The Adventures of Evil Sockmonkey

Games Forum

Once upon a time, a devilishly handsome wizard boy named Mike received a sockmonkey for his 10th birthday. Little did he know, that his beloved snuggly toy was purchased in Knockturn Alley.
Now the years pass and Mike grows into a fine young man. Sockmonkey watches and as Mike grows more handsome and buff This sweet little sockmonkey becomes jealous and resentful. Why can't he look like Mike? Have fabulous and beautiful friends in foreign countries? Sockmonkey, overcome with these feelings turns to Evil. So, every night while Mike slumbers, Evil sockmonkey awakes and wreaks havoc all over the muggle and wizarding world.

These are the adventures of ...da da daaaaaaaa.EVIL SOCKMONKEY!

All Hallow Eve in San Diego. As Mr. Fuscia tends the fire in his chiminea, his glass of watermellon drink is mysteriously drained. Hours later, Sherry looks out the window to see an inebriated but buff sockmonkey dancing around the dying embers with a scantily dressed Barbie doll. She runs outside to rescue Barbie, but Evil sockmonkey shows her the finger and apparates home to the U.K.

Once back in the UK, sockmonkey makes slut-barbie his wife by means of a backstreet priest. He and his bride return to Maison de Mike to thwart his unappreciative but nevertheless stunning former master. But alas, Sherry has sent word to Mike of sockmonkey's twisted mentality and Mike is waiting in his room with a power-drill and an evil glint in his eye...

Angered by the tragic demise of his unconventionally curvy wife, Sockmonkey yells at his master " you wicked boy! I cursed the Saints! It is my fault they went down in the tables!" Stunned by the utter cruelty of his sockmonkey, Mike is speechless. Monkey uses this brief gap to escape and look for a new bride. He steals another Barbie from Sherry's home hoping to lead her into evil. Little did he know that she bewitched it to sing "a lonely Jew at Christmas" non-stop. Angered by the song, and his inability to get it out of his head, sockmonkey abandons Barbie II. He apparates the heck out of San Diego and goes to The Hogs Head in Hogsmead, orders a bottle of fire whiskey and prepares to wreak havoc......
wa ha ha!

While waiting on his shot of fire whiskey, evil sock money fails to notice the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts slip in the bar, because he keeps hitting his head to remove "A Lonely Jew at Christmas" song from his head. Stealthy making her way over to the bar, KJ casts a spell upon the shot of fire whiskey, and slips outside to wait for the results.

The bartender, unaware of the casted spell, slides the shot glass down the bar, into the hands of evil sock monkey. He picks it up, drinks it down in one amazing gulp, and slams the glass down. "Bartender, give me another!"

Outside, sinister laughing can be heard, ever so faintly. It sounds like Dumbledore and Hagrid have joined KJ!

http://www.homestead.com/soxmonkey/files/HarleySOX3.jpg

Dumbledore sends Hagrid to bring a once again inebriated Evil Sockmonkey home to Mike. Dumbledore sends off owls to Mike's fabulous friends warning them to be on the lookout for this Evil Monkey. He also says that since Mike is such a powerful and buff wizard, he believes that Mike can eventually turn him to good. The most powerful force is love yada yada yada........

Sockmonkey arrives home with a motorbike, sunglasses, wearing underpants he doesn't own, and no memory of the Hogshead.

Sockmonkey finally arrives home kitted out in the souvenirs of his long and boozeful trip; a stars-and-stripes ensemble and a plaster over his crotch. Desperate for sockmonkey to turn away from a life of senseless crime, Mike persuades him to get a job in advertising. Monkey gets a job with ITV Digital but the company falls through and the evil puppet goes to pieces once again. He swears that he will one day be the manager of the BBC and all American TV stations as well, so that he can show pointless violence and puppet porn to his sinister heart's content.

Photographic evidence...

One night, while Mike is sleeping, Evil Sock Monkey snaeks in to the floo powder and uses the fire place. Calling out "Grants Place" he arrives moments later in Taiwan. Being as quiet as possible, he looks around, hoping to not disturb anyone.

He spots the animals and has a bloody brilliant idea, and sets off to work, immediately. "This will get their attention, and they will know that I am a force to be reckoned with," he thinks to himself.

As he's finished, he looks back and admires his work.... I've done it, once again!!!

Taking his masters wand out from his back pocket, evil sock monkey casts a spell upon the wall, and a sign appears....

"Evil Sock Monkey Strikes Again... I'll teach you to stick that damn, a lonely jew at christmas, song in my head!"

As Grant stumbles through his house in the early morning, trying to wake up, he hears a faint wimpering coming from one of the rooms. He enters, turns on the lights, and see this:


http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/11051.jpg?zm=400,400,1,0,0


Not knowing HOW this happened, Grant starts looking around, and finally sees the sign that is on his wall. "OH NO!! Evil Sock Monkey was here. I better call the gang... "

Plays "Bad To The Bone" intro music......

da na na na na na na
da na na na na na naaaaaa
da na na na na na na

....as Grant's 6 dogs deploy themselves (wearing black suits and raybans) against the worst scum of the universe: the evil sock money.

Once again, Evil Sockmonkey is able to escape just in the nick of time. He apparates to San Diego again to exact revenge against Sherry for ratting him out to Mike.

He creeps into her dark living room and prepares to dress her cat up and take some compromising pictures for his future web site, when cords fly out of Sherry's wand. Sockmonkey is trapped! She quickly feeds him a mouth full of peanut butter and forces him to watch "Steel Magnolias" with her. Then comes 3 hours of her favorite soap opera. Sockmonkey is now rather teary and quite angry at his soft side. He then starts crying "why, why can't I be a man-god like Mike? Why can't I have such wonderful and beautiful foreign friends like he does " Sherry replies, "we can't all be like Mike. Just be glad that he is your master." She sends this buff little monkey home to Mike with a box of tissues and some cookies.

But how long will the nice sockmonkey remain in control?

Evil sock monkey steps into Sherry's fireplace, with tears streaking down his face. Sherry, feeling good at helping out Mikes little monkey, fails to notice the evil glint in his eyes. He throws the floo powder down, hollering out "Malfoy Mansion" and disappears.

Little did he know, he actually mumbled his words and said "maynoys mainions", ending up in Elton John's backyard...

... where there is a swinging jacuzzi party going on. Evil Sockmonkey helps himself to a pitcher of Margaritas. As he prepares to leave for the U.K. Elton spots him. The next thing our little inebriated friends knows, he is wearing pirate attire, and is forced into a conga line. He then is forced into singing a duet of "that's what friends are for" with Elton. Feeling pressure that he does not have a glorious voice like Grant or Sherry , he attacks Elton giving him a funky monkey neck bite. He then apparates off to parts unknown......

Sockmonkey in his Elton attire

Evil sockmonkey is then captured by Sherry. He is given a collection of Holiday catalogs to cut the pictures out of and make his own Barbie/Bratz scrapbook. She then sends him home to his master with his new collection. Hopefully having a hobby will keep him entertained.

After going through tons of catalogs and checking out all the Barbies, Evil Sockmonkey decides he wants some of the Flava and Bratz dolls to be in his harem since they look so cheap and tart like . SO, off he goes to Taiwan. ESM breaks into a manufacturing house and steals 12 dolls. He then goes to Grants house to throw a wild party while he is at work. Bratz and Flava dolls everywhere, drinking, trying to get the dogs to dance. Evil Sockmonkey going through the house singing dirty words to Christmas songs. Evil Sockmonkey then sets his trap. He takes a DVD of South Park and puts it on the floor for Grant to reach out and take. Little does Grant know that if he touches it, invisible ropes will tie him up. The Flava and Bratz girls are ready to give him a makeover............

Oh dear lord... I think that I need to send an icq message to Grant, warning him.... DARN IT! I'm not at home... I'm at work, and I can't use icq here!! *Growl* What will happen to our sweet aussie boy?!!?!!!

Oh, I think Grant is more than able to deal with ESM.

OKay Grant... we await to hear your story from what happened when you walked in the door and spotted that cd (the trick ESM set you up for).

Grant walks in the door, sees the cd on the floor, sees the sock monkey hiding in the corner with an evil grin on it's face, and walks out, realising he has the wrong house, since no dogs have ripped the sock monkey apart.

Grant goes home while the sock monkey waits and waits and waits.... finally he gets bored and leaves for San Diego, leaving tar and feathers above the front door of Kris and Sherry's homes.

Laughing menacingly he decides to disappear to Europe, but at the airport he gets strip searched and have his "cavities" searched too, so decides to hold the escape off for another day, since he can't sit on their airplane seats for that long, due to a lingering pain in his bottom.

LMOA

Kris and Heidi come home from grocery shopping... and since Heidi has the keys in her hand, she goes and unlocks the front door and opens it. Just as evil sock monkey would think the tar and feathers would drop and get Heidi, and splash Kris... NOTHING HAPPENS! Their loyal, and loving, and magical cats, Luna and Liebe, are sitting there, giving each other high fives. Once ESM left, the cats took apart the contraption and saved their mothers!

Meanwhile, Kris grabs her phone and calls Sherry and Ron, warning them that ESM was in San Diego and what he did. She warns them that he might have tried to do something similiar over at their place and to take a look around.

Kris hangs up the phone and laughs!! ESM thought that he would get me, eh?! Muwhhhhaaaaaaaa

Kris has a brilliant idea... so, she runs off to the kitchen and whips up a wonderful treat for ESM, in hopes that it will turn him from his wicked ways.

Grabbing a baking tin, and a bunch of ingredients, Kris whips up some cupcakes. After they are done cooking and cooling, she puts a chocolate covering all over the top of them and calls for ESM.

"Here, in hopes of making peace with you, and deturing your from your evil and wicked ways!!!"

ESM rips them from Kris' hands, with an evil glint in his eyes.

"Yes, you thought that this would make me nice!? Not a chance... I'm evil, to the core, and I will continue to be evil and wicked toward all of your wizards. I HATE YOU! You've turned my beautiful Lord, Agent Mike against me. He looks at me different now, because I can't do magic like you all can. So, I will take these from you and eat them. But, I will be back to hurt you later!"

He disappears without another word... leaving behind Kris, with a much more evil glint in her eyes!!!

Kris calls up Sherry and informs her that ESM just left with 2 dozen chocolate coated cupcakes!!! Sherry, gasping, tells Kris that the sugar will make him more hyper and evil. But, Kris informs Sherry that the chocolate coating is only about 10% actual chocolate. The rest was melted down Exlax (stool relaxer) and they both laugh, knowing that ESM won't be leaving the bathroom any time soon!!!!!

Meanwhile... somewhere in a gas station bathroom, ESM is clinging to a toilet as if his life depended on it!!! "I KNEW that I shouldn't have eaten those last few cupcakes. Too many... and now, I'm paying for it."

ESM arrives a Fuscia's house begging for some Immodium AD. She gladly gives him some, then ties him up and forces one of her baby's diapers on him just to be sure. Bored to tears because her computer was down for a week, she gags him and forces him to watch soap operas with her, dance around to music from the 80's with her, and makes him watch the Wiggles with her kids. Just as Nikki is about to play dress-up with him, he begins to cry. He can't take the frilly dress Sherry's kid is going to put him in or anymore of Sherry singing "A Lonely Jew At Christmas". So Sherry takes pity on him and sends him back to Chez Mike with a cute Little Princess Pull-up on. ESM is glad to be home but also is enraged because he wanted the Buzzlightyear Pull-up.

LMAO Oh god... that was the best update to ESM!! It's so good to have you back, Sherry.

Aw, thanks Kris. I really missed that little Evil Sockmonkey and you guys too.

The news just came in from the town of La Mesa
that an evil sockmonkey was drinking cerveza.
Eating frijoles and salsa galore,
evil sockmoney on the prowl once more.
Dancing around and singing lewd tunes,
looking for people he wanted to moon.
Driving around in a little toy Hummer
picking up Barbies and wishing for Summer.
Taking his girls to his home at Chez Mike,
hoping for things only a monkey would like.
Smoking,drinking, twister galore,
and passed out Barbies all over the floor.
Evil sockmonkey on top of his game,
running amok and more of the same.
Then just as the party got into high gear,
out pops a person monkey started to fear......

That is soooooooooooooooooooo cute, Sherry.
Keep us posted on the news sitings of ESM and his wild adventures.

Evil Sockmonkey returns to Chez Mike for Thanksgiving. He was infected with Holiday cheer at Sherrys house. Mike wakes up to a fully cooked dinner with all the fixins. Evil Sockmonkey gives thanks for
Sherry, Kris, Grant, Mike and for Matel making so many slutty dolls for him to have fun with.

The evening ends with a pecan pie with way too much booze in it. Monkey gets drunk, takes a toy catalog, and heads off to the loo.

As ESM enters the loo, he's too drunk to think of anything but reaching his target. He sits on the seat of the toilet and immediately passes out. What he doesn't know is that he has sat on a portkey and is taken somewhere.

When our little ESM next awakens, he has no idea where he is. He notices that he's freezing though, and immediately looks for something to make him warm. Finding nothing, ESM wraps his toy catalog around his shoulders and starts walking... eventually realizing that he's walking through snow. "WTF?" Evil Sock Monkey thinks to himself. "Where am I? I was home with Mike last night, ate some food, drank a little... went to the loo!!" Hmmmmmmmmmm "That's IT... I've got a turkey hangover, and this is all a strange dream! But wait... how come this feels so real?"

So, he keeps walking... not knowing where he is heading. He starts to hear a faint musical beat... one that makes him feel provocative!!! So, he follows it.

He finally see's some sort of village up ahead and starts walking faster, for hopes of warmth. There is a sign, on a pole that says... "Welcome to the North Pole." Once again, ESM thinks to himself... "WTF?"

Arriving at the village, ESM see's some of the Matel toys, BRATZ, doing a pole dance!! Now they have his attention!! His evil thoughts are back in his brain... he has forgotten about feeling cold... all he feels is a lust for the Bratz toys!!! "Which one shall I take and make my own!?"

Suddenly, he hears something behind him, and knows that he is NOT alone... turning, he sees....

Good old St. Nick himself. He grabs Evil Sockmonkey by the scruff of his neck. Santa tells the Bratz dolls to stop the dancing. "So you wicked little Monkey, I have caught you at last! We need to have a talk about Christmas. Now you realize that you are on the bad list this year. Heck, we had to marry off that pregnant Midge doll because of irresponsible you. So, I am telling you that you can't take any toys from your fabulous witch and wizard friends this year. If you do, I will use my Santa powers and make you a permanent elf. That is right, Evil Sockmonkey slave labor." Evil Sockmonkey looks around and realizes that all the elves are boys, so he has to comply. Santa makes him promise on his monkey parts not to steal toys. Then, Mrs. Clause brings him some milk and cookies, he avoids the chocolate ones, and then they send him home. Little did they know that sugar cookies work like Viagra on Evil Sockmonkeys.

Evilsockmonkey spent New Years Eve at a cheap hotel in Vegas. He partied with some Bratz dolls, played loud funk music, swam naked in the pool, and almost got arrested for indecent exposure. The police came and ESM put a hex on them to dance the Macarena. How did he do all of this? Well, in the U.K. they are hours ahead of America. ESM waited for a drunken master to pass out. He then duct taped poor Mike and headed for Vegas. The whereabouts of ESM and Mike are unknown. In Vegas a cackle was heard. 6 Southern Comfort bottles and 2 passed out Bratz dolls were found at the motel. Be on the look out.

Oh no... sounds like we've got a serious problem on our hands!!!
Where, oh where can that ESM have gone to now????

I think he is out watching Return of the King with the rest of the world.

You know... that might just be where he is. Perhaps he has whisked off with Mike's credit cards and has bought a ton of tickets, and he's seeing RotK over and over.

That does sound like our ESM.

St Valentines Day begins in England with a very sad Evil Sock Monkey. Mike, his super buff master, has made plans for the day. ESM is just not feeling the love. Couldn't someone think to send him flowers? Chocolate covered bananas? A mixed tape of love songs? What good are all those Bratz dolls if they can't make time for him on this day. ESM starts to cry. Why oh why must he be alone. As he silently weeps into Mikes Harry Potter pillow, he gets an evil idea. He will go to torture other wizards. First stop San Diego. ESM apparates into Fuscias house at midnight thinking everyone will be asleep. Little does he know that Fusica never sleeps. This fabulous witch wishes this evil little monkey a happy Valentines Day and gives him an eclair. Moved, sock monkey cries that he just wants some quality time with a Mike, or at least to be taken to some parties, mainly to be taken to more parties. Fusica sends him home to England with a borrowed DVD of Steel Magnolias.

Oh dear god... poor evil sock monkey.

Sherry, HOW could you give him that dvd?
It's going to make things really bad in the wizarding world.
Bratz dolls, from all over are going to disappear.

I thought a good cry was in order. Hell, it at least kept him off the streets for a few hours. Missing Bratz dolls? Well if they come out with furry baby Bratz dolls in the stores, it will be all my fault.

Yes, it will be ALL your fault, and Agent Mike will blame you!

Ummmmm... since you've decided to make our little ESM cry, why don't you send him Beaches!! That will give him some more tears.

True... he's off the streets, but what will Agent Mikes house look like when he comes home? There will be tissues all over the place, filled with Monkey snot.

Yes, that is true.

Fuscia whips out her wand, apparates to England and drops off a ton of tissue, a huge wastebasket, and Beaches. SHe leaves a note on a bar of chocolate.

"ESM, eat this chocolate and clean up before Mike gets home. Be good or Auntie Fu will not be allowed to give you chick flicks anymore"

Apparates the hell out of there.

Mike returns home with at least 5 ... no ... 10 girls on his manly arms. However, before he can start his own party, he finds ESM in a tight and revealing leather ensemble. ESM has thought that he'll try and win Mike's affections by providing him with some sexual entertainment. As ESM commences a shocking striptease, Mike's lady friends become attracted to the half-naked fluffy figurine. In his jealousy, Mike runs out into the rain and falls to his knees in the middle of the street. 'Why?!' He cries to the heavens. 'In the name of twisted stuffed animals, why?!'

Sensing his cries on the other side of the Wizarding World, Fuscia quickly pops back in to help Mike out-actually, she forgot her Pooky bear that ESM had stolen. She finds ESM in this horrible outfit, Mike crying, and Pooky bear passed out on the floor! She points her wand at Mike

OBLIVIATE!

At Evil Sockmonkey Accio leather!

At Pooky ACCIO! She then aparates the heck out of there.

Oh man... you've got a mess to clean up, Sherry.
Will Mike get over his heartbreak?
Will ESM beg for forgiveness?
Will Pookie recover from the shock?

Hey, that was a very strong memory charm I put on Mike. He will not remember that episode. Pooky is in deep counselling. ESM, well, I found his hidden stash of monkey Viagra and took it away. He should be calm for a while.

You better hope that Mike didn't have a ward on him, reflecting off that memory charm.
He's quite the powerful wizard, you know!!!
Ummmmm... did you look inside the Bratz dolls that ESM has been cavorting around with? He might have hid even more stash upon them... unknowingly, of course.

Oh man. I forgot to do that. Mike, check the dolls!

Hey Sher... ESM showed up at my place last night to snitch on Grant. See the Gryffindor common room thread.

Evil Sockmonkey sneaks out of his handsome and oh so buff owners house to go to the Queens Palace to look for chicks. To his horror, he sees Grant putting on an invisibility cloak and chasing after ladies. ESM quickly apparates to San Diego to report to Kris this terrible turn of events.

Meanwhile, back in England, Grant is stumbling around in the cloak, trying to finish off his flask of fire-whisky. He runs into nothing old ladies, so he makes the decision to apparate to a better location-Hogsmeade. Suddenly, he is at the three broomsticks, a very drunk Grant puts out his hand in pinching mode as a cute barmaid goes by, just as he is about to pinch *POOF * mad eye moody appears and grabs Grant. He is taken back to his head of house. Evil SockMonkey received a Bratz doll for his valour.

Very good, Sherry... I wanted to give ESM something, but I didn't have anything but some bbq potato chips. He liked 'em, but wanted something else to go with it.

I've sent ESM on an important mission (Top Secret) but when it's complete, I will inform you of it all.

Don't trust him! He has a one track mind-women!

Oh, I'm not worried. The reward I promised him will keep him on duty until he completes his mission.

OMG! I just found Evil Sock Monkey and he is a Trekkie!

DAMNIT, Sherry... you're going to blow his cover!

DOH! Look out, here comes a Whidden story. I can feel it.

I read this whole thread. You guys have some creative brains.

But I wonder if the real sockmonkey knows about this thread?

M.

Oh, Evil Sock Monkey knows ALL about this thread. That's why he acts up even more...

Yes, our little monkey can not stay good for very long. He is jealous of his buff and manly master.

Well, ESM was spotted last night... he was really upset with his Buff master, Agent Mike, and took off, trying to drown his anger with a pint of ale. A Bratz doll was at this bar, and he tried to pressure her into going home with him. She brushed him off, so he went outside and found her car. A muggle shot this picture that I will post next, to show you what he did...

http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/car.gifhttp://pages.prodigy.net/bestsmileys1/emoticons3/piss.gif

fuscia sneaks up behind Evil Sockmonkey *poof* she sends him to Redneck country.
Our little evil monkey finds himself surrounded by hound dogs, outhouses and women with moles all over their faces. He finds one that has drunk a keg of beer and starts kissing her. Suddenly the mole grows and grows. He recoils in horror when he realizes that it is a tick.

"evil sockmonkey, why you gotta reject my sister that way? Ain't she purty?"

And our monkey starts to cry and runs off into the woods.

He'd been drinking too much and thought that this was what she looked like:

http://pages.prodigy.net/bestsmileys1/emoticons3/smcowgrl.jpg


When in reality:

http://pages.prodigy.net/bestsmileys1/emoticons3/hors12.gif

the sad part is that they would not let him marry her cause they ain't related.

After months of silence, Evil SockMonkey returns. He has spent months back in England with his uber buff master Mike. He pretends to be a nice monkey, but all the while his evil mind is plotting and plotting. Yes, he has found a way. Evil Sockmonkey whispers into Mike's ear at night "you will enter the superfan contest". After weeks of this, Mike does enter. ESM will insure that he is the winner. He bribes the man doing the drawing. Mike will be the superfan. As the winner is announced, a buff and handsome Mike steps forward for his photo opportunity. Just then, ESM comes forward and moons the camera. He holds up a "VOLDEMORT RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!" sign. Mike is mordified. ESM has struck again. ESM apparates to a pub in Scottland where he takes up with some local tarts.

Stupid Sock Monkey put my fingers into a bowl of water while I was sleeping.

Man, what a mess it was when I woke up.


Stupid Sock Monkey

Oh man. I was not expecting that. At least he did not put viagra in your coffee at work!

Nah, I always mix viagra in with my coffee anyway. Gives it an extra kick.

thats the whole point of coffee isnt it? to keep you awake?

Evil Sock Monkey sat back in his master's dorm room with a contented smile upon his visage. He had at long last subdued burly Agent Mike, and had taken over. No longer was he bound to play the cute childhood pet. He now was in control. Poor Mike was in the bottom of a trunk littered with discarded Bratz dolls.

The spring semester had ended and most of the University students had left. Evil Sock Monkey took Mike's wand and apparated to the United States. He landed in Oklahoma seeing as he had watched the musical and had that damn song stuck in his little sock monkey head. Yes, Oklahoma. What was there for an evil Sock Monkey to do? Wait and watch. He managed to find a man building birdhouses. He was a typical muggle, kind and unaware that evil sock monkeys do exist. The man had been drinking, and was sitting back admiring his handiwork. Evil Sock Monkey sprang, but the man was fast. He had Evil Sock Monkey by the tail.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU MUGGLE" the monkey screamed

"What in tarnation are you?" asked the birdman

"I'm an EVIL Sock Monkey!"

well the two sat down over a beer, salted of course, and the man was kind to the sock monkey. They even sang a few verses of Oklahoma and Climb Every Mountain before the man started talking about Dark Towers. Just when ESM got good and drunk, the man went inside. ESM was angry. He did not want to sleep out in the cold. No he did not. So he went to the birdhouse and peed on it. Unfortunately the birdmans wife saw him and took a broom to him. Evil Sock Monkey was on the run, but he vowed revenge. That night, he snuck into the couples home and braided the mans goatee. MWHAHAHAAAA

Dear God save us; that evil sock monkey is at it again.... what ever are we to do?

RUN! After all, Sherry controls evil sock monkey, and I bet that he could be coming after us next.

Evil Sock Monkey sat back and relaxed at the brothel in Taiwan. He had traveled far to seek his revenge against the good wizard Gaboman. As he sat sipping on some beer, that oddly enough he felt compelled to salt, he had a moment of sheer brilliance. He left the brothel and apparated to the home of Gaboman. It was quiet and dark, and he had to be careful for the wizard Gaboman had many fearsome dogs about. As he stepped quietly around them, he moved to the library. He suppressed an evil laugh as he took his stolen wand and changed the titles of the books to Spanish. He then took the wand and changed all the moths at the outside window into frogs, and he exited the home, cackling madly in the night.

That evil sock monkey.


*puts multiple, complicated spells, around my house, property, car, etc...*

*shows a picture of evil sock monkey to all three cats*
"If you see him, bit his tail, hard, and pin him down until I arrive!"

Evil Sockmonkey is currently unavailable to terrorized your lives right now. He is in Germany trying to forge a passport so he can see some World Cup games, but he is listed as a hooligan and banned. He will return sometime after the cup is over, until then he is pissed in a bar rooting for the Czech Republic.
Until then beware of frogs, crickets, and suspiciously large bananas.

Evil Sock Monkey is booking his flight home. He wisely avoiding picking a winner for the world cup, and instead bet on Rooney getting a red card. With his winnings, he is currently seeking medical treatment for a certain rash that he got from a party in Dortmund.