Ways to annoy Simon Cowell- the game

American Idol: Season 5 Forum

A few years back many of us had a great time coming up with ways to annoy Voldemort. I thought we could do a thread about ways to annoy Simon. Let's see how many we can come up with.

1. Erase everything on his IPOD and replace it with hours of Paula's comments.

2. Replace all of his clothes with pink and yellow clothes, two sizes too small.

3. Buy him that much needed man bra.

4. Have all the contestants sing his least favorite songs, off key!

5. Have Randy make him a part of the dawg pound.

6. Close down his favorite all-male burlesque show.

-HECK!

7. Have Paula hit on him, every time she comments to the contestants... rubbing his leg, kissing his cheek, making comments about how big his arms are.

8. Have wardrobe give him and Ryan matching outfits.

9. Replace the buzz clippers used on his hair, with a #0 blade, and remove all, but a tiny little stubble.

10. Sing "God Save Kellie" instead of "God Save the Queen"

11. Have the contestants pretend to clean their nails, or something else, while Simon is giving his "Dreadful" comments... to show just how BORED we are with him.

12. No matter how mean he is have the contestants say "we love you when your angry" to him.

13. Put diuretic drops into his soda/drink before the performance night, and watch him squirm.

14. Make a Naughty Little Minks forum dedicated to Simon showing pictures of him with minks.

15. Recall his Visa, so that when he goes home, to England, to visit, or whatever, he is detained, and then some.

16. Take him to TJ for the weekend and get him good and drunk. Send him home with a Soul Patrol tattoo on his buns.

17. Wash his clothes in itching powder.

18. Put some Deep Heat in his undies on show night. Pay Randy to keep saying "that was hot!"

19. Have each of the male contestants go onto the ramp behind the judges, and run their fingers through Simon's hair.

20. Have the male contestants blow kisses as Simon when he gives his comments.

21. Have the contestants dress like slobs, and have the hair all greasy.

22. Have Paula and Randy finish all their sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

23. Have Ryan repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

24. Have Ryan announce a poll, weekly, that will be on the AI board...

"What gender is Simon Cowell?"

26. Have Paula sing in his ear "Opposites attract" every time Ryan start talking to him.

27. Wait for a HOT day, then put a raw chicken leg under the seat of his sports car.

28. Put nair in his shampoo.

29. Shrink all his tighty-whities.

30. Give Simon a Soul Patrol T-shirt

31. Put earphones on him, while he's sleeping, with round-the-clock Chris, and Taylor, music playing... and little subliminal messages to promote them! Then, when he goes to speak after each of their performances, he stands up, claps, and proclaims them the greatest entertainers of all time.

32. Put some benefiber in his coke. That should change his attitude.

33. Have Paula bake some brownies, and cover 'em with melted chocolate, with exlax mixed in it. That should clear out that nasty attitude.

34. Go to his house and when the clock strikes one start moaning and shaking chains "Simon you have been a very bad judge, you must change your wayssssssssss"

35. Put a whoppie cushion on his seat

36. Make him listen to "Thank you for 2004"

37. Put mirrors all around him, and then, have them crack at the same time, as he's looking into them.

38. Sneaky up behind him when he is at the urinal and shake his shoulders.

39. Peek over his shoulder while he's at the urinal and proclaim.. "Well, it's not THAT small..." and then, as you're walking away, quietly say (so that he will hear) "If you were a miniture poodle!"

40. Tell him he can't go to places that are comfortable to gay men.

Man, do I know how to ruin jokes. Nah? It's true, he's the gay for sure.

-HECK!

Heck are you drunk?

41. Change his red coke glass to a red one that says Viagra when he is not looking.

Nah, I was just trying say Simon is the gay. And I was not being funny. It's often confused with drunkenness.

-HECK!

I was going by the hour of the post.

42. Have all the men on the show dedicate their love songs to Simon.

Ah yes, good call. But I was playing poker. Good odds though.

-HECK!

43. Slip a "mickey" in his drink when he's not looking, and watch what happens.

44. Give him NoDoze and then make him spend the evening explaining Brittish expressions to Kellie!

45. Have him try to explain anything to Kellie.

46. Have him go on a long car trip and have to sit between a feuding Paula and Ryan.

47. Give him a Ryan Seacrest night light. (glowing teeth and all)

48. Have a bunch of hot guys, with incredible pecs, wear the SAME EXACT shirt, tight, on the same night... and then, Ryan can do something like... "Sheesh, look at all those guys who are wearing the same shirt as you, Simon." Then, when they stand up, Paula can nearly faint and state... "That's what it should look like, on a real man!"

49. Have his alarm clock play "straight up" song by Paula.

50. Trap him in an elevator with Kellie's version of "Unchained Melody" playing, non-stop!

51. Put a "Clay Aiken was the true American Idol " bumper sticker to his car.

52. While he is asleep carefully apply wax to his arm hair. Make it say "I love Paula" then rip those hairs out.

53. Program his radio in the car to only country stations.

RECAP

1. Erase everything on his IPOD and replace it with hours of Paula's comments.

2. Replace all of his clothes with pink and yellow clothes, two sizes too small.

3. Buy him that much needed man bra.

4. Have all the contestants sing his least favorite songs, off key!

5. Have Randy make him a part of the dawg pound.

6. Close down his favorite all-male burlesque show.

7. Have Paula hit on him, every time she comments to the contestants... rubbing his leg, kissing his cheek, making comments about how big his arms are.

8. Have wardrobe give him and Ryan matching outfits.

9. Replace the buzz clippers used on his hair, with a #0 blade, and remove all, but a tiny little stubble.

10. Sing "God Save Kellie" instead of "God Save the Queen"

11. Have the contestants pretend to clean their nails, or something else, while Simon is giving his "Dreadful" comments... to show just how BORED we are with him.

12. No matter how mean he is have the contestants say "we love you when your angry" to him.

13. Put diuretic drops into his soda/drink before the performance night, and watch him squirm.

14. Make a Naughty Little Minks forum dedicated to Simon showing pictures of him with minks.

15. Recall his Visa, so that when he goes home, to England, to visit, or whatever, he is detained, and then some.

16. Take him to TJ for the weekend and get him good and drunk. Send him home with a Soul Patrol tattoo on his buns.

17. Wash his clothes in itching powder.

18. Put some Deep Heat in his undies on show night. Pay Randy to keep saying "that was hot!"

19. Have each of the male contestants go onto the ramp behind the judges, and run their fingers through Simon's hair.

20. Have the male contestants blow kisses as Simon when he gives his comments.

21. Have the contestants dress like slobs, and have the hair all greasy

22. Have Paula and Randy finish all their sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

23. Have Ryan repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

24. Have Ryan announce a poll, weekly, that will be on the AI board...

"What gender is Simon Cowell?"


25. Bring William Hung back as a guest performer and judge.

26. Have Paula sing in his ear "Opposites attract" every time Ryan start talking to him.

27. Wait for a HOT day, then put a raw chicken leg under the seat of his sports car.

28. Put nair in his shampoo.

29. Shrink all his tighty-whities.

30. Give Simon a Soul Patrol T-shirt

31. Put earphones on him, while he's sleeping, with round-the-clock Chris, and Taylor, music playing... and little subliminal messages to promote them! Then, when he goes to speak after each of their performances, he stands up, claps, and proclaims them the greatest entertainers of all time.

32. Put some benefiber in his coke. That should change his attitude

33. Have Paula bake some brownies, and cover 'em with melted chocolate, with exlax mixed in it. That should clear out that nasty

34. Go to his house and when the clock strikes one start moaning and shaking chains "Simon you have been a very bad judge, you must change your wayssssssssss"

35. Put a whoppie cushion on his seat

36. Make him listen to "Thank you for 2004"

37. Put mirrors all around him, and then, have them crack at the same time, as he's looking into them.

38. Sneaky up behind him when he is at the urinal and shake his shoulders.

39. Peek over his shoulder while he's at the urinal and proclaim.. "Well, it's not THAT small..." and then, as you're walking away, quietly say (so that he will hear) "If you were a miniture poodle!"

40. Tell him he can't go to places that are comfortable to gay men.

41. Change his red coke glass to a red one that says Viagra when he is not looking.

42. Have all the men on the show dedicate their love songs to Simon.

43. Slip a "mickey" in his drink when he's not looking, and watch what happens.


44. Give him NoDoze and then make him spend the evening explaining Brittish expressions to Kellie!


45. Have him try to explain anything to Kellie.

46. Have him go on a long car trip and have to sit between a feuding Paula and Ryan.

47. Give him a Ryan Seacrest night light. (glowing teeth and all)

48. Have a bunch of hot guys, with incredible pecs, wear the SAME EXACT shirt, tight, on the same night... and then, Ryan can do something like... "Sheesh, look at all those guys who are wearing the same shirt as you, Simon." Then, when they stand up, Paula can nearly faint and state... "That's what it should look like, on a real man!"

49. Have his alarm clock play "straight up" song by Paula.

50. Trap him in an elevator with Kellie's version of "Unchained Melody" playing, non-stop!

(50 and up will be recapped in a few pages.)

54. Pay some old ladies to show up at the show with shirts that say "Simon's Naughty Little Minx Club" on them.

55. Give Paula some epicac (sp?) in her soda, and watch her spew all over Simon, during a live show.

56. Give Simon a book on Male Menopause and say "dude you're in denial. This will help".

57. Pay more old ladies to come up to him and say "You and that Ryan fellow make such a lovely couple. "

58. Put bleach in his shampoo bottle

59. Get Ryan to call him spanky buns on the air.

60. Have Randy hand him a red pitchfork and say "dude you forgot your working tools"

61. Everytime Taylor performs get Paula to lean over and quote him "there is no way Paula or Randy will ever put you through to the final 24" and laugh at him.

62. Have someone put a bottle on Beeno in front of his coke glass just before the camera zooms in.

63. Buy him a gift certificate for the Taylor Hicks School of Dance.

64. Give him a framed photo copy of Clay Aikens sales figures.

65. Use Botox to freeze his face into a smile.

66. Squirt a little yellow color dye, into his cereal, and then say... "Who pissed in your cheerio's?"

67. Start referring to him as "He who has a broomstick up his butt"

68. Get Paula to say every show "Don't ask Simon, he hates everyone".

69. Get the contestants to say this after he critiques them "but was I naughty?"

70. Revoke his green card.

71. Give him a Taylor Hicks Screen saver

72. Give him a teddy bear that goes "WOOO SOUL PATROL" when you press its belly.

73. Make him a scrapbook of all the contestants that he hated and who were successful.

74. Put cellophane on his toilet seat

75. ask him if he has any grey poupon

1. Erase everything on his IPOD and replace it with hours of Paula's comments.

2. Replace all of his clothes with pink and yellow clothes, two sizes too small.

3. Buy him that much needed man bra.

4. Have all the contestants sing his least favorite songs, off key!

5. Have Randy make him a part of the dawg pound.

6. Close down his favorite all-male burlesque show.

7. Have Paula hit on him, every time she comments to the contestants... rubbing his leg, kissing his cheek, making comments about how big his arms are.

8. Have wardrobe give him and Ryan matching outfits.

9. Replace the buzz clippers used on his hair, with a #0 blade, and remove all, but a tiny little stubble.

10. Sing "God Save Kellie" instead of "God Save the Queen"

11. Have the contestants pretend to clean their nails, or something else, while Simon is giving his "Dreadful" comments... to show just how BORED we are with him.

12. No matter how mean he is have the contestants say "we love you when your angry" to him.

13. Put diuretic drops into his soda/drink before the performance night, and watch him squirm.

14. Make a Naughty Little Minks forum dedicated to Simon showing pictures of him with minks.

15. Recall his Visa, so that when he goes home, to England, to visit, or whatever, he is detained, and then some.

16. Take him to TJ for the weekend and get him good and drunk. Send him home with a Soul Patrol tattoo on his buns.

17. Wash his clothes in itching powder.

18. Put some Deep Heat in his undies on show night. Pay Randy to keep saying "that was hot!"

19. Have each of the male contestants go onto the ramp behind the judges, and run their fingers through Simon's hair.

20. Have the male contestants blow kisses as Simon when he gives his comments.

21. Have the contestants dress like slobs, and have the hair all greasy

22. Have Paula and Randy finish all their sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."

23. Have Ryan repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

24. Have Ryan announce a poll, weekly, that will be on the AI board...

"What gender is Simon Cowell?"


25. Bring William Hung back as a guest performer and judge.

26. Have Paula sing in his ear "Opposites attract" every time Ryan start talking to him.

27. Wait for a HOT day, then put a raw chicken leg under the seat of his sports car.

28. Put nair in his shampoo.

29. Shrink all his tighty-whities.

30. Give Simon a Soul Patrol T-shirt

31. Put earphones on him, while he's sleeping, with round-the-clock Chris, and Taylor, music playing... and little subliminal messages to promote them! Then, when he goes to speak after each of their performances, he stands up, claps, and proclaims them the greatest entertainers of all time.

32. Put some benefiber in his coke. That should change his attitude

33. Have Paula bake some brownies, and cover 'em with melted chocolate, with exlax mixed in it. That should clear out that nasty

34. Go to his house and when the clock strikes one start moaning and shaking chains "Simon you have been a very bad judge, you must change your wayssssssssss"

35. Put a whoppie cushion on his seat

36. Make him listen to "Thank you for 2004"

37. Put mirrors all around him, and then, have them crack at the same time, as he's looking into them.

38. Sneaky up behind him when he is at the urinal and shake his shoulders.

39. Peek over his shoulder while he's at the urinal and proclaim.. "Well, it's not THAT small..." and then, as you're walking away, quietly say (so that he will hear) "If you were a miniture poodle!"

40. Tell him he can't go to places that are comfortable to gay men.

41. Change his red coke glass to a red one that says Viagra when he is not looking.

42. Have all the men on the show dedicate their love songs to Simon.

43. Slip a "mickey" in his drink when he's not looking, and watch what happens.


44. Give him NoDoze and then make him spend the evening explaining Brittish expressions to Kellie!


45. Have him try to explain anything to Kellie.

46. Have him go on a long car trip and have to sit between a feuding Paula and Ryan.

47. Give him a Ryan Seacrest night light. (glowing teeth and all)

48. Have a bunch of hot guys, with incredible pecs, wear the SAME EXACT shirt, tight, on the same night... and then, Ryan can do something like... "Sheesh, look at all those guys who are wearing the same shirt as you, Simon." Then, when they stand up, Paula can nearly faint and state... "That's what it should look like, on a real man!"

49. Have his alarm clock play "straight up" song by Paula.

50. Trap him in an elevator with Kellie's version of "Unchained Melody" playing, non-stop!

51. Put a "Clay Aiken was the true American Idol " bumper sticker to his car.

52. While he is asleep carefully apply wax to his arm hair. Make it say "I love Paula" then rip those hairs out.

53. Program his radio in the car to only country stations

54. Pay some old ladies to show up at the show with shirts that say "Simon's Naughty Little Minx Club" on them.

55. Give Paula some epicac (sp?) in her soda, and watch her spew all over Simon, during

56. Give Simon a book on Male Menopause and say "dude you're in denial. This will help".

57. Pay more old ladies to come up to him and say "You and that Ryan fellow make such a lovely couple. "

58. Put bleach in his shampoo bottle

59. Get Ryan to call him spanky buns on the air.

60. Have Randy hand him a red pitchfork and say "dude you forgot your working tools"

61. Everytime Taylor performs get Paula to lean over and quote him "there is no way Paula or Randy will ever put you through to the final 24" and laugh at him.

62. Have someone put a bottle on Beeno in front of his coke glass just before the camera zooms in.

63. Buy him a gift certificate for the Taylor Hicks School of Dance.

64. Give him a framed photo copy of Clay Aikens sales figures.

65. Use Botox to freeze his face into a smile

66. Squirt a little yellow color dye, into his cereal, and then say... "Who pissed in your cheerio's?"

67. Start referring to him as "He who has a broomstick up his butt"

68. Get Paula to say every show "Don't ask Simon, he hates everyone".

69. Get the contestants to say this after he critiques them "but was I naughty?"

70. Revoke his green card.

71. Give him a Taylor Hicks Screen saver

72. Give him a teddy bear that goes "WOOO SOUL PATROL" when you press its belly.

73. Make him a scrapbook of all the contestants that he hated and who were successful.

74. Put cellophane on his toilet seat

75. ask him if he has any grey poupon

76. Send this list to Paula and Randy so they can start using the ways.

77. Get people to go up to Simon with their phones to their ears. Have them say "Can you hear Taylor now?"

78. Teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.

these are from my twin on the SP hickschix78

79 Change Simon's ringtones to one of Taylor singing
80. Make a music video of taylor dancing, and it be #1 on TRL
81. Ask Simon if his Bowflex is broken and point at his manboobs
82. Ask his stylist to dye his hair gray
83. Put Vodka in Simon's coke, and then ask him if he's drunk
84. After spiking Simon's coke, have him get a tattoo on his arm saying "Chicks dig Harmonicas"
85. Have chicken little voice recorded for the controls on Simon's car -- door ajar, oil low..etc.

More from my very talented Twin

86. Sit next to Simon on a long flight, and sing at the top of your lungs, badly.

87. On this flight, keep asking him if you can be his next American Idol...

88. When you meet Simon, tell him you recognize him from somewhere but arent sure. Then ask him if he used to work at your high school as the track coach.....

89. Run up to Simon, and ask him to take a picture. When he tries to get into the picture, ask him what he is doing. You wanted a picture with your friend.

90. Ask Simon for an autograph, then ask him if he can get you Ryan Seacrest's autograph since they are living together.

91. Tell Simon that he needs subtitles because you can't understand his accent, or just don't care about what he is saying.

92. Get Simon Personalized plates saying SoulPtrl

93. Bring a new invention to the American Idol audition, and ask him if this can make you America's new Idol

94. Repeat everything he says in the best British accent you can make...

95. Sing behind him as a contestant, and make bunny ears behind his head on camera

96. Give Simon a new chair for his judges' spot, making sure that you can control it via remote control---give him motion sickness if he tortures any of your favorite singers

97. Whenever Simon finishes a sentence say, "And then what happened?"

98. Saran wrap Simon's desk, with him still sitting int he chair.

99. Give Paula a shirt that says I'm with stupid and make sure it points to Simon

100. Tell him that he must go to some really great weddings with excellent entertainment.

101. Tell him that all the people in the poll who said that they listen to his opinion only voted that way to piss off Randy.

102. Have Ryan ask him boxers or briefs on TV.