New Father!

Culture & Society Forum

I am going to be a new father in June of 04 approximately and I was wondering what kind of tips others can give me to help me deal with it as it will all be new to me!!!
I've never held a baby, or changed a diaper or had to deal with the crying....

Congrats, yo!

My advice will be to always remember: no matter how trying the times, no matter how much hard work, no matter how annoying the details, ultimately the experience gets easier with time and ALWAYS ends up being well worth it. It'll help you to grow as an individual more than any other experience in your life.

I was not a good father when my kid was born. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I was quite intolerant of infants / children in general. It tok me a long time to grow out of my funk and come to appreciate what's been given to me, and even try to talk myself out of feelings of regret for my initial behavior. In the end, I have become a better person as a result of my experiences and recognize my stubborn, erroneous ways of the past.

It sounds like you're already in a pretty good space though!

-SK

God...I just hope that it is a boy! My wife has two daughters already and the house is estrogen packed!!! I need some more testosterone up in there! So, how do you know what a baby wants when it is crying? I mean, granted, you can tell if it's diaper needs changed...but

Keep in mind also that sometimes babies don't want anything at all when they're crying except to cry. Even they have no idea what they want - they just react to discomfort and/or whatever strange imagery & emotions might be passing through their little heads. My daughter was five years old before she realized that funny feeling in her stomache was hunger. Heh!

Thank you Mystic!!! I am reading everything I can...but it also helps to hear it from all ya'll that have gone through the same sort of thing!

Tear, my son was the most difficult baby. He had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. This resulted in hours of crying every day. The best advice I ever got was from my doctor. When you have a baby that is crying non-stop and you have tried all the usual suspects. You have an overwhelmed baby. Hold the baby so that he/she can't look at your face. Rock the baby gently back and forth, and wisper to him/her. If the baby wants to know what you are saying, it has to quiet down. Sometimes that eye contact can set these type A babies off.

Overwhelmed huh? Just too much for the baby to take in? That would be rough for a baby...all the new sights, sounds, smells etc.

Some babies get overstimulated very easily. Heck, my Damon had his first temper tantrum at 3 months. He did not want to be on his dad's chest, so he started kicking and pummeling him with his fists. Type A baby.

AAAHHHHHH *Runs off* *Comes back* I guess it is inevitable but I can't stand
the TANTRUMS! My wifes daughters thought that I might cave....they were wrong!

Well, babies are not trying to get you to cave in, they are just very pissed off and need to mellow out. My son still throws an occasional tantrum and we NEVER give in, but he does it anyway from time to time.

I hear ya!! Her daughters tried a few times...didn't succeed and now they know
that they can't win!!!

Congrats! I'm expecting in April this is my 3rd SON!! I have no girls in my house heh. When you have your baby you'll just know what to do. Your baby will have a different cry for everything. You'll tell the hungry cry from the dirty diaper cry to the whiney I'm tired cry and the hurt cry. And man, hope you don't get the colicky cry lol. My neice was colicky (am I even spelling that right? lol looks funny) and holy **** it was teriible, I used to feel so bad for my sister. Anyway babies are such a blessing! Nothing like holding your newborn child for the first time. I CAN'T WAIT!!

I can't tell the difference when my step-daughter's cry NOW!!! And they are like 9 and 6!!! If I can't understand them while they are bawling about something how in the world am I going to tell the difference between a babies cries?

Trust me, when it is your kid, you know. I can't tell what my kids want now by their cries, but when they were babies I did.

Hmmm food for thought I guess...LESS THAN A WEEK!!!!

Don't worry about the cries. Each cry is very distinct. A hungry cry sounds different than a sleepy cry, which sounds different than a pain cry. I'm not a mother, and even I can tell the difference. It will be easier for you as a parent. You'll do great as a daddy!

Well thank you Heather...up above, I just meant that I would be finding out in less than a week...by the way.

Tear, body language tells you a lot too. Babies in pain get all stiff.

I hope your baby doesn't do what mine did. They kept turning their butts to the "camera". It took forever to see what gender they were.

AHHHH don't tell me that..cuz if the doctor says that...I swear I'll choke him out!!

It is not the doctors fault Tear. It is the baby doing what they do, floating around and moving. Most likely you will be able to tell. Let us know.

Yo Tear, thanks for directing me to this great thread where all parents can share their insights on Fatherhood (including mothers' perspectives on what fatherhood means as well!).

My baby daughter will be 1 year old in 2 weeks' time. It's hard to imagine that time passes to quickly - almost at the blink of an eye. It felt like yesterday when I was exactly in your position - dreading of how I'd react to the baby and being overly anxious as to how we'd cope. Well, there have been ups and downs, but the ups definitely outweigh the downs (by a factor of a million to one). Now, we've got to do it all over again in a few months' time!!

Regarding the gender scan, for some reason, most older folks would prefer not to know the gender and would rather let it be a surprise. When we told everyone that we wanted to find out in order to be prepared (emotionally and materially), the older folks were somewhat surprised and discouraging. I guess times change. We needed 3 scans to get a definitive answer. She just refused to cooperate and would turn everytime the scan probe was around!

I agree entirely with Sean's reflections on fatherhood. It will change you, and your outlook and priorities will be altered as well. All for the better, without doubt.

Good luck, bro, and take comfort in the thought that billions of men before you have succeeded in perfecting the role of fatherhood, so it should be a breeze for you. But, be careful not to under-estimate the demands of such a role! And be prepared for interrupted sleep, cries, diapers, feeds, moody new-mother, moody new father (ie. yourself), cries, toys, baby clothes, teethers, cries, strollers, car seats and more cries.

The_Rebel

Ps: Oh one other thing. Make sure you watch as many movies and dine in restaurants as often as possible before the baby arrives, 'coz it'll be quite a while before you'll be able to enjoy a night out on the town as a couple without any guilt, anxiety or worry!

Gee...thankx Rebel...*gobbles down food in peace, doesn't blink to watch a movie in silence*

I hear you about the Ultrasound! My mother was like..why do you have to know now? Umletmethinkaboutit...because FINDING OUT THAT SHE WAS PREGNANT WAS ENOUGH OF A SUPRISE???

I don't wanna have to scramble for the things I'll need...*football, hockey stick, boxing gloves, Star Wars toys, Spider-Man junk....or Barbie, My Little Pony, and Strawberry Shortcake junk*...AFTER THE BABY IS BORN!!! I want to have everything set up WAY before the baby arrives!!!

Wow, my mom was 71 when I had my daughter and she loved the idea of knowing. I just think it is nice to know who is in there and start calling them by their name. If you do that, they really do recognize the sound of their name. Another cool bit, if your wife starts singing a song to the baby during the last 8 weeks or so, the baby will recognize that tune. My daughter did when I sang "baby mine" for her in the hospital. She gave me such an intense and happy look. She seemed to be saying "so that's where you are". It was wonderful.

Rebel, welcome to the parenting forum.

Just a warning! "Girls" can sometimes actually be "boys" It happened to a friend of mine.

Thanks for the warm welcome, fuscia. It's great to be here.
Heather, you're absolutely right. However, a lot depends on the operator of the scan (ie. the ultrasonographer). An experienced obstetrician will get it right 90% of the time, particularly if the baby is male. Girls are trickier as they are usually assumed by default ie. absence of male genitalia. Note that if such bits are not seen (hence the assumption that it's a girl) it does not always mean that they're not there. Such inaccuracies can be reduced if the scan is repeated several times over the course of the pregnancy. Nevertheless, experienced obstetricians ought to be able to identify female bits as well, albeit with less confidence. So in short, if the doctor tells you it's a boy, he's probably right, and if he says it's a girl, there's a small chance it could still turn out to be a boy!

The_Rebel

Exactly Rebel

My nephew was a "girl".

Well...I think I aged 20 - 30 years when I heard these words people...

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S A GIRL!!!!!!!!! I Just hope that there is a chance that they were wrong! We'll get another scan in 2 months...and...arrgghh...I'll just face the music....it's gonna be a girl!!!!

I AM happy though...they said that it looks VERY healthy and has all the right number of limbs and digits and eyes...so there's that!

The little girl's name'll be Kallista Talison...in case any of ya'll were wondering! Hmmm Mystic wanted to know, so someone make sure she sees this...I'm off to weep!

Congrats all the same, Tear. It's great to see that you're being so positive and philosophical about the whole thing.
Here's to little Kallista!!

The_Rebel

Hey, you know, actually my wife was more upset about it than I was...she was crying and all...made me kinda sad that she too was hoping for a boy... DAMN DOCTOR!!!
YAY KALLISTA!!!!!!!

Thanks Rebel!!!

You're welcome, Tear. Hey, don't blame the doctor! He's just a messenger after all.
If it turns out to be a boy, then you can start blaming him!

The_Rebel

The doc is the DEVIL!!!!!!, course, they did say that they weren't 100% sure... ah HELL IT'S A GIRL AND WE ALL KNOW IT!!!!!!!

Now I gotta get used to the idea that boys are gonna come-a-knockin...DAMN IT!!!!!

Well, if it is a girl, no matter what, K, she is your flesh and blood.
You will love her no matter what... and you can still do all those things with her that you would have had it been a boy. Don't think that you can't. I loved going out and fishing, playing ball, watching boxing and football with my dad. You have a precious child on the way. Love her... which I know you will. Estrogen isn't so bad... but, I know that you also want a boy. Maybe the next one!

Girls can do all the same things boys can do, only they do them better.

K, your wife is pregnant, so expect her to cry. You will take one look at that beautiful baby girl and wonder how you could have ever wanted a boy. Congratulations!

Not another one...she is having her tubes tied after Kallista is born! Three girls is more than enough for her she decided...

And I realize that I can still do things with her even though she ain't a guy....it's just...awww man....I just know that I am going to be sooo friggin protective!!!

I understand where you're coming from... and it's okay that you do want a boy.
A lot of people, women included, want a boy to pass on the family name, etc...
Still... you will be protective over this child, no matter what. This is YOUR baby.
She's going to rock your world and change your life with her first breath...

I agree wholeheartedly with KJ. I had wished my first born to be a boy (just a preference, that's all!), but all my tacit disappointments and reservations vanished as soon as I took a look at her. Since I was present during her delivery, I think I was the first person in the world that she saw when she opened her eyes for the very first time....and that's a very special feeling which is utterly indescribable. Now, almost a year on, I'm extremely happy at the way things turned out, for I wouldn't want things to have turned out any differently.

The_Rebel

My one and only is a 5 1/2 yr old girl.I agree with rebel, I would want it no other way. I guess the perfect child would be a girl until around 13 when suddenly she would turn into a boy .

Um....that sounds like it would be a bad thing devildog...course you ever heard the old joke...what's the difference between having a son and a daughter?

With a son...you only have to worry about 1 pri_k...with a girl...you have to worry about THEM ALL!!!!!

I recall you fearing how protective you will be. I fear the same thing about myself. I was just pondering how nice it would be if the girl turned to a boy just at the age when our fears are about to flourish.
I really do believe that Girls are just "cooler" to have. I might be bias Seem to be smarter ,easier to care for, more loving, less hospital trips, and just plain cuter. This is all just my opinion people. However I am scared to death of the future. And I know I wouldn't be if I had a boy. Perhaps it is because I know that men are pigs. I am one.

We posted at the same time. Yes ,I have heard that joke. Funny.That is exactly what I'm talkin' about, man.

See and that's why I am gonna have to move where there are no people! As it is I am already very protective of my two step daughters...so...I can just imagine me around a blood daughter...especially those that know me on this board...they understand what anyone would be facing!!!!!

How much longer till you know the sex of the baby Tear?

Some of us are still sitting on the edge of our seats here.

MYSTIC..there you are!!! I thought someone told you!!!? IT'S A GOSH DARN GIRL!!!!!!! I love her just the same though...Her name is going to be Kallista Talison!!

I guess if I would have read back in this thread I would have known....

Duh on my part!!!

Hmm, Tear, if your wife had 3 girls consecutively, the chances of that happening is 1 in 8. Which means statistically, the chances of you having a boy the next time around is .... 50%. Funny world, isn't it?

You may already know this, but to cheer up your wife, tell her that gender is determined by the contribution of the gender chromosome by the husband/male partner, not the wife/female partner. So in other words, it's your fault, not hers!!

I shouldn't speak too loudly. It'll be my turn come 1st March!

The_Rebel

So..you are trying to convince me that IT'S MY FAULT I HAD A GIRL????? I was pointing the wrong way...Jupiter wasn't in line with Pluto or what...that's not right...hmmmm....I blame her...that works for me!!

Hey Mystic thanks BTW!! My whole family for the most part has pretty unusual names! Mine is Kenathan Dakovan so...hers was pretty easy to come up with!

I'm afraid husbands/male partners are to blame, Tear. Humans have 2 gender chromosomes : either XX (female) or XY (male). Each partner contributes a chromosome to the embryo - wives always contribute an X, while husbands contribute either an X or Y. If the husband contributes X - it's a female baby (XX), and if the Y chromosome is contributed, it's a boy (XY). So you see, you contributed your X chromosome to the baby. Had you contributed your Y, it would have been a boy.
In the past (or even now for that matter!), husbands would blame their wives (and wives would blame themselves) for not providing them with the desired baby.

The_Rebel

Um....I STILL BLAME HER...WORK WITH ME REBEL!!!!! I know...it's my fault...and she actually told me that too! D'oh...I can just picture my baby girl now! Hmmm
I'm 6'5" and my wife is 5'3"...so...

Wasn't it King Louis that lopped off his wives heads if they didn't provide him with a son??? No...actually..I am very happy...just relieved that I finally know, plus it's a good looking baby girl from the photos...so, that makes me happy!!!

Just so the news is out there. You can have sperm washing done to determine the sex of the child. It is about 70%-80% effective in getting the gender of your choice.

I had a cat that I named Callisto, and nick named her Cali. I think that's a great shortened name.

By the way, Kenethan, I've always loved your first name... but now, I hear your last name.
Dang... you've got a GREAT name! I'm jealous. Where is your family from?

SPERM WASHING???? SCREW THAT!!!!!!!

Hey KJ...Dakovan is my middle name!!! My family is French/Swiss and we are New Orleans Cajun all the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mystic...I bet you have a great name...you probably just don't like it because if it's common...you don't feel unique..but it's the person that makes the uniqueness!!! Remember...my daughter is going to have to learn how to spell her name and she'll be wishing it was shorter...I SURE AS HELL DID!!!

Her nickname is sort of like KJ's..only instead of saying KT..we'll call her Kit!
LIKE KNIGHT RIDER!!!!!!!!!!

Yo Tear, my wife had her scan today. And guess what...we're in the same boat. It looks like I'm going to be surrounded by 3 women after all.
Oh well, there's always number 3 to hope for! But my wife has stated quite categorically (in no uncertain terms!) that she needs a break - I'll have to wait a few years for the next one.

The_Rebel

Rebel, a girl. Congratulations to you and your wife.

Thanks fuscia. We're really looking forward to her arrival, and so does our little girl. I think she's probably the happiest - she wants a little sister to play with!

The_Rebel