| Bush Promises Attack on Armenia “Is the Last One”
WASHINGTON, April 24, 2004 -- President George W. Bush prepared the nation for his 11th pre-emptive strike by insisting that the impending invasion of Armenia will be his last.
“I gotta tell ya, after your first military strike, it’s hard to stop. The rush is incredible,” said Bush, “But believe you me, these Armenians are nothing but trouble.”
In his address to the country, Bush wistfully remembered several of his more successful attacks, including “Operation This Really Isn’t About Islam” and “Operation Who You Calling Hitler.”
At the same time, his did not address some of the costly failures. Left unmentioned was the Italian War, part of the President’s Council on Physical Fitness’ War on Obesity.
And the Guam Quagmire -- which ended only after it was explained to Bush that the island was part of America even though it was not a state -- received just a passing mention.
Nevertheless, Bush was clearly fired up when talking about Armenia.
“We gave them 60 days to change their name,” said Bush, “as our Patent Office found that the name Armenia sounded too much like America, and therefore was a trademark violation.”
“But them Armenians have been crawfishin', po'daddyin', and skeepalunkin' for too long. And so they shall feel the brunt of American justice.”
Bush then got excited and screamed "everybody polka" as he kicked off Polka fest 2004 with a bang! | |
