Need Help Breaking the News About Santa

Culture & Society Forum

Hi guys, my sister is having a dilemma and I wanted your input on it. My oldest niece is 11 years old and still believes in Santa Claus. She's very sensitive and my sister is concerned because there are kids in her grade that are teasing the kids who still believe in Santa. My sister was going to tell her the other day about the truth, but a few hours before, my niece began talking about how she couldn't wait for Santa to come and that she still believed in him.
My middle niece is probably less gullible than my older one. She was expressing her doubts about his existence last Christmas. My sister and I are thinking about telling them both together...but having them keep the spirit of Santa alive for their youngest sister who is only 3. I suggested that we make the girls a part of it this year, having them help put out the presents, (and getting their "Santa" gifts early) but my sister is so worried about how much it will hurt my oldes niece. Anyone have a story or idea about how you learned or how you broke the news to your kids?

Much thanks!

Kooka while I appreciate your thoughts, this was not an invitation for you to get on your soap box and start preaching. Now unless you have some advise on how my sister can handle the situation without adding your own thoughts of abomination of values, please keep your judgemental comments to yourself or the other thread that this topic pertained to.

Kooka, I think Chel was looking for some advice from some of us who have kids. Tread warily. What we say about how others handle and what they teach their children is a land mine. Parenting is a very laid back and friendly forum. We do not do a lot of debating. (Just a few tips for ya so you don't get jumped on in here)

Chel, that is a very difficult situation. Your niece sounds very sweet. I think honesty should be used if she brings it up with her mom. Perhaps a lunch date for just the two of them. I would use what was said about it being a Universal Falsehood that is used to bring children joy. I would also tell her that since she is such a smart and big girl now, she can still get her Santa presents, but she can participate in bringing joy to the younger kids in the family. She is now part of the secret. If it is handled with love, she will be o.k. I think it is wonderful that she has an Auntie who is looking out for her.

'chel... even though I'm not a parent, I can remember finding out the truth! I wasn't devestated, because my mom said that even though I knew, that didn't change anything. Santa would still come to our house, and we would still have all the same traditions!! I've never been angry.

I'm sure that, as a parent, there is a huge level of stress because you know that you're about to shatter something that your child has always believed in. But, I think that if done right, there will still be that magic of xmas! Good luck on this!

Thanks guys, Sherry I think I'll recommend your suggestions to my sister, it sounds like the perfect plan for such a situation. Thanks for the input!

That's what friends are for, Michele!

Do the kids still belive in the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny? I had a friends mum when she turned eight told her about the Tooth Fairy, when she was nine told her about the Easter Bunny and when she was ten told her about Santa. By the time she got around to hearing that Santa was not real, she was prepared.

I think it depends what other things your child believes in as to when and what you tell them about Santa. I would rather have something to hold ont to as a child than nothing and I think beliveing in Santa is an important part of growing up and I hope I can pass the love of Santa on to my children.

That's such a hard one. I found out that Santa wasn't real from an older cousin that I admired. I was about 8 when he told me that the Communists shot Santa down over Russia and so he wouldn't be coming anymore, LOL. (boy kids are sadistic).

My kids are 18 and 14 and up until about three years ago Santa still came to our house. I never told them, they just started to voice little suspicions and I told them if they didn't believe Santa wouldn't come. I did this mostly for my youngest, so her brother went along with it. One year Santa just didn't come and they didn't mind.

Lets face it.....NONE of us have been scarred in our adult life from hearing that there is no Santa. This is a tradition throughout history, and our lives....if it scarred us in any way we wouldnt pass it down to our own children.

As for advise...I dont know....my own son questions it at this point, and I dont think he will be devastated over it...he doesnt seem to mind if Santa is real or not....he loves Christmas either way.

I would probably tell her as easy as I could and maybe tell her the story of St. Nick, and how he used to leave presents for people, and "Santa" represents the good that St. Nick did for many people long ago....maybe she can say he isnt real per say, but the concept is real....

Does that make any sense? I know if I wasnt so tired I could have said it much better....(okay....a little better!)

Thanks for the input guys, I'm going to talk to my sister about it later today. If we do tell her, we'll have her stay up late on Christmas Eve and play "santa" for the younger kids with the rest of the adults.

Your niece sounds like such a sweet, sensitive child.

I am wondering if this year it can be a soft touch transition for the little girl.

Could your niece be told that Santa Claus is real in the hearts of those who believe in him. If Mom tells her that the belief represents the loving and giving spirit of the season, and that Santa and that spirit are real in her ( Mom's ) heart, might it soften the affect ?

Perhaps gently tell her that as we all get older, Santa Claus no longer delivers presents via a sleigh and a chimney, but through the belief in our hearts, helps to keep that spirit alive by turning over the delivery aspects to loving families including big sisters like her ... but only when they are ready ?

I realize that's ambiguous, but wondering if approaching it that way might actually reveal your niece's "readiness" -- and she will make the decision as to when to turn the corner.

One other thing. I think all can't help but go well in such a warm, caring, loving family.

By the way ... when I got to that questioning age/stage ... I figured it was in my best interest to believe, and later to let the adults believe that I still believed

OBAF, I did the same thing. I knew there was no Santa, but it was so important for my Dad to play Santa and have me still be his baby, I just played along for a year or two.