From a wish to a nightmare...

Lounge Lizards Forum

Okay, so this cheesy idea works as follows:

A person wishes for something, like they could go to Disneyland.

The next poster grants the wish, then adds a jerky twist like there is an earthquake that swallows Disneyland while you're there.

Or someone wishes for a new big screen TV, the next poster grants the wish but says you can only watch ballet.

Get it? I anticipate three responses, but who cares.

I wish I had a pet monkey.

-HECK!

You get your monkey, but it turns out to be an evil sockmonkey who steals your money and runs off with your beer.


I wish I had some chocolate.

You get a big piece of the best chocolate ever, but your taste buds now register chocolate as pickled pigs feet.

I wish I had season tickets to the Rams.

-HECK!

You get your season tickets to the Rams, but you have horrible seats and a couple that argue non-stop sitting next to you all season.


I wish I had a kitten.

Okay, but the kitten has lice.

I wish I had a keg of beer.

-HECK!

You get that keg of beer, but discover that Whidden got to it first with the salt and went too heavy with it.

That's cold.

What's your next wish, Mizz Fucilly.

-HECK!

I wish I had $30,000 to pay off my student loans.

Granted, in Disney Dollars.

I wish I had a chicken sandwich

You get your chicken sandwich, but when you take the last bite you find a yucky bandaid in it.


I wish I was skinny again.

Your wish is granted but you only get to be skinny for 48 seconds on the first full moon of the next month with the letter x in it.

I wish I had a record deal

Invisible is signed to Bad Boy Records.

I wish I could fly

You can fly, but you are given ugly wings and you tire easily.


I wish I was rich.

You are rich but you immediately have an overwhelming feeling of selfless charity and give every last cent you have to me...

I wish my throat would stop hurting...

(yeah right Beffers)...

Fine, you're throat stops hurting but you lose your voice just as your getting ready to debut your hit song and you never gain your voice again..

I wish I had a bottle of Jose Cuervo right now...

You get your bottle of Cuervo, and wake up naked, hand cuffed to the worlds ugliest woman ,with all of your friends standing in a circle taking pictures.


I wish I could get rid of my headache

you get rid of your headache, by having a lobotomy

i wish i could read.

You learn to read, but the only thing you can read are my cheesy pirate romances.


I wish I was thinner.

You are thinner... but, to get there, you starved yourself. Now, whenever you try to eat, your stomach rejects it, and you finally become nothing but skin and bones.


I wish that I had finished my law degree when I had the opportunity.

You get a law degree, but you have to represent Russell Crowe as his personal attorney.

I wish I did not get booted from chat.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! No not that! No!!!!!


post a wish sis.

Oops...

I wish that my heath problems weren't a part of my life, after all these years. To feel no pain, for once, would be a miracle.

You feel no pain, but you can no longer taste ice cream.

I wish I were Neo, in the Matrix.

Granted... you are now Neo, in the Matrix. Unfortunately, it never truly existed... and so, you were wiped from existance, and disappeared, while all your loved ones went on with their lives.

(that's what you get for removing my taste of ice cream. That's a horrible punishment)



I wish that I had a lot of money, to pay off all of my bills, along with those who have a place in my heart too.

You are able to pay off your bills and help those you care about, but you are constantly barraged by people asking for money.


I wish I was not lactose intolerant. I want some ice cream.

You are no longer suffering from such a horrible thing... and you eat ice cream, each and every day. Because it's all that want to eat, you now weigh 300 lbs.



I wish that people didn't feel the need to constantly seek to hurt others.

Your wish is granted, but now everybody has horrible flatulence instead.

I wish I didn't have to go to work today.

You don't have to go to work today... your boss called, and said that you were fired. Apparently, everyone found out about your "partying" and decided that you were using your place of work to give out more than meal, through the drive-thru window. You've been arrested, and are now serving serious time in a prison, where you have become the "puppet" of the place, for any and all. Enjoy!!!!


I wish that I could come up with a good wish.

((haha that actually happened to me once. I was 19 and I had a landscaping job and I hated it so I was a crappy worker. One day I got up and was like "I reallllly don't want to work today" but I got up and drove to work and then they basically told me "You suck. You're fired. Go home." I was embarassed for getting fired, but at least I had the day off ))

you are granted your wish and you now have a dream car, but the cops pull you over once each day.


I wish my hand didn't hurt.

Your hand doesn't hurt... but, now both your feet constantly do, and you can't walk. You are bedridden, unless in a wheel chair.


I wish that we had a really good spread of food for our memorial day grilling.

A five star caterer shows up on your doorstep and offers to make you an incredible spread of food in exchange for you letting him use your bathroom. The food looks great, but woe to you, you have a HUGE ant hill under your porch that you never knew about and the entire colony comes to the picnic. And some bees.

I wish I could paint my own fingernails without them looking so sloppy.

You can paint your nails, perfectly... but that's only because they are each the size of a ruler. Now, you can't really do anything, because of such large nails.



I wish that this damn headache would pass...

Your headache passes to all who come in contact with you, but you feel fine.

I wish I could sleep in tomorrow.

You can sleep in tomorrow... but you miss an important phone call, which would have given you $10 million, tax free, for picking up the phone, and answering three simple questions.



I wish that the show, Xena, was back on television, with all new episodes.

oh hell no! I'm not messing with your Xena episode.

I'll let someone else take that risk.

Xena is back with all new episodes, but Lucy Lawless is no longer playing the part

I wish that school started an hour later.

Oh no, you did NOT take MY Lucy outta the show!!!

School starts an hour later... but you are now IN school until 6pm, each day... including Saturdays.


I wish that it was already July.

Alright, but it's July 4th for the rest of your life.

I wish I could turn back time.

-HECK!

COOL! That means that it's a vacation day, all the time. I will always have money, and not have to work! I can live with that.


You turn back time.... so far back, that it's another 10,000 years before you will be born.



I wish that I could meet Lucy Lawless.

Cool, I will rule monkey men with an iron fist.

And it's the same 4th of July, like on Groundhog Day.

-HECK!

No, it's 10,000 years before you're born. You turned back the time, and aren't there.


I don't mind that it's the same day, over and over. I will have some SERIOUS fun, and learn a lot of new things.... and never die. Works for me.


You didn't post a wish or mess mine up.

Ah, I see, trickery in my midst.

I wish I could fly...

-HECK!

You still didn't mess my wish up, Heck!!! I had said that I wish to meet Lucy Lawless.

Crapo, my bad.

You meet Lucy Lawless... but you are severly allergic to her pheremones and will die after coming with five feet of her.

-HECK!

OKay... finally.

You can fly.... unfortunately, that's all that you can do. You can't stop.
You can't land, and be with anyone. Your entire life is now lived up in the thermals.


I wish that I could have one more day with my dad.

Ah man, I can't be mean to that. Okay, you have a day with your dad, but he keeps using the catchphrase "don't go there" at the wrong times.

I wish I owned a bar.

-HECK!

You are now the proud owner of a 20 foot bar of fudge.



I wish that I was famous.

You are now famous, for finding the only copy of the new Harry Potter book and torching it, making JK Rowling so upset she vowes to never write again.

-HECK!

That's just wrong, on more than a few levels!!!

But, once again, you forgot your wish, Heck.

El Crapo... ok, I wish that I was King of England.

-HECK!

You are now King of England, but you have to sleep with Camilla.




I wish I had a new cell phone.

You have the new phone, but every number on the keypad is 5.

I wish that Grant had remembered to make a wish.

Grant makes a wish, but it is a wish to be the prettiest girl at the harvest moon ball.

I wish that my wish was that my wish wouldn't come true.

Granted... your wish doesn't come true, and you die lonely, and sad.


I wish that this pill would kick in and KILL THE PAIN!

Your pain is officially killed, but the pill prevents you from having the Big "O" ever again.

I wish I were drunk like I will be tomorrow night!

It's on, but it's on at three in the morning.

I wish that my road had a shoulder so I could go biking.

Your road has a shoulder, but now you don't

I wish I had three wishes.

You get three wishes, but you can't think of anything good to use them on.

I wish I didn't have to take finals.

Okay, you don't need to take finals. Be prepared to flunk out though

I wish I had a car made of solid gold.

You now are the proud owner of a solid gold car. Only problem, it's so tiny, that a special microscope must be used to see it. The naked eye can't see something so small. And, it's net worth is $0.0000000000000007



I wish that the work weeks were two days, and the weekends 5 days... and we still go the same pay.

Well, you finally got a job with a 2 hour work week. Only problem is, you're doing construction all day, both days. A 48 hour week. You're so sore and sunburned, you can't get out of bed on your 5 day weekends.

Well, you finally got a job with a 2 hour work week. Only problem is, you're doing construction all day, both days. A 48 hour week. You're so sore and sunburned, you can't get out of bed on your 5 day weekends.


I wish traffic was nonexistant.

Traffic is non-existant... in fact, you're the only person in the entire world. There are no animals, no people... nothing. Now, you can go anywhere you want, and never have traffic.


I wish that life was easier, and relationships didn't make your heart feel so torn that you didn't know what to do sometimes.

Granted. You no longer have a heart at all. Now you are completely numb, robotic, and blindly ambishious about completing the next objective in your daily life. You never have to worry about not knowing what to do, because you'll never be distracted with petty feelings.

I wish Coke a Cola was always cold.

Granted, and you can cool your coke in the snows of the next ice age as you struggle to stay warm living underground.

I wish gas was cheaper.

gas is very cheap, but your car only gets 8 miles to a gallon.


I wish I had a pizza.

You've got a pizza, but you have to walk through a pit of used needles to get it. (how's that for macabre!?)

I wish I had an assistant.

Okay, you can have an assistant....but he's not yours. He is working for your arch nemesis and poisons your evening sushi.

I wish my braces would stop hurting.

They stop hurting... because your teeth fall out.

I wish I could catch a homerun in the stands at a baseball game.

-HECK!

You watch a homerun in the stands at a baseball game, but it's a grand slam for the other team.

I wish I had a job

You get a job...giving spongebaths to elderly leprosy patients.

I wish it wasn't so hot here!

It is instantly cold, so cold that you get frostbite on your fingers and toes.

I wish I had a kitten.

You will get your kitten, but it is possesed by the devil, speaks in tongues and chases you and tries to hump you.

I wish I had a manservant.

But what's your wish HECK!?