Grandparents

Culture & Society Forum

This thread is to discuss grandparents.

My mother-in-law keeps bringing toys and gifts for the kids when she visits. We have told her that we don't want her to do this because we don't want the kids to expect presents all the time, yet she keeps doing it. So, I could use some advice from the other parents out there.

Ya know, Sherry... it's a grandparent's perogative to spoil the grandchildren rotten. It's nature's own idea of revenge!!! Yeppers... it's to make up for all the things that you did as a child and drove them up the wall. Their parents did it. It's just always been like that.

I spoil my nephew every single chance I can get. He is so amazingly precious to me, and if I could present him with the world on a platter, I would do just that.

I don't think that you can ever get a grandparent to stop doing those things. It's in their blood.

Well, there is something more going on here that isn't about spoiling. It is about trying to be the favorite grandma. I don't mind a little spoiling, but we don't want a new toy, or three, once a week. They need to love her for her, not for the gifts. My mom doesn't do the whole " I have to buy you something to like me thing." I just don't want the kids to expect it, plus they don't play with the stuff and we don't need anymore toys-she says with toys up to her neck.

That's understandable, Sherry. I don't like people who do things to be the "more liked" person. And you're right... it does teach a child to expect that everytime.

Well... maybe you can talk to your in-laws and explain this to them? How does Ron feel about it? Can he talk to his parents about this?

We both have talked to her, she just doesn't listen about the toys. Some people just never grow out of the "having to be popular" stage . She did just recently get the whole discipline is love speech. She let Damon run wild when she would babysit. I had a talk with him about how he needs to behave for his grandma's because they are special people. He just can spot it when you won't make him mind. She finally got it that taking a toy away, or a time out isn't the end of the world. He still loves her even when she has to do one of those things.

That is beautiful story Marlene. Reminds me of a story just after my grandmother passed away, she was the glue that held our family together and since then everything has fallen apart and I am still devasted that she died. Grandparents are the best things in the world.

But my nan used to babysit my cousin who were just little at the time and he, Nathan, had just started to talk. When Nan died, we all went to to see my cousins. We all came in and the first words out of Nathan's mount were "No Nanna?"

It was so sad, his droppy sad face when we told him Nanna wasn't coming any more. Poor thing. It is hell trying to explain death to kids that young.

It is even sadder now, because now that he is older he doesn't remember his Nan at all.

Marelene, thanks for the advice. Nothing seems to work with her. She sets no boundaries and lets the kids do what they want. Unfortunately, it is all about being popular with her. She just can not get it that the kids love her for her and not the gifts. She also is a control freak who has an obsessive need to call all the shots, so a lot of it is trying to play the mommie. I just keep hoping that she will listen to our wishes.