| 10. "I don't have links to Al Qaeda, but the same guy does our taxes"
9. "Of my 24 palaces, 19 are just timeshares"
8. "Kim Jong-Il cheats at Scrabble"
7. "I bought most of my medals on eBay"
6. "You know what I use to liven up leftovers? Anthrax"
5. "Sometimes even I confuse Iran and Iraq"
4. "Is it just me, or does it seem like Michael Jackson is weird?"
3. "Christiane Amanpour -- call me"
2. "Try to find a parking space in downtown Baghdad, now that's torture -- am I right, people?"
1. "I can't prove it, but I think Hans Blix took a leak in my pool"
Reasons Saddam Hussein Needs Viagra
Reason #1: His camel just doesn't turn him on anymore,
even when he dresses her up in a French maid outfit.
Reason #2: Even as a teen, no one ever
found a "weapon of mass destruction" in his fatigues.
Reason #3: Castro's it-happens-to-all-dictator's speech failed.
Reason #4: After three decades under his brutal regime,
Iraqi chicks have really stopped taking care of themselves.
Reason #5: Like Hitler, only has one testicle.
Reason #6: Spent so much time playing
with nuclear material, he's sterile as a mule.
Reason #7: Hasn't been able to get it up since Bush 41 sent Iraq's million man army running for home like a bunch of school girls who spotted a mouse.
Reason #8: Being "interviewed" by Christian Amanpour next week.
Reason #9: Watched Alan Keyes show on STDs,
and it put him off "deploying his Scud" but good.
Reason #10: He's had a lot on his mind lately, because man, he saw how this little Bush shoved "regime change" down that Al Gore's throat.
Reason #11: Told Tariq Aziz that he's doing "research" for his next novel
on an impotent but misunderstood dictator from western Iraq.
Reason #12: Damned churchy infidel Ashcroft shut
down all his favorite lolita porn sites.
Reason #13: During the Iran-Iraq War:
Saddam hit Iranian troops with nerve gas.
The Ayatollah hit Iraqi troops with saltpeter.
What Jacques Chirac Means By
"France Is Ready To Do Whatever Is Needed"
You need to surrender to Saddam? We'll do it for you!
Should you need collaborators, or women to give
themselves to the Taliban as prostitutes, we will supply them.
If the allies need wine, I'm your man.
Here, Mr. President. Let me hold your coat.
France will airdrop artsy, existential films over Iraq in
an effort to send the cave-dwelling nation into an emotional malaise.
Vichi will provide its own Delta Force-type unit to Baghdad:
The Cheeseaters - led by Lieutenant Gerard Depardieu.
Frenchmen ready to serve as spies and infiltrators, as our BO allows
us to blend in with the Iraqis as no other Western nationals could.
France will provide crusty and delicious bread to expeditionary force.
Donations of entire average day's ticket sales of EuroDisneyland,
amounting to one million francs or about $1.47, to NATO.
Captured Republican Guard airlifted to Cannes, subjected to the Jerry Lewis Festival
Will train neighboring countries to use rudeness as a border defense.
We won't lift a finger! After all, he's just going to kill jews. | |
