilt-free. But this week's column, surprising as it may be, is not about Harry Potter.

Actually, it's not exactly about Harry Potter, but it revolves around the HP world. See, as you may well know, I spent the last week on vacation. My best friend's parents rented a beautiful three-story oceanfront beach house, and let me tell you, this was a dream house. It even had an elevator! And, wanting to become acquainted with every couch in the house (there were roughly fifty-six), I decided to spend this vacation relaxing with my favorite pasttime, besides writing: reading. So I went out and bought a few books, and that is where this story begins.

See, being a very serious HP fan, I try to read every newspaper and magazine article out there. And in many of them, I have seen references to two other sets of fantasy books that are considered HP rivals. One is Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials Trilogy, and the other are the Artemis Fowl books, by Eoin Colfer. I also noticed that mentioning either of these books in certain HP circles is considered blasphemous, and punishable by death (in case you're wondering, last time I uttered the word "Artemis" to a group of HP fans, I was immediately threatened with a cage of rather hungry Blast-Ended Skrewts, which are surprisingly cute when they aren't blasting reams of fire from their bumsides). So, I did what I knew I had to do: I attempted to read those books.

MidColumn Disclaimer: You will always receive the truth in Gryffindor Tower, no matter what the repurcussions. Truth is somAething lost in the world of biased journalism, and I will not continue the trend along the hallowed halls of Gryffindor Tower.

So I started with Artemis Fowl. Of course, I went into those books feeling very hesitant, as I have heard that they are blatant HP ripoffs. I picked up the first book, called, simply, Artemis Fowl, a gold-colored book with odd symbols running along the bottom of every page. First I read the back cover, which gave a short synopsis of the book. Hmm...ok, so Artemis is a twelve-year-old genius. No biggie there, I was too...err...anyways, he's also a crook. And there's something about fairies. Fairies? Fairies are pansies, why am I even looking at this book? But I couldn't be unfair about it, and I bought the book and took it home. First fifty pages went by interestingly enough. But it wasn't one of those "I-can't-put-this-book-down-even-though-I-have-to-go-to-the-bathroom-before-my-bladder-explodes-into-millions-of-tiny-shards-of-skin". Yet.

The second day, I started around page fifty, and that was the end of my days not knowing about Artemis Fowl. I finished it the second night, and, knowing that there was two more books out there, eagerly anticipated getting the next two. I bought the second one before I went away, as a vacation read, and I actually bought the third one while on vacation, because I couldn't wait to see how it ended. These books were, for lack of a better word, fantastic. Absolutely fantastic, in fact.

Now, about this whole HP ripoff thing. You all need to know this, because there's no way around it: JK Rowling, the master, the supreme storyteller in my heart, unfortunately DID NOT create fantasy. She didn't create centaurs, or trolls, or other galaxies before anyone else. Granted, she does it better than anyone else, but it doesn't mean that she's an innovator in fantasy. What she IS an innovator in is storytelling, in which she seems almost unrivaled. But Eoin Colfer has come damn close. When I first looked back, it seemed that I may have even liked Artemis Fowl more than HP. I realized, however, that I simply loved it because it was good, and different. It wasn't Harry Potter, not in any way, shape, or form.

Examples are, I'm sure, in order. First, the ideas of magic. In Harry Potter, characters cast spells, make potions, etc. In Artemis Fowl, magic is used by fairies to heal one another. Second, the characters in Artemis Fowl eventually end up living symbiotically (they live with and off one another, for you younger readers), whereas in Harry Potter, the magical world for the most part lives apart from the Muggle world. Which brings another point: in HP, its magical and Muggle worlds; in Artemis Fowl, it's the People (fairies, who live underground) and the Mud People (humans). And trust me, these fairies aren't the kind of pixies that have little wands with dust coming out of them. In fact, their "wands" come in the shape of nuclear-powered weapons such as the Neutrino 2000. Next, and possibly, most importantly, is characters. The first thing I noticed was the fact that there is a centaur very prominent in Artemis Fowl, a centaur named Foaly, who happens to be extremely smart. Much like Firenze. However, unlike Firenze, Foaly is one hell of a smartass. Bigtime smartass, in fact, and he happens to be one of my favorite characters of any book ever. Don't get me wrong, I love Firenze (I was so happy when Dumbledore introduced him as the new Divination teacher that I literally shouted out loud), but Foaly is cool in a totally different way. Those two characters are nothing alike, much like Harry and Artemis. For starters, Harry is part of the hidden world, where Artemis is not. Harry can do magic; Artemis cannot. And Artemis shows a whole lot more intelligence than Harry does. The prominent female role in HP is Hermione Granger, Harry's best friend besides Ron (who, by the way, if Artemis Fowl is an HP ripoff, there is no character in Ron's position in Artemis Fowl). In Artemis Fowl, the prominent female figure is Holly Short, a captain in the LEPrecon (Lower Elements Police Reconaissance) squad. Harry's mentor can be Dumbledore, Sirius, or the like; for Artemis, his only adult companion comes in the form of Butler, the shaven-head manbeast whose only magic comes from a Sig Sauer and his ability to snap a neck before the enemy has time to soil himself. There are a million more differences, and even though Artemis Fowl is called the Irish Harry Potter, it is nothing like HP. It is a new, imaginative world, and I for one cannot wait to see it grow.

I ask you all to think back. I have, if nothing else, tried to get one message across, that message that is the selfless reason for my love of HP. Yes, personally, and quite selfishly, I love what HP does for me, but I love it more than anything else because of what it has done for the world: gotten kids to read. It should come as no surprise to you that the Dan's Book Review this week is Artemis Fowl. I hope you all check out the three books: Artemis Fowl, The Arctic Incident, and The Eternity Code. Also, if you want any background on Artemis Fowl, check out Artemis Fowl Fun, a great Artemis Fowl resource site.

The bottom line is this: there is no reason for anyone not to give these books a chance. I hope you'll take my word for it that they are not Harry Potter ripoffs, because, as any of you who have taken my advice before will know, Gryffindor Tower offers only the truth. And whether or not you like the books after you read them, trust me, they are not HP ripoffs.

I'm currently reading the first Pullman book, The Golden Compass, and, to be honest, I don't have much to say, because, so far, I don't really enjoy it. But I am forcing myself to finish it, and I will give you a review when I get there.

This week's Gryffindor Tower Flick Pick is the new Mandy Moore movie How To Deal. It's a great story about life's more unfortunate events, and the way that one girl gets through them with her family. And what a life it is: she goes through deaths, disappointments, divorces, adultery, car crashes, and about a million more horrible things. It's a really fantastic movie, but even more than that (everyone under thirteen, skip to the next paragraph), Mandy Moore looks absolutely stunning...oh how I would love to just meet her, so that I could tell her that she should marry me.

Well, I think it's about time to wrap this up. Two quick notes: my email is full to brim, since I was gone away. I will try my best to answer everyone, but please don't be upset if you get a late reply, or none at all. I can guarantee you that, if you emailed me, I will read it. Second, if any of you Artemis Fowl fans know any good sites about the boy genius, please tell me. I'm having a hard time finding any.

Goodbye everyone, and I'll see you next week.

7/19/2003

OotP, Chapters 6-10


Welcome back to Gryffindor Tower! It has been awhile, I admit...three weeks, is it? I must apologize, and as I have promised many of you who sent inquiring emails as to my whereabouts, I will explain everything. However, to business at hand. It is time for me to review all those foreshadowing pieces of evidence in Order of the Phoenix, chapters 6-10.
Chapter Six--The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

Sirius, Lupin, and the rest of the Order just finished telling Harry everything he could about what Voldemort's been up to, until Mrs. Weasley cut him. Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, and Ginny talk about the weapon Voldemort is trying to get (too bad the US media wasn't on to it...they'd tell Harry that Voldemort was hiding nuclear weapons under an Invisibility Cloak in his backyard). While Harry and company are clearing the drawing room of doxies, Kingsley Shacklebolt turns up at 12 Grimmauld Place. Don't ask me why I'm mentioning that; I don't think it means anything, I just really like Kingsley...he's JK Rowling's answer to Sam Jackson. Fred and George pocket a few doxies and, although we find out later that they do get a place in Diagon Alley, this should really show us how intent they are on becoming serious inventors. Yes, it may be gags now, but let's face it: Fred's and George's inventions are quite ingenious, and could be invaluable to the Order later on. Further on, Mrs. Weasley, in quite the Mrs. Weasley-like fashion, explodes on Mundungus Fletcher for bringing stolen cauldrons into the Order HQ. This raises odd questions about Dung. Why, for instance, would he do anything that may be potentially harmful to the Order? After all, he already left Harry alone on Privet Drive when he was supposed to be shadowing him, which incidentally led to Harry's encounter with a pair of soul-sucking dementors. I certainly question Dung's reliability. If you think back to book, err, four, I believe, there is a mention of Mundungus trying to curse Arthur Weasley while his back was turned. Unfortunately, there is one thing standing against this: Dumbledore, at the end of GoF, mentioned three people in particular out of the "old crowd": Remus Lupin, Arabella Figg, and Mundungus Fletcher. Dumbledore trusts Mundungus. The question is: is that trust founded?

Next, we meet Kreacher (creature, Kreacher...anyone else spot that?). We learn a bit of the hatred between Sirius and Kreacher, a hatred that flows equally between the two. Then Harry sees the tapestry with all of the Black family, sporting the family motto "Toujours Pur" which, in literal translation, is "Always Pure." No Mudbloods for the Blacks, it seems. We learn a bit about Sirius's relations, to Tonks and her mother, to the Weasleys, and to the Malfoys. It also seems that Sirius is related to Bellatrix and Rodolphus Lestrange and Rodolphus's brother Rabastan.

While cleaning, they come across a music box that tries to put them to sleep, until Ginny slams it shut. My first question was why Harry didn't snap out of it first. After all, it seems that alot of the things that control people, like that music box and Tom Riddle's diary, work along the same lines as the Imperius Curse. Of course, Harry has shown many times that he can defeat the Imperius Curse. This time, however, it is Ginny. Much different girl than when Voldemort possessed her in book two. This may seem unimportant to many, but to me, it is another clear sign of what we can expect from Ginny later on.

Chapter Seven--The Ministry of Magic

Yes, as many of you told me, the number to get into the Ministry visitor entrance, 62442, does spell MAGIC on a phone pad. The first big thing I noticed is the Fountain of Magical Brethren. As it is described on page 127, First American Edition, "a noble-looking wizard with his wand pointing straight up in the air. Grouped around him were a beautiful witch, a centaur, a goblin, and a house-elf. The last three were looking adoringly up at the witch and wizard." Hmm...I'm sure we all laughed when Hermione started S.P.E.W., but this makes her mission seem more important. It's not just about pure blood among humans...as Fudge made apparent in book four, anyone not human should not be treated with respect. He even suggested that Madam Maxime attacked Barty Crouch Sr. on the Hogwarts grounds in book four, even though we found out it was Crouch's own son, a pureblood. No centaur would ever gaze at a human adoringly, nor would a goblin, and house-elves are just dumb. This will be important...I don't know how, but it will be. The rest of the chapter shows us around the Ministry, but there doesn't seem to be anything else of importance there.

Chapter Eight--The Hearing

The first important thing, in my opinion, that we learn, is Dumbledore's full name: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, initials APWBD. Very important for later. Also, I did a search on Percival and Wulfric. For Wulfric, here's what I got: Patron Saint. At first, Wulfric was a priest who liked to hunt and party more than tend to his flock. Apparently he saw the error in his ways, and repented, but no one knows why. One is that he encountered a beggar, another is that he repeated the verse "I will wash my hands among the innocent." He also had the gift of prophecy, and he was a counselor to two kings. I didn't find much on Percival, but it doesn't matter. The Wulfric stuff I find very interesting. For instance, it always seems like Dumbledore can see the future. During Fudge's early years as Minister of Magic, it was often Dumbledore from whom Fudge sought advice. Also, what do we know about Dumbledore? How do we know that he was never a Dark Wizard? He's old, and this Wulfric dude converted long before he was old. Then again, could be coincidence.

Next thing I found was this: during the hearing, Fudge says that Harry comes up with ****-an