Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, "You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea what some people will do to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really ARE Einstein!" he says. "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!" he says. "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?" George W. looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
This is a joke, of course. I believe Bush is going elsewhere.
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Advance said this in post #2 : Hahah I love these jokes.
Honestly, they are funny.
You on the other hand are not, but what else can we expect from someone being spoonfed their propaganda all their life.
You got that exactly right. Of course, the truth is that I was spoonfed right-wingism all my young life, and even voted that way until my eyes were opened. My parents also opened their eyes not long before they passed. Some day in the not too distant future, a lot of other folks will open their eyes, maybe even you! Wouldn't that be something?
Glad you liked the joke. Have another then.
quote:
President Bush was visiting a primary school and he dropped in on one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stood up and said, "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."
A little girl raised her hand and offered, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said, "If Air Force One carrying you and Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld was struck by a friendly fire missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," said the boy, "it has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be a damn accident either."
Advance said this in post #4 : That wasn't funny at all mate, sorry no humour there
I am indeed sorry you now suffer the mental disease, liberalism, and I have heard people like you can get help, something about a 12 step program?
Did you know studies have shows most alcholics are liberals?
For the record, I have been a registered Republican for more years than a Democrat. I voted Republican more times than I voted Democratic. I split my ticket more than I vote straight party lines. Unlike you, however, I have come to see the phoneyism and croneyism of the right wing in recent years and I have my eyes wide open. If you can't see through Dubya, I feel sorry for you.
Oh, and I seldom drink- a glass of wine here and a sociable cocktail there. If you want to generalize, why not talk about what percentage of Republicans are bigots and racists vs. Democrats?
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BUSH GETS CODED MESSAGE FROM SADDAM
After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Saddam is still alive', Saddam decides to send George W. a letter in his own writing to let him know that he is still in the game.
Bush opens the letter and sees only a coded message: "370HSSV-0773H". He can't figure it out, so he asks Karl Rove.
Rove suggests that the head of the CIA would certainly understand code, so Bush sends it to George Tenet. Tenet, however, can't figure it out, either. He suggests, "How about Condi? She has a doctorate, that means she's smart."
But Dr. Rice is baffled, too. As Bush is pondering the mysterious message lying on the desk before him, Colin Powell enters the Oval Office. When he sees the paper and reads what is written on it, he asks, "Sir, where did that come from?"
Bush replies testily, "Supposedly it's a message from Saddam. But what the hell does '370HSSV-0773H' mean?"
Powell clears his throat and replies, "Mr. President, I think you've been looking at the message upside down."
quote:
GEORGE BUSH SPOTS MOSES
George Bush was visiting Mubarak in Egypt and they were out in the boondocks and George sees an old man with a white beard and hair in the distance and asks Mubarak, "Isn't that Moses"?
George was so convinced it was Moses that he called out and motioned to the man to come, but the man turned and started walking away. George, being a jogger, ran after him and caught up to him and stopped him and exclaimed, "You MUST be Moses".
The man replied, "Go away, the last time I talked to a bush, I had to roam the desert for 40 years."
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, Please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.”
The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Frank, what is the best thing I can do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist.”
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?"
