| Possibly you have already read it, but it is so funny...
Terry Jones (of Monty Python fame) Sunday January 26, 2003 The
Observer.England.
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me
queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but
so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a
few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden.
That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I
just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass
Murderer.
I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll
pick us off one by one.
Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police?
But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence
of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless
red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike
and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible
things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm
the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I
reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a
little difficult.
Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run
out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want! That's why
I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike
first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave using peace and stop
peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that
all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddamis a really nasty man
and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them.
I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife
and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are
just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street
who I don't like and who - quite frankly -look at me in odd ways. No one
will be really safe until I've wiped themall out. My wife
says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic
as the President of the United States. That shuts her up. Like Mr Bush,
I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the
President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two
weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and
interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist
masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you',
I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come. It's just as sane as
what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending,
my policy will destroy only one street. | |
