Let's answer Dear Abby letters!

Lounge Lizards Forum

Okay... so I've taken out the Dear Abby thread, and I'm changing it, thanks to a great idea from Nymphadora. So, I will post a letter written in to Dear Abby, and you can post the advice you would give.

Only rule... KEEP IT CLEAN!

By Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do. This morning I found out that I am pregnant. I haven't told my parents, because I'm scared of their reaction. It's so hard. What are my options? -- ALONE AND TERRIFIED IN COLUMBUS, GA.

Well, either you don't tell them and they find out when you start showing and they will get upset for you not telling them. Or you tell them. They can either get mad or not. It's a chance you're going to have to take if it depends on the welfare of your unborn child.

Dear Alone,

I assume from your letter that you are a teenager, and will answer accordingly.

If you are genuinely afraid of your parents, i.e., because of the threat of physical violence or emotional abuse, go first to a trusted family member or adult friend, and have that person be with you when you tell your parents. If the threat is severe, you may want to go to a woman's shelter and then have someone else tell your parents. If your parent's reaction then poses a real threat to you, the woman's shelter can get you in touch with the right people to help you get through this situation.

If your fear is that they will be disappointed in you and will express that disappointment, then you just have to accept that that is one of the consequences of your behavior. Once they are over the initial shock, they most likely will be supportive and help you find the best way to get through this situation.

Do not make a hasty decision to have an abortion. Abortion does not simply erase the problem, but is a very serious decision that you will have to live with the rest of your life. Talk it out with someone very thoroughly before you make such a decision.

With the help of adults you trust, you can decide if you want to marry the baby's father, put the child up for adoption, or keep the child. These are complex decisions and you should definitely talk them over a lot with adults you trust. Other teenagers may make good sounding boards, but they do not have the experience and wisdom to help you make the decisions you will have to make.

Ask a lot of questions, and freely express your own feelings. If the person counselling you is ignoring your feelings, go to someone else. If your feelings are not recognized in the making of these decisions, you will have emotional scars for years to come.

For the most part I agree with Marelene. But don't feel like you have to get married, if that is what you decide you want to do go for it, but don't feel like you have to. And if at all possible you should tell your parents yourself. I know it's hard but it would be better coming from you. But it is a good idea to have someone you trust with you.

Dear Alone,

While some of the other Abby Advice is Valid, This Abby needs more details.
Do you have a Clue who the father is? If so go to him first. "Together" discuss this issue. Depending of the outcome you will also have More info for your parents.
I noticed your age was not mention. I must assume your at least 9 and less than 18. Are you on drugs?
Whats the Father Like? Is he fit to be A dad? Are you in love with the Father? Do you have any Problems like..your in a wheelchair?
Getting Pregnant is not the end of the world..Well maybe for you in A way it is.
The Rule is this..You created life, its not yours to take away. This new life Comes before you or your needs. The only option is 'what's" best for this new life, not whats best for you. And what options would you Like? Tuff...You cannot kill this New life so What else?

hehehe... silly stuff bit, but some good points

I agree, marriage is not a necessity. I think the most important thing is to work out the baby's role in your life. Discussing the baby with the father is rather important, but your relationship to him is inconsequential to the issue at hand.

Not saying it's bad advice, I just don't think it's part of the solution.

I think the only thing necessary is talking to an adult you trust, and working it out from there. Together.

Though it'd be funny if this woman was in her late 30's...

I would tell her that her parents would be even more disappointed if she hid it from them. She decided to have sex, so now she needs to be an adult and carefully think about her actions. Until she makes any decisions, she needs to see a doctor and eat well, no drugs or alcohol. I would advise her to talk to the father, then talk to her parents or a trusted adult. If she doesn't want the baby, then consider adoption. So many people suffer from infertility. It is very painful. She has the power to make some couple's dream come true. If she keeps the baby, then she has an opportunity to build a new relationship with her parents, starting with honesty.

That's very true, but you know how crazy some parents are? Some of my friends have the most heartless parents you could ever imagine..... really like ice. Someone I know hasn't returned home for a year, her parents didn't try to contact here, so she went to visit her dad on father's day... he just said she should leave, he wants to go to sleep.

Off topic, but just wanted to share what some parents are like. If her parents are really bad, she may be in a lot of physical and mental danger from them.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Lowell" for more than a year. He's a college graduate with a professional job. We have begun talking marriage, and I am thrilled, but I have one concern: Lowell believes he is from another planet.



When Lowell first mentioned it, I laughed and said, "I thought there was something different about you." The trouble is, he isn't joking! (This is ridiculous because his parents are alive, and I know he was born in Chicago.) Lowell insists that he is "special" and I should feel honored that he loves me.


Last night was the final straw. He said it to my brother and his wife, and they looked at him as if he WAS from another planet. When we got back to my apartment we had a huge fight. I told him never to mention that ludicrous story again to anyone. He insists that if we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, I have to accept him for who he is.


Abby, I love Lowell, but I can't have him telling our friends and family -- and our future children -- that he is from another galaxy. What should I do? -- NOT EASY BEING AN EARTH GIRL

Okay... I was LMAOROTF when I read this one.

Dear Not Easy Being an Earth Girl,
Dump the loser. He is in need of some SERIOUS psychiatric help.
Next thing you know, he will be claiming that He is Jesus in the Second Coming.
These are the people that your mother always warned you about.
Does Jamestown... purple Koolaid... multiple deaths/suicides ring a bell?

RUN FOR THE HILLS.... AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!

earth girl - dump him, he's nuts.

But I think a normal abby letter would probably say get him help, go with him to a psychiatrist... all that kind've stuff and work on the problem together...

but i don't think that guy would ever go to a psychiatrist until someone in the real world (work perhaps) finally realises he's nuts...

either that or he's just yanking her chain a long long way... earth girl, have you slept with him yet? If so, he's probably playing this complex game to get you to break up with him...... I once pretended to be a lawyer to get a woman to break up with me (okay people, I'm kidding) ... it worked well enough, perhaps he should try that instead of man from out of space next time.

Dear Earth Girl;

Before you decided he's Ask If he Has a Universe ID card. Ask if he can demostrate What he is. Go for a ride in his space ship.
And watch the Movie 'Taken" on the Sci-fi channel.

heheh ID card is a good idea. He needs to prove it to you, if he says he can't show you that since he must try and keep his identity secret, complain about him not loving or trusting you, try to have enough tears as possible at this time... Then when his back's turned... whack! knock him out and take his wallet.

ABUSIVE SUPERVISOR LEAVES WORKER WITH NO PLACE TO TURN

Thu Oct 2, 8:00 PM ET

By Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I have a serious problem with my supervisor at work. I'll call her Lydia. I began working for Lydia last year after being laid off for four months from another company. Since then, I've been picked on and harassed unmercifully. I find myself "walking on eggshells" and feeling anxious every day. Lydia is constantly looking for something about me to criticize. She does not treat anyone else this way, and I cannot figure out the best way to deal with her.

Please don't tell me to complain to the human resources department because I have already tried that. I was told to fill out a grievance report and submit it to Lydia's boss -- who I have heard say: "Lydia makes all the decisions. I trust her judgment and I support her to the end."

I have been documenting Lydia's treatment of me since last spring. I cannot afford to lose my job; however, I don't know if I have the emotional strength to tolerate the abuse much longer. -- TIRED OF GETTING YELLED AT IN DAYTON, OHIO

Dear Tired,

Even though you feel it is useless, you need to keep reporting the abuse to Human Resources. You not only need to document the abuse from your supervisor, but also the company's refusal to help you resolve the issue. In your reports to Human Resources, specifically state that you cannot go to Lydia's supervisor with this because he has already expressed absolute trust in her.

In the meantime, start looking for another job. If the job market is bad, look for an attorney that specializes in employee harrassment.

Alright, let's post letters to Dear Abby but answer them. Fantastic.

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DEAR ABBY: Please tell me if I'm going crazy. My husband of 30 years recently admitted that he enjoys wearing my undergarments! At first I was shocked, but now I am over it. We went shopping together and bought him several pairs of panties and a couple of nightgowns. He was in seventh heaven.

Our sex life has never been better and we really are enjoying each other -- but still I wonder. -- MIXED UP IN FLORIDA

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-HECK!

Dear MIXED UP IN FLORIDA,

It took you thirty years to find out your husband wears your undies? Never notice those skid marks in your granny shorts, eh? Bras didn't have that musty Old Spice kick on the sides? Maybe if you actually knew your husband in the first place you know that he's a Rocky Horror Picture Show watching dandy. Nothing wrong with it, but best to know these things before your Honeymoon.

Now your sex life is better? What in the hell was it like before? A trip to Victoria's Secret and now he's on you like stink on an ape? For most guys it's a trip to the Victoria's Secret catalog that gets their motor running.

You have no one to blame but yourself. If it's a problem, you just say, "are you freakin' nuts? You want to wear women's underwear? What the hell is the matter with you!" But you didn't. Now it's either stay with the freak show or get out, either way, fancy pants ain't gonna change. You already opened the door. Don't complain about it. Oh, and better get some coverall's and fruit-of-the-loom ready because he's going to dress you up like his buddy Bubba soon enough.

-HECK!

Dear Mixed Up,

I would seriously recommend that your husband undergo surgery for a sex change.
Meanwhile, you should start "butching it up" in the bedroom. Check your local sex shop for toys, and whatever else might interest you.

Otherwise, I predict a divorce in the near future, as your husband is living out a fantasy, and will seek more masculine bedmates.

Good luck, you sick bastards,
Lawless

Dear Mixed UP,

It shouldn't have taken 30 years to find out this big secret. I suggest you drop Mr. Fancy Pants for a man who gets his kicks out of more normal things like eyepatches, parrots, and swords.

Good luck, and remember to buy all new undies.

Fuscia

DEAR ABBY: Wife real saint in sad story

Dear Abby: My husband, “Clay,” has a very abnormal relationship with his mother. (I’ll call her “Jewel,” although she’s far from one.)

Clay frequently tells me I’ll never be as perfect as Jewel, that she’s a living saint. He tells her how much money he makes, but he won’t tell me, and he refuses to tell me where his money goes. He insists we have separate checking accounts, but he shares an account with Jewel. Abby, Clay earns three or four times as much as I do, but he never helps financially.

He never buys groceries, and I’ve had to pawn my jewelry, work overtime and beg my parents for money to put food on the table for our three children.

Clay will pay nothing toward the children’s clothing or doctor visits, and he has never bought them - or me - a gift for any occasion. He has never bought anything for our home, either.

Jewel is nosy and butts into every aspect of our lives. She claims she “loves” us and is “trying to help.” When she calls, if no one answers, she demands to know where we were — and Clay tells her.

If he goes somewhere alone and I ask where he’s been, he says it’s none of my business and accuses me of being controlling. Jewel calls to question him five times a day and it’s OK, but when I ask him anything, I’m “intruding” on his life.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the picture. Abby, how can I get him to understand how his relationship with his mother is hurting me? Mothers and sons should be close, but not that close. It’s time for him to cut the umbilical cord. I’m desperate - please help me. — Married to Mama’s Boy

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-HECK!

dear married:
file for a divorce and demand lots of child support. if he gives it to you, great! if he decides to see his errors and change, great! it's definitely a win-win situation here.

Dear Married and blind...

It's time to dump Momma's boy. File for a divorce, and screw him... balls to the wall... financially. You deserve it. After all, he's got his "jewel" right? Make sure that you sue for all that you can... and make the man PAY PAY PAY! Obviously he makes good money... and it's time for him to part with more than a little. Heard the term: HALF? You know what to do, girlfriend.

Lawless

Dear Married,


Maybe if you'd be a proper woman, and make sure dinner's ready when he gets home, and not complain, and only speak when spoken to, then he'd be a little more generious.

Jeez

Dear Dumbass,

He was probably like this before you were married, why the fudge did you think he'd grow up? If he wants to be married to his mother, you should let him. Provided you didn't sign any prenup, you can get a good chunk of those finances he seems to be earning. Go up to him tomorrow night, and with your baddest, moodiest look, say "as Aretha Franklin used to sing, D-I-V-O-R-C-E, find out what it means to me". Then give him the finger clicks, and say "I'm gonna bounce". And that's that. Since you've got kids with him, you're gonna make out like a bandit. TRUST ME.

Dear Married:

You stupid cow. Stop being a useless sod and stick up for yourself. Check the dude, his mom and lay down the mack hand. He's obviously still breast feeding so go out, fiddle the UPS guy and stick roofies in your husbands drink to get the bank information. Pull out the money, divorce him, and pay some street toughs to beat him up.

-HECK!

Dear Married,

Get thee to a divorce lawyer A.S.A.P. Then tell Mr. Mommy Lover that he can kiss his assetts goodbye, and tell him there are support groups for guys who are attracted to their moms.

fuscia

DEAR ABBY: I live at a camp in the north woods of Wisconsin. A staff member's kids spend the day at our camp. The kids are annoying, nasty and whiny.

One 8-year-old girl has attached herself to my 7-year-old sister and is pulling her away from our family. She comes up to our house whether or not my sister invites her, and usually makes a mess. She also invites my sister to stay down at the lodge late at night, which makes my sister tired and crabby.

Her 11-year-old brother attaches himself to my 5-year-old brother and then pushes him around.

What should I do? — Ticked Off in Wisconsin
-------

-HECK!

Dear Ticked Off -

I would find every nasty thing that you can, and ruin their time at your camp. You might also get a bunch of other people to team up together, and beat the staff member up. After all, his kids have ruined your vacation, right?

Lawless

Dear Ticked Off,

Are you a girl? You wanna date?

Edit: So, I was looking through old thread and found out I ripped off this idea from Lawless when she did it in 2003. Whoops. Merged threads.

-HECK!

It's okay, Heck!

You get credit for starting the thread now. I was sniffing through the old stuff. It's a trip to read through it again.

-HECK!

Man, I havn't see a Shortyboogs post in forever. Talk about a mind trip.

So I'm the only that prints them out then...?

*runs to the archive to throw away the evidence*

-HECK!

You printed out a Shortyboogs post? I don't even KNOW you anymore man.