The "I'm Not Martha" Thread

Conviction of Martha Stewart Forum

This if for those who have no time to do everything under the sun, and do not have a staff of 400 people to accomplish everything.

No problem!

Gather up your dishwasher safe tupperware and use those for serving in.

Purchase 50 Banquet Dinners (you can get them for 99 cents at Wal-Mart)

Open all the dinners and scoop out the contents into separate tupperware dishes (you know the ones.. you may have gotten them from a 70s party and never threw them away)

Throw in microwave and cook on high for the allotted time.

Set table with mismatched dishes you've collected over the years.

Find a few emergency candles you have laying around the house and put them on the fold up table you probably use when you have guests.

Gather up the chairs from around the house (even if they don't match) By the way... you can use a sturdy suitcase and turn it on its end for lightweight guests to sit on.

Ah.. guests have arrived! Enjoy your dinner folks!

Oh Kooka... where did you get that from???

I just wrote it. We can add our own methods of living life... you know, without 400 staff members, and 25 takes to get it right.

That's why I made the thread. This is a fun thread.

Ladies, ladies, ladies! You do not have to fret over a pretty rose garden, and you don't even have to labor to much.

Never mind buying all the right tools. Never mind that digging in the dirt and these roses don't die! I kid you not.

Find a nice area in your yard (preferably where the dogs don't go to relieve themselves)

Remove all the clutter

Go down to the Dollar General and buy silk roses. You know the ones, 5 for a buck.

Take them back and stick them in the ground. Walla! A rose garden and you don't even have to water it.

Now, get back in the house and throw your tupperware in the diswasher.

Don't want to mess with brushing your persian cat? Just buy a stuffed one.

Fancy cookies for your tea party, can you say Pepperidge Farm? Just remember to throw out the wrappers.

fuscia, I've seen some of those stuffed cats before, and they do an incredible job looking real!

Throw out the wrappers? You mean you don't have a staff to do that for you?

If by staff you mean kids, then yes I do, but the help is not very good at cleaning.

Before the guests arrive ... the Washer, Dryer and the Dishwasher are a wonderful places to tidy-up and tuck away all those things that are left around after you've used all the cabinet, closet and under-bed space ! To dress them up a bit, try attaching a few of the lovely bows you've saved from past gifts.

Don't forget to wrap a twist tie around the individual paper towel sheets at each place setting.

Expired coupons make colorful and decorative place cards and can be selected to suit the taste of each guest and they will do double duty ! Just fill a clear glass vase with coupons and stick a few of your faux garden roses in for a perfectly lovely centerpiece.

We're a trip aren't we guys? I hope Martha never comes here. She might not think we're funny.

I hope that she DOES stumble upon this forum and read through this thread.
Might give her some amazing ideas, and you can get rich off of her using your ideas.

Remember to trade up into your new home too. The housing market is doing great. Buy that DOUBLE-wide and dump the smaller trailer. It's time anyway. You all worked so hard. It helps the economy.

Oh, about the new drapes..... cut the old trousers, they fit the double hung windows perfectly.

Ken! You have a humorous side to you! Aren't you late for the Apprentice taping? I love your suggestion on the trousers, but I'll have to tear apart my purse first. I cut the legs off the trousers and used the "shorts" part of it to make a purse with pockets.

Can't go wrong with a double wide. You can fill up old 10 gallon drums with quickcrete from Lowes, and use them to ancor down the trailer during tornado season.

What? Fill up the 10 gallon drums with quickcrete? Nah, why we can simply fill the drums with recycled highway concrete for weigh and anchor. Don't even have to wait for it to set dry.

Oh, I love your purse from old denims..... ever think about marketing them with a Heidi or Monica label? I hear they're hot sellers. They won't meet Martha's High living standards though.

Isn't Trump's show on Thursday? Or is that another re-run today only. Anyway, I don't videotape or use a Tivo. Just from memory and notes.