50 Ways to Annoy Voldemort

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50 Ways to Annoy Voldemort

Or, 50 ways to considerably shorten your lifespan

(Found of www.mugglenet.com)

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1. Ask him why he doesn't have such a cool scar.

2. Ask him if he has any grey poupon.

3. Wake him up by singing Aretha Franklin, "I will survive..."

4. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'

5. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices.

6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.

7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.

8. Dance the Funky Chicken.

9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath

10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.

11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.

12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.

13. Call him 'The-man-who-let-the-boy-live'

14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'

15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.

16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.

17. Be cheerful.

18. When he tries to impress you with his powers say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'

19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.

20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'

21. Teach him how to spit tobacco.

22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? Whats that, a washing detergent?'

23. Keep a 'good-behavior chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.

24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.

25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there....

26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?

27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.

28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Ever?'

29. Tell him he should really try the 12-step program (baby steps) for Evil Overlords - Evil Overlords Anonymous.

30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.

31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.

32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, dark one' whenever he starts to talk of what has caused to become who he is.

33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'

34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.

35. Mock his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.

36. Tell him you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways'

37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.

38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you 'thought you were helping!'

39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.

40. Buy him a stress ball.

41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.

42. Call him Tommy-boy.

43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.

44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.

45. Say he 'looked better under the turban'

46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.

47. Teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.

49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.

50. 'Imperius' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful'

are they ever funny! hahahahahaha! i woul actually do some of them!

I love #22, about his middle name... what's that, detergent?

#25 and #13 the man who let the boy live! lol

I love it!!!!!!!!! They left out the obvious one:
Do a dance and exclaim loudly when you open your chocolate frog " Yes!!!!!!!!! I got Dumbledor!!!!!!!!."

did hermoine and the others see sirius die? i cant remember?

Oh man... that's too funny, fuscia. I love it!!!

I don't think that Hermione saw anything happen to anyone. She was out on the ground, remember? And so was Neville, if I'm correct.

Hermione was out cold. Neville was being supported by Harry because he had the Tarantallegra curse put on him. So, Neville probably did see Sirius go through the veil.

so that meens neville will see the threasles next year??

Neville and Harry were the only ones to see the thestrals in their Care of Magical Creatures Class. Neville saw his grandfather die. Umbridge asked him when she was trying to ruin Hagrid's class.

Brilliant KJ! You forgot #51 -Say the Lord's Prayer before, after, and during plotting sessions.

#52 -Have loud coughing fits during his rousing morale-boosting speeches.

#53. When Wormtail is in the room, offer to feed a large rat to Nagini.

#54 -Leave magazines in his chamber advertising beauty products.

55. When he is looking in the mirror tell him
"your evil enough, strong enough, and gosh darn it, wizards fear you."
56. Send him a Basilisk fang pendant for his birthday.

#57 -Buy him '1001 ways to get your ass kicked by a toddler'

#58 -Put up a Christmas tree

Mike your toddler book is the best one!!!!

Cheers, this is kind of a fun game

59. Jinx smiley faces onto the deatheaters masks.
60. Always come down with some mystery ailment to miss meetings on Harry's birthday.

#61 -Buy him a parrot
#62 -Play with Harry Potter action figures conspicuously

PS. #60 was good!

63. Ask him if it hurts to have your face shampooed?

P.S. Mike are u a Saints fan?

#64 -Throw a house-warming party everytime everytime the gang moves into a new lair.

#65 -Put up flyers for counselling sessions -'The pressures of being a servant to a puritist dictator getting you down? Well now there's a way to vent your frustration. Contact us at www.vodemortsupportersgonemad.com

is that a real site?

I surely am a Saints fan

no it isnt a real site, but you can try it

i did and it didnt work. now i feel stupid

There there, I tried it too.

#66 -Try and persuade him to go on 'This is your Life'

67. Change his robes color to hot pink.

P.S. Good for you. My husband is a football fan, he likes Blackburn Rovers-Brad Friedel you know.

68. Say "'why such a big snake? Compensating are we?"

Well I won't have a problem with Blackburn until we have to play them. Just to recap, we're on number 68 now in our Voldemort p***-off list due to a couple of mix-ups. Okie dokie?

we're on 69 now. lol, slow down people!

#69 -Complain about his cooking
#70 -Tell him he's melodramatic

#71 - Mark all his calendars "Saint Harry's Day" on the date that Voldemort tried, and failed, killing Harry as a baby!


PS... Fuscia... overcompensating!!! That's too good!

#72 - change all of the death marks on his death eaters to a hot pink color, and ask if he would like to have all his death eaters having cloaks that match their marks as well.

#73 - Tell him, during a meeting with all his death eaters, that you received an owl with a reminder that he has a bikini waxing appointment the following day.

#74 -Put a Harry Potter screensaver on his PC

#75 -Put up 'Help wanted' signs outside the secret lair

#76 -Hum the Harry Potter movie theme tune

#77 - Wear a Gryffindor scarf around your neck.

#78 - Put a whoopi cushion on his chair

#79 - Put a little toothpaste on his fingers, while he's sleeping, and take a feather and lightly tickle his face, causing him to get toothpaste all over. Keep doing this until he wakes up!!! Then... RUN LIKE HELL!

#80 -Get him drunk and handcuff him to a lamp-post.

81. Get him drunk and dress him up like a muggle!
82. Paint a scar on his snake.
83. Magic halos above the deatheaters heads.
84. When he whips out his wand, remind him to "swish and flick."

#85 -Replace his wand with a Harry Potter action figure that says 'Voldemort sucks' when you squeeze it.

86. Be sure to say "I love you guys" at the end of all deatheater meetings.
87. Leave pamplets for careers in muggle relations where he can find them

Mike... #85 is too funny! I almost choked reading that one!

#88 - stand on the street corner, handing out flyers, to muggles, inviting them to the next meeting, with directions to the "secret lair."

#89 -Host the meetings at Hooters

Mike, I don't think that hosting the meeting at Hooters would upset Voldy. He might actually like those tight little bright orange shorts!!!

#90 - Keeping telling him that it's really okay that he's not a pure blood.

I dunno, think about it, has Voldy ever had a girlfriend? And he's clearly got an obsessive disorder where Harry's concerned. I question the man's sexuality.

#91 -Invite him to meet your muggle parents.

Gotta agree with Mike. Notice that most of the deatheaters are men?

Okay... good point! Maybe he is just obsessed with ridding the world of all those people who he believes are unworthy, that he just hasn't ever even thought about wanting to have ANY kind of relationship!! Or, maybe....

#92 - Ask him is it's true that he and Nagini are "seeing" each other... if they have "carnal knowledge" of one another! After all, he can speak parseltongue... why not shack up with a snake?

Glad I'm not the only one that's picked up on that, Fuscia. And as for Bella Lestrange, well she might as well have 'lesbian' branded on her forehead. What straight woman takes pleasure in death?

93. make him a Harry Potter Scrapbook.
94. Have your kids call him Unkie Voldie

#95 -Read The Order of the Phoenix conspicuously and laugh throughout it.

Well, as one, I can tell you that we're not!

Apologies KJ, I'm young and naive, and need to associate with more gay people.

Forgive my unworldliness

#96 - Post a checklist of things that you want to accomplish before you die...

1) Meet the great Harry Potter
2) Get a signed picture of Harry Potter
3) Visit the houses where Harry Potter has lived

#97 -Encourage others in the group to read the HP books

98. send him a copy of "men who love snakes too much"
Yes, I think he was getting a little "freaky" with Nagini.

#99 - Dress up as Dumbledore on Halloween

100. Get a Dumbledor Tatoo with "greatest wizard" under the picture.

#101 - Wear a 'Dumbledore Rules' T-shirt to work everyday

WOW! We've just doubled the list!! Way to go... and I can tell that we're not even close to being finished!!!

Sorry about the numbers being wrong, my toddler ran into the room. Distracted.

#102 -Put cellophane over his toilet seat

#103 - Bake cakes and decorate it with pictures of Harry Potter, and serve them up at the meetings with all the death eaters.

104. When he is sleeping, put his hand into a bowl of warm water.

OKAY... since I keep having to change the numbers... let's not number the ideas! Just post them... and you can do as many as you want in one post!!!!

#104 -Re-enact baby Harry killing Voldemort with a couple of your death-eater friends

Good idea KJ

#105.Ask Voldemort if he wants to join "the Order of the Pheonix"

* Tell him at least the dementors will kiss him.

Send out christmas cards with a picture of him drunk to all your friends

Creep into his bed when he's asleep and when he wakes up in the morning tell him you expected more from the so-called 'dark lord'.

send him samples of Viagra and have them arrive during meetings.

Replace his cloaks with lacey underwear

Hey, I said ALMOST wet myself. I'm not that old yet.
Take out an ad listing the deatheaters next meeting as a meeting for a S&M club.

Put a 'curse me' sticker on his back

Put a 'grope my ass if you wanna live' sticker on his back

Jinx a Death Eater and then point to Him

anymore?

Tell him "so you didn't kill Harry, at least you got a vibrating wand"

Say you think his butt's great and ask him if he's been working out (though the response to this might not be as aggressive as you thought.)

Tell him the high pitched laugh doesn't do it for you, so could he try a scottish accent? Youuuuuu wee deatheater come or here n ................
O.K. I have a warped sense of humor. SORRY!

Don't worry fuscia, if we didn't all have a warped sense of humour we wouldn't be in here making these things up.

Dress up as the ghost of his dead father and appear at the end of his bed one night vowing that you will haunt him for eternity unless he addresses his Death-eaters the next day in a tutu.

start a pillow fight at the next meeting. Tie bells to the deatheaters shoes at Christmas time.

Use the Imperius curse on wormtail, get him to sing I'm a little teacup.

Tie a Teletubbies mask to Nagini

put a teddy bear in bed with him, take a picture, then send it out as a Valentines Day card to your fellow deatheaters.

give a Polyjuice potion to Voldemort to drink,with one of Harry's hair..and then give him a mirror

Nice one Nion

Curse his wand to make groaning sounds of pleasure, LOUDLY, every time he goes to preform a spell with it!!!!

*yes,Voldy,yes,ohh,right there,ohohohohoho..ooooo*

Kidnap Nagini. Demand he walk into the THree Broomsticks wearing a "Dumbledor Rules" t-shirt if he ever wants to see his snakie- poo again.

O.K. Mike, now I really have hear everything. It's been a blast. Gotta take my kids to the zoo now that it is cooling down. BYE!

Post his baby photos on the internet

bye

When he isn't paying attention, throw a spell on his robes, making them see-thru, and making anything clothing underneath disappear.

ewww..grosss...but a good one Kris

Cursing him to where everytime he goes to speak, baby no-nonsense jumble comes out instead, to everyone's ears, but his own!!

Paint a false this-way-up symbol on his wand so he uses it the wrong way round.

Making banana peels appear under his feet while walking, causing him to slip on his tush again and again.

Get a group of gay wizards to start following him around, sighing at his every word, batting their eyelids at him, and continously asking him out for dates.

Plant decorating magazines in his chamber for fellow Death-eaters to 'accidentally' find them.

Say to him"we captured Harry Potter!!!"
And then say "April's fools"

Hang "girlie" floral prints all over his house. Put lacey curtains up, and pink pillows all around.

Order that "Harry Potter" cologne and when Voldy asks you what that scent is you're wearing, declare...

"It's the newest, hottest cologne out.... Harry Potters own, and doesn't it just smell divine? Do you want some?"

Ask him if he can cook u some Muggle food

Ask him what it feels like to have a muggle parent, and that you're wondering and asking because you come from a wizarding family and don't know.

This has been great guys, I gotta leave for now, it's 12.50 am over here.

Good night, Mike!!! Talk to you tomorrow.

And, it has been a blast!!!

it's 3:01 AM here so that means...i have insomnia

That's allowed... after all, did your dark lord give you permission to go to sleep? I thought that he has you on 24/7 watch!!!!

Purchase Harry Potter ornaments, and decorate all over the house for Christmas with the stuff!

Wear a "W.W.H.D" bracelet.

"W.W.H.D." = What would Harry do

In case you haven't seen... there are WWJD stickers, jewelry, etc... all over. WWJD = What would Jesus do

send a "Happy birthday"card and sign it Harry Potter

Send him a nude picture of Umbridge.
Curse the deatheaters to all talk with a lisp.

O.k. Now we really are leaving for the zoo. You guys are great!!

A nude pic of umbridge? That's even TOO cruel to do to voldy!!!

why?
i think she's hot

You think that Umbridge is HOT? Oh man... someone call for a medic, quickly!!!

Tell the dementors that Voldemort isn't really Voldemort. That it's someone who's taken a polyjuice potion, and that you need them to give this "impostor" one of the soul sucking kisses!!!

Tell Voldy that you're really a mudblood

Organize a Death-eaters trip to Paris and then tell Voldemort he can't come because they know what his name means over there.

Take all of the portraits down in his house and replace them with portraits of different mudbloods.

Send him flowers once a week, with a card signed...

There's nothing wrong with second place.

Buy him a silver medal

Have a singing telegram sent to him, with a guy dressed like Harry Potter.

Tie Nagini in a knot

Follow him round with a disinfectant spray.

Sing Barbra Streisand song...

"You don't sing me lovesongs... you don't bring me flowers.... you don't say you love me, anymore"

Tell him you feel that he's emotionally alienating you and that the two of you should attend counselling sessions together.

decorate their secret hiding place resembling a golden web cage and let phoenix song play in the background .. when Voldi comes "home", tell him you thought this scene was sooo pretty ..

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throw a party to celebrate the winnings from your bet on Voldi's and Harry's last fight ..

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during a death eaters meeting ask Voldi whether he is over his last defeat or if he still wets his bed every night ..


ineli

Nice stuff ineli.

Suggest stalking a less well-protected 15-year-old.

Tell him you're considering a career change in muggle studies.

Tease him about having been "Head" Boy.
Put ton-tongue toffees in his candy bowl.

Ask him if he enjoys being defeated by children so often, and if so, would a career in pantomime interest him.

change the next location of the meeting to a Wiggles concert.
Tell him he wouldn't be so cranky if he had enough bran in his diet.

Suggest taking more vitamins to solve his skin complexion problems

Suggest he switch from tight briefs to boxers to lower his voice, after all, dark lord=deep voice.

Ask him why he thinks that, even with a bucket on his head, Darth Vader is a cooler villain.

On his birthday, use all Harry Potter party ware. The death eaters will look so cute in the hats.

Change his entire wardrobe to red and gold colors!

When you cast the dark mark, have hearts come out of the skull.

Oh... that's a good one, fuscia

Make a cupid appear, following Voldy around, saying to Voldy... is HE the one you want me to shoot a love arrow at?? Is that him? Oh no... how about him?

Make Voldy, unknowingly, give his house elves a piece of clothing each day!!!

Hang a menacing picture of Dumbledor over his bed to scare him when he wakes up.

Tell him Wormtail accidentally dropped garlic into the cauldron just before his ressurection.

Tell him you caught Wormtail wearing his underwear!

Replace all his bandages with Harry Potter ones.