| Oh, boy! It could get ugly if more bands follow Backstreet lead
Not all boy bands age gracefully.
The Backstreet Boys have reunited to play Avalon (15 Lansdowne St., $42) tomorrow night at 7:30, but is Boston ready for Backstreet Men?
When pubescent popstars get old, things get ugly.
If Backstreet's comeback sparks other reunions tours, here's some of what we can look forward to:
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BAND: Backstreet Boys - Five ``good looking'' guys put together by boy-band svengali Lou Pearlman.
MOST PATHETIC LYRIC: ``Backstreet's Back - ALL RIGHT!'' Um, exactly where were they?
TRADEMARK: Hand gestures - To emphasize the emotion of their generic, Swedish-manufactured pop lyrics.
BREAKOUT STAR: Nick Carter - DUI, Paris Hilton, Tommy Lee and a flop solo album. What a badass.
WORST FASHION STATEMENT: Water - Apparently every boy band looks better in the rain.
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BAND: 98 Degrees - Three pint-sized Arnold Schwarzenegger clones and some really pale bearded guy.
MOST PATHETIC LYRIC: ``Give me just one night, una noche.'' Uh, no.
TRADEMARK: Beefcake - Waxed chests to compensate for weak voices.
BREAKOUT STAR: Nick Lachey - Everyone's favorite newlywed, better known as Mr. Jessica ``Chicken or Tuna'' Simpson.
WORST FASHION STATEMENT: Camouflage vests - without shirts underneath. Chafe much?
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BAND: *N SYNC - Five ``good looking'' guys put together by boy-band svengali Lou Pearlman.
MOST PATHETIC LYRIC: Justin Timberlake's human beat box - oh, the humanity!
TRADEMARK: Are those the Backstreet Boys?
BREAKOUT STAR: Timberlake - The world needs a new Michael Jackson. (And by that we mean voice.)
WORST FASHION STATEMENT: Chris Kirkpatrick - The braids, the lack of solos; meet the late '90s answer to Danny Wood.
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BAND: 2gether - The best damned TV band since the Monkees.
MOST PATHETIC LYRIC: ``I know my calculus. It says you plus me equals us. U, plus sign. Me, equal sign. US.'' Does not compute.
TRADEMARK: Spoof - A show to make fun of boy bands actually spawned a boy band.
BREAKOUT STAR: Q.T. - The cute one with the terminal illness. Sadly, Michael Cuccione, who played Jason ``Q.T.'' McKnight, really had a terminal illness and died.
WORST FASHION STATEMENT: Putting the ``older brother figure'' (Kevin Farley, Chris Farley's brother) bandmate in tiny T-shirts. (He was a bit on the hefty side.)
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BAND: O-Town - Five ``good looking'' guys put together by boy-band svengali Lou Pearlman on his reality TV show ``Making the Band.''
MOST PATHETIC LYRIC: ``I dream about a girl who's a mix of Destiny's Child, just a little touch of Madonna's wild-style with Janet Jackson's smile. Throw in a body like Jennifer's, you've got the star of my liquid dreams.''
TRADEMARK: Reality TV - This wasn't another 2gether. They were serious.
BREAKOUT STAR: None - Can you name a member?
WORST FASHION STATEMENT: Dressed like boys - They didn't wear boy-band requisite space costumes or sequins. Maybe that's why they failed.
- Boston Herald | |
